Confused

[Cinnabun]

I have only been a nurse for 3years and I feel like I've hit a brick wall. I became a nurse and 2weeks later Covid hit the floors, I worked PCU, I went to my dream job neonatal intensive care, and man was it a nightmare. I did a very temporary radiology contract (just helping work up patients). And now I'm stuck. I went back to women's and children's health but I had a stillbirth awhile back(I went to therapy and did all the things) but I feel like that major life even put a stick in dream. When I work with the newborns and the postpartum moms. I get so much anxiety , I feel the need to cry, basically how I felt in the NICU all over again. I accepted I have some baggage I clearly need to unpack, but now I have no sense of direction where to take my nursing career. At all. No earthly idea ....where to start , how, why when. I've never been so lost with nonsense of direction when it came to my life and a very long time. Anyways that's just my rant ....thanks for allowing me to share...♥️ 

[Kitiger, RN]

You started out right when COVID hit, and you kept going. That is a huge accomplishment! So many new nurses have floundered even without having to deal with COVID. Then, in addition to COVID, you had a stillbirth. My heart goes out to you. That is so hard, mourning your child, dealing with the grief and loss. Many nurses have said that they couldn't deal with working pediatrics while their kids were young, but they could come back to pediatrics later. 

Maybe you need more time. Also, ongoing therapy can help. I know, it's expensive. Still . . .

My advice would be to work with adults for now. You're still raw.

Time doesn't heal all wounds, but healing does take time.

[Skips, MSN, RN]

Your career started in the midst of a pandemic, which hadn't happened in the U.S. in one hundred years. That would be enough to send many people to therapy without the added stress of a tough specialty. 

I remember feeling unhappy with nursing for the first 5 years or so. It has gotten better. Tincture of time. Continuing therapy and taking care of yourself is of utmost importance, even if that means taking a break from nursing altogether or just inpatient nursing. I was getting very burned out in L&D, so I did a year and a half in the OB/GYN office. It was the break I needed to get back into L&D. More education helps me, too. I read journal articles regularly, I question why things are the way they are and how they can be improved. I refresh myself by learning all that I can. Your idea of refreshing yourself will be different than mine, but I wanted to give you an example of what helped my confidence and love of nursing - the spirit of inquiry. For you, it could be the spirit of having heart. Or it could be the spirit of strength. 

Whatever you decide to do, I think you know what the answer is and what you need to do next. Best of luck and I'm glad you chose to get support from other nurses on here!