Confused

JKL33 · May 11, 2019

What caused you to request the meeting? Did it seem like things weren't going too well, or were you just curious or what?

It doesn't sound like her assessment comes as much of a surprise to you or that you necessarily disagree with it (you didn't convey disagreement here, anyway ?) - so then it doesn't completely make sense to jump to the idea that you are simply being bullied.

Have you been disciplined regarding your performance or put on an improvement plan previously?

What kind of game is it that you don't play? There are games, and then there are things like proactively seeking to progress in the new specialty, seeking educational opportunities, seeking to give good care, and seeking to have positive working relationships - - which are not games but necessary professional activities.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 26, 2019

On 5/11/2019 at 2:48 AM, Fionakiwi said:
Hi all
i have been nursing in clinical and non clinical areas for ten years. I’ve been at my current position for under 3 /12, quite clinical and a new discipline. Recently I requested a meeting with the boss asking how I was going. She told me I was under performing, is going to support me and both of us developed ideas. I contacted the counselling who said this is a chance for me to relearn. I can see lots of positives.
BUT
part of me wonders if I’m being bullied out of the job. I don’t think the Edu. Likes me much. There is a big click on the ward which I’m not apart of. I don’t play the game but thinking I’m going to have to.
Im so confused and don’t know what to think.
has anyone else been through this and can offer me advice.
i really like where I work and want to stay.
thanks

You've been at your current position for under 3/12? Does that mean less than three months? Your post isn't particularly clear, and I would encourage you to do some proof-reading before posting. Your written communication skills aren't super, and this is as good a place to practice them as any.

You have not described anything that even resembles bullying -- only some negative feedback in a meeting that you asked for, and with which you do not seem to disagree, and that someone doesn't seem to like you much.

There's a big "click" (I think you meant "clique", but I'm just guessing here) that you aren't apart of. Do you mean that you aren't a part of the clique? Or that you are not apart from it? Which would mean, I guess, that you ARE part of the clique. What does that have to do with anything? It certainly has nothing to do with underperforming, which seems to be the issue here.

If you like your job and want to stay, then you need to work on your performance issues. The clique has nothing to do with that. Hopefully you and your boss discussed very specific areas in which you are falling short and what you can do to remedy that.

You also need to work on developing positive work place relationships. Whenever someone complains that "nobody likes me" I think it is probably, based on my own experiences as a new grad, because they just aren't likable. You aren't a new grad, but you are new the the specialty and you've admitted that your experience isn't all clinical.

I was so afraid of messing something up that I double, triple, quadruple and quintuple checked everything, excessively and obsessively rechecking, becoming unnecessarily stickler for the rules, and not taking time out from all of this checking and rechecking to talk to any of my colleagues unless it was to ask them a question I had probably asked a dozen times before. They didn't like me. There was no reason for them to like me. I wasn't likable. As I grew into my job, I was able to relax somewhat, and I began noticing my colleagues. I started saying hello, smiling at them (which I was too anxious and intimidated to do at first) and asking about their weekend or their prize winning roses or their kids. Gradually, they started to act as if they liked me. It wasn't them, it was me.

I'm thinking that it's not your colleagues, and it's not bullying. It's probably you. In addition to working on your performance issues, you need to work at being friendlier. Smile at people and say hi first. TALK to them. You don't have to say much -- just ask them about themselves. It only takes a minute or so, and it pays off big. That's not "playing the game." That's just good sense.