Cover Letter Critique, please :)

KelRN215, BSN, RN · Apr 29, 2012

I would absolutely not say that you "perfected" nursing skills while in school. I guarantee you didn't and the last thing a hospital wants is a new grad who thinks he/she is already super nurse and has nothing left to learn. I also think you should talk less about why you would enjoy this job and more about why you're a good candidate for the job. I'm also not even clear as to what your credentials are. Are you a rising RN? LPN? What is your degree?

Double-Helix, BSN, RN · Apr 29, 2012

Hello everyone. I change my cover letter per facility that I apply to, but here is a basic one I have been using.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to express my interest in the position of “job title here.” I value the philosophy of [hospital corporation] and would greatly appreciate the opportunity to work at your facility.
As you will see in my enclosed resume, my employment history includes working in a dental office. During my employment, I realized the true enjoyment of working with patients and providing their care. I established strong teamwork abilities by collaborating with co-workers to provide quality patient care. My duties included scheduling and assisting during procedures, initiating follow up communication, and documenting procedures and treatment plans. I also gained experience working within OSHA and HIPAA guidelines.
My enjoyment of working with patients was further solidified by my experience in nursing school. During my schooling, I gained experience in performing safe and quality patient care. I was able to work with healthcare teams and master effective communication skills needed for such care. My nursing skills were perfected in areas such as patient assessment, medication administration, and IV therapy, among many others. I performed proficiently in stressful and fast paced environments and found this to be one of my major strengths.
If hired, I am confident that I can become a valuable team member for [hospital]. I appreciate your consideration of my qualifications to fulfill this employment opportunity. You may contact me by telephone at [###-####] by e-mail at [[email protected]] I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
[My name]

I agree with most of what the previous poster said.

Think about the purpose of the cover letter. Why are you sending one? Because you want them to read your resume, right? And you want them to read your resume and give you an interview. So your cover letter has to be good enough that they want to know more about you.

You want to avoid saying things in your cover letter that will get you automatically bypassed. The reality for new graduates in this market is that no experience will get you overlooked in the majority of cases. When you say "my employment history includes working in a dental office" that says that you don't have nursing experience. So automatically you'll get set aside.

Instead, leave out where you worked. Just say, "In my previous work experience" and explain your duties, skills and what you learned. That statement shows that you have work experience, but doesn't specifically say that it's nursing experience.

Don't say "As you'll see in my enclosed resume..." in the body of your cover letter. This section be 100% about you and why you are a great employee. Mention the resume at the end, but don't refer to it earlier.

Please don't say you have "perfected" any skills. That stuck out like a sore thumb. You can "enhance" skills or "hone" skills, but you certainly haven't perfected any skills just from going to clinicals. I haven't met one nurse in my life that has "perfected" their IV therapy skills- much less a new graduate who's probably only attempted less than a dozen IV starts.

Like wise, don't say that you have "mastered" anything either.

In general, I think the verb tense in your whole letter is off. When you're talking about your experience, you should be speaking in the present tense. "I AM able to work effectively on teams." "I HAVE experience performing assessments and medication administration." "I PERFORM efficiently in high stress situations" It sounds much stronger than "I was able to work on teams" and "I performed..." You want the reader to know what are you are able to do for them- not what you've done in the past.

Here's a few of your sentences that don't sound right grammatically:

"During my employment, I realized the true enjoyment of working with patients and providing their care."

That phrase isn't correct. 'providing their care' is grammatically off. The whole thing is wordy and repetitive. Working with patients and caring for them is the same thing. The sentence is best rewritten as, "In my previous work experience, I realized how much I enjoyed caring for others."

"My enjoyment of working with patients was further solidified by my experience in nursing school."

Enjoyment isn't something that can be solidified. Again, this is rather wordy. Simply say, "My experience in nursing school confirmed my desire to provide patient care."

"I performed proficiently in stressful and fast paced environments and found this to be one of my major strengths."

This is a run on sentence and should really be reworded, or made into two sentences. It sounds best if you say "One of my major strengths my ability to work proficiently in stressful and fast-paced environments."

In your concluding paragraph, add: "Please see the attached resume for details of my work experience and education."

NP Sam · Apr 29, 2012

I agree that you should take out "master" and "perfected." As previously stated it may be to think you think you have nothing to learn or will be a difficult personality. Those kind of ideas can come from from cover letters and resumes. Good luck!