Considering ttc while in school - advice pls

[Anon2011]

Hi All,

First off, I have read just about every thread on this website about this topic, but my situation is different.

I'm in my mid 20s and nearing the age where my hubby and I want to have kids anyway. I graduate in december 2011 with my bsn, so let's say I got pregnant next month... the baby would be born the month I graduate.

We wanted to ideally wait until I was finished with school, but here's the kicker. I have some health problems, 2 of which that are known to go into remission during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I'm sure some of you will guess what they are, but here are some highlights:

-one commonly causes infertility - this risk increases with age

-during my cycle, I am completely incapacitated for a day or two due to excruciating pain. I have missed work when I used to work, have missed class... I just lucked out that it hasn't fallen on an exam yet.

-I am quite sick in general, even outside of my monthly time. nausea, vomitting, that kind of thing. It has also made me miss some classes... or attended clinicals absolutely miserable.

I know pregnancy can cause sickness as well, but in my case, it will definitely clear away the incapacitating menstrual problems. Then... assuming I have a normal pregnancy... I only have to deal with the n/v and fatigue... which will hopefully not be worse than what I'm dealing with now. But honestly, the biggest thing I care about are the monthly nightmares. And so far, despite having all these health problems, I'm doing more than fine in school.

We were really planning on waiting, but these health problems cause excruciating pain. I really want to get a hysterectomy, but my husband and I both want kids... so ideally I would have a couple kids and then my obgyn said she would do the hysterectomy (I CANNOT WAIT). The past couple months have been a living heck for me as I've recently acquired a new symptom associated with these illnesses, and I'm really at the end of my leash with this horrible pain... thus, I'm considering taking the plunge and trying to get pregnant in school. I've never been through labor, but from talking with other women who have these conditions... some of them say it's worse than labor... and I believe them. And it happens every single month.

What do you guys think? I know it would be an awkward time when the baby is born if I get pregnant right away, and I probably won't be able to get a job right away since I'd still look pregnant, but my husband and I could survive just fine financially for a few months - it would just be explaining the gap at my interview.

[Anon2011]

Thank you so much for all your replies and support!!

I'm still torn about what to do, but I'm sure it will work out. Right now, things aren't unbearable (like they were a couple days ago), so it's easier to think about all the options without wanting to just rip my uterus out. Haha. I think what my hubby and I decided is that I'm going to get my diet under control first (I have a lot of restrictions and need to make sure I can get in all my nutrients), and we'll go from there on a timeframe. Although I am really excited at the possibility of feeling better, I don't want to rush myself so much that I do something potentially unhealthy for the baby (like not eat right... and if anything I tend to be underweight, so that's even more straining on nutrition). I like what you guys were saying about the nclex, so it seems like on the off chance that we did get pregnant the first month we tried (really doubt that will happen, but you never know), we should probably wait at least a month.

And to answer an earlier question, I would like to take time off with the baby before going back to work. I think both my husband and I agree on that. We don't want him/her to be in day care so young. Most day care places are great, but we're both clingy people and I know he had some bad experiences in day care when he was a little guy... so we want to at least wait a few months. But taking time off is another factor that makes me feel like we should go for it now instead of wait. It seems like you'd want to either be set to deliver right around the time you graduate (with a little padding like most of you have said) or you want to start ttc right after you get a job. Otherwise, you'll look pregers for the job interviews, but still have a bunch of time left to go in the pregnancy. I'd rather spend that job gap with the baby and enjoy it... rather then feel like I really need to get back to work cause I've been out of a job during my whole last trimester.

So hopefully we'll end up trying soon! We'll see.

Thanks again for all your thoughtful advice. And thanks LeBlanc for the book recommendation! I will check into it for sure. I also really liked the perspective about kids vs. career. It seems like women are forced to make that decision sooner or later anyway. It's not like I plan on conveniently sitting around for a year just randomly...

[melmarie23, MSN, RN]

I am just now interviewing and my son is 6 weeks. In retrospect, I am glad I didn't get a job right after passing the boards...I wouldn't have had as much time home with him because I wouldn't have qualified fir fmla.

[Anon2011]

Yeah Melmarie23, I wondered about that too... if getting or being pregnant after getting a job would mean more pressure to go back to work after having the baby. You're a new grad... barely establish relationships with people at work before you get pregnant (assuming you get pregnangy right away)... and then may not qualify for a lot of time like you said...

I'd rather enjoy some time and get established first.

[gumby1411]

I'm in an accelerated BSN program now, with 6 months left until graduation and we're 3 months into TTC. If I had gotten pregnant the first month, my due date would've been 2 days after my graduation ceremony.

School and career aren't the be all, end all. I'm no spring chicken and want more than 1 child, so my husband and I decided that there's no better time than the present.

Regarding the NCLEX and finding a job, just keep in mind that the best laid plans, don't always work. So I say go for it!

[DayDreamin ER CRNP]

I understand your concerns about wanting to get pregnant and your rationales for doing it now. I would, however, wait. For one thing, that first trimester is tough on a body. Most women feel overwhelmingly tired and cranky a good portion of the days. The third trimester is usually similar but often worse.

There is no guarantee that your condition will go into remission nor is there any guarantee that you won't be nauseated every single day of your pregnancy. You could get lucky but you simply cannot count on that. What if you end up on bedrest? That could keep you out of school for a very long time. Teachers will tell you that students who take time off from school have a very low return rate - either because they just can't make the time to get back or their program doesn't allow them to return. A new baby would make it very hard to return to school I think. I just wouldn't take that chance this close to the end.

What about taking boards and trying to get a job? Statistically speaking, it is easier to get a job up to a year after graduating and passing boards. The longer you wait after graduation, the harder it will be to get a job. Most students get a job where they precept so if you ware pregnant while precepting you probably won't get a job because they know you are going to take FMLA, etc and not be around and the money they budget for your training will be worthless. If you wait and start ttc until after you get a job, you might be able to take advantage of some of the benefits.

Nursing school is very taxing to your mind and body. Pregnancy is very taxing on your mind and body too. I personally wouldn't subject myself to either one. Pregnancy can be a wonderful experience despite some of the issues mentioned. I really enjoyed being pregnant but I had a very low-key job at the time and had no extra stressors those 9 months. Even though I had an easy pregnancy, my mind was not as sharp. I was very forgetful, I was sleepy a lot of the time, and I was pretty clumsy. I just don't think I could have done so well in school if I had been pregnant really.

I guess what I'm saying is to take the time to finish school. You have plenty of time to enjoy getting pregnant and being pregnant. It really is a beautiful time in a woman's life. Don't spoil it.

If you were my younger sister, I would encourage you to wait. Getting pregnant can wait a few months or even a few years. It is definitely worth the wait.

meredith

[HangInThere, BSN, RN]

You wrote: "-during my cycle, I am completely incapacitated for a day or two due to excruciating pain. I have missed work when I used to work, have missed class... I just lucked out that it hasn't fallen on an exam yet."

Have you checked with a wholistic doctor to see if you are allergic to yeast? If so, you may be dealing with increased prostaglandin levels which can cause excruciating pain, especially at the onset and first two days of your cycle.

Or, try cutting yeast and fermented foods from your diet -- yes, alcoholic beverages, bread, vinegar, etc -- for a few months and see if you get some relief from that pain. You shouldn't have to deal with it.

Just a thought. Good luck.

[OBplease]

I have done exactly what you are talking about. I have gotten pregnant, a little earlier than what I expected because it could curb symptoms and because I was wasn't sure how long it would take considering an unresolved (after a couple months BC) cyst I had at the time. I had horrible weeks and half of sickness and bleeding every month that made me absolutely worthless and have been considerably anemic since I was 12, except for when I was pregnant. I took the plunge, with my second baby, a few months earlier than we had thought we would and was happy to do so with my doctor's encouragement. It worked for me and I had a great pregnancy, only vomited four times (at one week intervals and only on the weekends at that!) and just had some swelling toward the end. It was great and I was symptom free for over two years after I had the baby. I had GREAT periods, if you can believe that.

That being said, my first and last pregnancies were not great. With the first, I threw up 20 times (not an exaggeration, I lost a considerable amount of weight) a day for the first 4.5 months. I had mild bleeding with the first and the last, in the first trimester that turned out to be nothing but was told to rest for a few weeks. With the last I didn't have hardly any vomiting but I would fall a sleep sitting up for about the first four months. There would have been no way, with either the first or last pregnancies that I could have done school. It was so bad with the falling asleep that I cried to my husband I don't know what is wrong with me and I would be sitting there watching my kids play in the living room and the next thing I knew, I'd wake up. I had to stop working with the first for about 5 months because I couldn't drive myself to work because of the vomiting.

For me it would depend on your school. If you could get back in, if you missed a semester, then I'd probably take the chance. It it would be very hard to get back in, and like my school, they only had yearly start dates then I'd do whatever I could stick it out a little longer.

[golflinda2214]

I feel you're not yet ready for that baby. Your line about you and your partner would be "fine financially for a few months" really has me worried. In this economy, and being a new grad, jobs are difficult to find. A few months of financial stability isn't nearly long enough when considering a new life. A brand new grad, no experience and with a new baby, could go many months with no nursing job. Do think about the bigger picture. Pregnancy may fix your physical problem short term, but are you really looking at the whole picture?

[NonnieRN]

I don't think that what I have to say is something that you haven't heard, nor do I think I will change your mind as it sounds as though you've made up your mind already. Having said that, I have worked as a high risk labor and delivery nurse for over 22 yrs. now, so I have some knowledge here.

I don't think it's a good idea to use a pregnancy to "solve" other medical problems. As a former monthly sufferer myself, I get it that you want to stop the pain and misery. But I have to tell you, problems you have before you get pregnant will get worse while you are pregnant. Even if the problems you think will get better do, often other problems - sometimes indirectly connected to the condition getting better - come up.

I see a lot of high risk pregnancies, (which yours will start out being), end up with mom in the hospital for the remainder of her pregnancy, (sometimes for months), for a variety of problems. Just taking one of the things you mentioned as an example; it sounds as though you already have a problem with nausea. Those with pre-existing problems with nausea are at higher risk for developing hyperemesis gravidarum, which sometimes means the patient can't eat or drink anything, and has to be on TPN for nutrition. This precludes any kind of outside life, especially something that is high stress, like school. It's a huge obstacle course for most high-risk moms - it would be great if it wasn't you, but there's no guarantee.

I think you have to ask yourself if you are willing to put yourself, your career and an unborn child at risk at this point in time. I could be wrong here, but school is already a huge stressor all by itself, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Why would you want to stress your body out more with a pregnancy?

Again, as I said, I don't think this message will change the decision, but I hope it helps.

[sistrmoon, BSN, RN]

Usually, I'd tell you to wait. I wouldn't expect pregnancy to cure all your ills or anything. I have absolutely incapacitating pregnancies(puking from beginning til end). But since there are no guarantees(I just lost a baby at 12 weeks after seeing a healthy baby the week before), I'd say go ahead and start trying. There's no telling how long it will take to get the family you want, and since you're wanting a medical procedure after having kids, I'd say go ahead and start, as long as you're in a position to care for a child if one does come easily. It will NOT be easy being in school pregnant, but it sounds like you've already dealt with physical issues while in school.

[AddisonLawrence03]

Why not adopt?

[Anon2011]

Ok, so my email stopped sending me updates and I missed all of your wonderful information until now! Thank you everyone for telling me all your thoughts. I will try to respond to everyone as concisely as possible (need to get back to studying).

Person mentioned yeast allergy - thank you! I talked to my prof and she mentioned something similar, although I do have 3 chronic, diagnosed problems that are definitely causing the pain. However, she said I may have yeast/gluten allergy as well that could be exacerbating stuff. I will def be cutting out alcohol from my diet too! :) Thanks for the tip!

I am very scared about the nausea getting worse. Here is the good thing - I realized that I have not had a vomitting attack (where I vomit every 30 minutes for a day or 2 and get severely dehydrated) for a year... which is when I completely changed my diet due to one of my conditions. So *knocks on wood* I think I have that figured out... but I'm sure I will be more prone to nausea being pregnant than someone else. And yeah, HG scares me poopless.

Someone else mentioned financial concerns. I haven't been working now for almost a year, and we have paid the mortgage, all our bills, my tuition, my husband's tuition, etc all on my husband's salary. We have no car/credit card payments. We MIGHT still have a tiny bit of my husband's student loans left from his BS degree, but if we do, it's tiny. In short, really, I don't have to work... like ever. I could be a housewife. I'm going into nursing because I love it and I want to change the world in my own way. And we could afford a baby... especially if we stopped the thousands of dollars I'm spending on school right now. :) We are by no means rich, but we live below our means so we have a chunk in the bank. In fact, even with all our spending on school, we have saved a bunch of money each month! We are good little savers!

Someone mentioned adoption. We have talked about it and have decided against it for many reasons for now. I feel like I can't talk about it without putting down some of my husband's thoughts, and I feel like it's not my place to do that.

Would like to say that I have figured out a way to take vitamins that is causing only a fraction of pain! Totally livable! I am really excited about that. I have been taking them religiously now for at least a month and a half. I also did a ton of research on NVP and am taking folic acid (through fortified cereal) every day as well. In addition, I try to take B6 when my condition isn't flaring. I'm working on getting that in there daily. The icing on the cake will be if I can get a touch extra B12.

The school is stressful concerns... I actually think that working will be more stressful than school. I know how school works, I do well, and I would rather try now. I talked with a friend about this and she felt the same way. The classmates and the professors are so supportive at my school that I think it would all turn out ok even if something moderately bad happened.

That being said, if bedrest happened, preeclampsia style, or the nausea got really bad, that'd be horrible. However, I am going to have to take that risk eventually, no matter what. And frankly, I'd rather not go through that at the beginning of a job when I'm still establishing myself and getting to know people. Nurses can be really mean (sad truth), and right now with school, I feel like I'm in a safe environment with lots of great people to help me out. I have worked in other jobs with nasty people and that is the absolute WORST kind of stress for me. It makes me MISERALBE. I honestly think I would be so stressed that I don't know if I could even get pregnant. Plus, I would like to take some time off after school, before I got a job, to be with the baby. I know someone mentioned that the easiest time to get a job is right after you graduate, but plenty of people have babies right out of school. Nursing school is just one of those things a lot of people do right around the time they also get married and have kids. Even if I don't find a job right away, I have no doubt that I eventually will. I live in a great place to find work, and have a lot of fantastic contacts, so I'm not worried about that at all.

So, long story short, it looks like my husband and I will be ttc! I will keep you guys updated. Because of the way classes/clinicals fall, if we don't get pregnant over the summer, we will stop trying for a while. I'm trying to plan for the first trimester to be when I take certain classes since that is when NV is usually the worst. And I am praying if I do get prego that I don't end up with HG.

Thanks again for the support and insight. You guys rock!

Wish me luck that I don't end up a sick chick!