There are a couple of nurses I work with who seem to despise patients. One gal is exhausting to be around. They often put her in triage, she will literally give you an eye rolling negative assessment of how obnoxious the patient is, what a pathetic drug seeker, how fat, smelly, whiney, stupid, it goes on and on.
The other gal is the same. She too does triage, and will walk out of the room loudly indignant at what an appalling person she just interacted with.
Frankly, if you have such disdain for humanity, nursing is a poor choice of a career. Yes, people with poor coping skills end up in the ER more often. So what else is new? Yes, there are social ills in the world. People smoke, drink too much, eat too much, take meth, then end up in the ER.
Try to have a little emotional detachment and at least feign compassion. And, can you shut up about how awful these people are, it's tiring to hear!
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I see "both" sides. Patients deserve respect and compassionate care. But some of the abuses nurses have taken through the years from the "customers" has jaded them and broken their spirits. The ideal thing is when a person is burning out, to find a new situation, job or to get out. But it's not always easy. And yes, negative people suck energy out of others. I was burning out in my specialty some years back and realized I was seeing patients as nothing more than pains in my butt. I was lucky in that I got out and got a new start in a new specialty. It was a breath of fresh air and helped enormously. I find the older I get, the less tolerance I have for disrespect and abuse from patients and family. I have a short fuse. I have learned to walk away, go outside and take some deep breaths. And to leave it at work when I go home. It has saved me many times.
I am not too quick to judge people like this, but I do happen to agree, their patients and coworkers don't deserve the brunt of their unhappiness. There is no easy solution, well wait, there is. Treat nurses with the respect they deserve as human beings and professionals. Treat the elder nurse as a gold mine of information and experience. Treat the newer, or younger nurses, with respect, too, because the future of nursing is in them, and we need them.
I know that is so easily said, hard to do. But it's a start and it begins with ME. For example, I treat the young staff with more respect than I used to. I don't think I "deserve" respect because I am older and experienced; I realize it must be earned. I encourage all prospective nurses to go for it, but let them know their path won't be easy. I offer to mentor them through the land mines of nursing school and being a new nurse. I know, I need them ----to work with me and to care for me if I do live to be old.
Respect, that is the bottom line. And again, it begins with me.
Honestly, it is not the patients that get me irritated. Because I realize after a while you can't let their problems become your burden. You can give the best care and teach. At the end of the day they will make their decision. Its the back biting trolls in nursing that gets me!
Not about race, I mentioned white because if you look on the posts before you I'll see one that said those bad attitudes came from African Americans, Hispanics .. All the races but, not a white!! I only wanted to mention that a bad attitude came from all kind people including whites!! I am white also!! It is sadly that in U.S. Most people recognize a attitude or character from a stereotype!!
There are a couple of nurses I work with who seem to despise patients. One gal is exhausting to be around. They often put her in triage, she will literally give you an eye rolling negative assessment of how obnoxious the patient is, what a pathetic drug seeker, how fat, smelly, whiney, stupid, it goes on and on.
The other gal is the same. She too does triage, and will walk out of the room loudly indignant at what an appalling person she just interacted with.
Frankly, if you have such disdain for humanity, nursing is a poor choice of a career. Yes, people with poor coping skills end up in the ER more often. So what else is new? Yes, there are social ills in the world. People smoke, drink too much, eat too much, take meth, then end up in the ER.
Try to have a little emotional detachment and at least feign compassion. And, can you shut up about how awful these people are, it's tiring to hear!
Or a different perspective is developing disdain for humanity after you see what walks in the doors of triage. Do that 100 times and maintain the same level of compassion and caring. Sometimes at least at my work its vocal among us as we realize the need to vent at work instead of bringing work home. Its hard not to have a negative view when you deal with the same detox/etoh abuse. Or 100 year old grandma that should be a DNR yet we are spending $$$ of healthcare dollars to save everyone-therapeutic hypothermia after arrest is a big one for us or even just CPR on 90 year olds...
I guess the happy medium here to that this person needs to limit their outbursts. Sounds like management should get involved.
Or 100 year old grandma that should be a DNR yet we are spending $$$ of healthcare dollars to save everyone-therapeutic hypothermia after arrest is a big one for us or even just CPR on 90 year olds....
Yikes! You do know 90 year olds are still capable of contributing to society, right? They are also perfectly capable of enjoying life, friends, and family. I'm glad you're not making the decisions around here...
There are a couple of nurses I work with who seem to despise patients. One gal is exhausting to be around. They often put her in triage, she will literally give you an eye rolling negative assessment of how obnoxious the patient is, what a pathetic drug seeker, how fat, smelly, whiney, stupid, it goes on and on.
The other gal is the same. She too does triage, and will walk out of the room loudly indignant at what an appalling person she just interacted with.
Frankly, if you have such disdain for humanity, nursing is a poor choice of a career. Yes, people with poor coping skills end up in the ER more often. So what else is new? Yes, there are social ills in the world. People smoke, drink too much, eat too much, take meth, then end up in the ER.
Try to have a little emotional detachment and at least feign compassion. And, can you shut up about how awful these people are, it's tiring to hear!
Maybe you could say something like this to these nurses the next time they start voicing negativities -
"Susie, can I be frank with you? When you speak negatively about patients, it drains me. It just saps me of energy. I'm sorry to make this request of you, but could you please try not to talk that way to me or make me have to hear you if you talk to someone else about it? I realize the patient can be frustrating. We try so hard to help them but, so often, we just can't get through to them. Some just are not ready. Some have given up any hope. I know they cost us money in the form of Medicaid or higher insurance costs. But if you could see your way clear to not let them hear you or make me have to hear you, I would be truly grateful."
Maybe better to just respond with, "Yes, this poor patient is pathetic". And let this soak in.
Then add "I can't imagine a human condition too much worse than being a drug addict. When he gets sick, he has to come here, where he knows how much some staff hate him. You might not realize it, but he can hear you. And this obese woman who smells like urine, stool, and sweat, and this alcoholic who smells like vomit and smoke can hear you. At the very least, please don't make the patients have to hear what you think of them. If they are suicidal, hearing you criticize them might be enough to push them over the edge. And you really don't want that on your conscience."
-or something a little less blunt but still enough to get them to at least hush up when near the patients and to realize that they are demoralizing to work with.
"There, but for the grace of God, go you and I, Mary."
"Louella, not everyone is able to conquer their demons on our schedule."
"Keisha, has anyone you love ever been an addict or an alcoholic?" (or whatever she's upset about)
"Kim, let's pray for Mr. Smith." Of course, this last one could get you in trouble with Management.
The point is that you don't just have to suffer in silence.
Also, your colleague might not realize until you tell her that there is any other way for her to handle her unhappiness with these patients. She might be afraid - maybe the pt's condition hits too close to home - her own experiences or those of her parents or other relatives or friends.
That really breaks my heart. I wonder why these types of people choose nursing.
They might not have started out that salty.
Once you learn about the ED system and how people take advantage of it, it can be easy to see how the once compassionate, starry-eyed new grad becomes a salty, salty COB who is just doing it to pay the bills. Or, maybe their disgusted indignation gives them some kind of satisfaction that makes the job bearable. Yes, they are miserable and it's sad to see. The negative energy that results from that is tiring for everyone around them and they should refrain from spewing it out all over the pods. But, one's compassion and heart for nursing can really take a beating in the ED.
In my ICU rotation, I was basically at the ED for the majority of the time and it can be surprisingly frustrating at how ridiculous adults are. I then did health coaching for a year and a half which was a near-pointless exercise in trying to convince mostly older people with self-imposed chronic illnesses to not go to the ED for stubbed toes or to work on getting their diabetes under control (except they didn't want to because then they wouldn't have an excuse to get pain medication). This was a volunteer job that was part of a hospital's program that set out to decrease ED visits by frequent fliers because they were regularly becoming so impacted that they had to send people to other hospitals. It is a grim, desperate scene for people who need to go to the ED for valid reasons.
Sadly, many of the people who were platinum-level frequent fliers had problems relating to drugs, alcohol, mental illness and homelessness and could not be part of the program. Frankly, you have a hard time reaching them in the first place. This is realty. It's hard to want to extend compassion to adults (especially those without serious mental illness but who basically have nothing else going for them in life than to malinger) when they behave in a ridiculous manner and come in for things that do not bear any resemblance to an emergency whatsoever. When wait times in the ED become so ridiculous that they threaten lives because of these GOMERs, compassion is not a priority.
Of course, the reason why EDs are such a place of disillusionment in the first place is due to a myriad of social problems that many of these adults are victims (using the word cautiously) of. So, when you are confronted with this stark reality day in and day out, you may start coping in a really messed up way. These women you work with are not coping appropriately and maybe need a come to Jesus moment ASAP. But, this is on them and how they are dealing with it. Yes, it's tiring but a gentle reminder that you just need objective information to do your job is about the best you can do. They're just venting -- it's venting in an ugly way and it's impacting everyone around them negatively so they should definitely be called out on it.
Yikes! You do know 90 year olds are still capable of contributing to society, right? They are also perfectly capable of enjoying life, friends, and family. I'm glad you're not making the decisions around here...
There are also the ones that are bed-bound who are coming in for their umpteenth UTI and are so whacked out of their minds from infection that they can't comprehend what is happening to them and beg us to stop touching them when we're desperate for a vein just to get them started on hydration. I believe that's the kind of 90 yo they're talking about. You know, the more typical kind that is stuck between this life and the next, haplessly having people make poor choices for their life-sustaining measures.
These attitudes are toxic, poor models for students and recent graduates, and reveal that the moral and social development of these nurses is weak. But the work context also favors or discourages these positions. The same nurse can behave differently, depending on the type of service management.
There are a couple of nurses I work with who seem to despise patients. One gal is exhausting to be around. They often put her in triage, she will literally give you an eye rolling negative assessment of how obnoxious the patient is, what a pathetic drug seeker, how fat, smelly, whiney, stupid, it goes on and on.
The other gal is the same. She too does triage, and will walk out of the room loudly indignant at what an appalling person she just interacted with.
Frankly, if you have such disdain for humanity, nursing is a poor choice of a career. Yes, people with poor coping skills end up in the ER more often. So what else is new? Yes, there are social ills in the world. People smoke, drink too much, eat too much, take meth, then end up in the ER.
Try to have a little emotional detachment and at least feign compassion. And, can you shut up about how awful these people are, it's tiring to hear!
I think they need a little push that will tell them that they aren't perfect either.
I don't understand how can you be mean to a patient or their relative when they feel so down because of illness. A lot of patients don't ask for million dollar smiles and cheer. They just want to see that you respect them, care for them and will help them.
I think they need a little push that will tell them that they aren't perfect either. I don't understand how can you be mean to a patient or their relative when they feel so down because of illness. A lot of patients don't ask for million dollar smiles and cheer. They just want to see that you respect them, care for them and will help them.
If people were perfect, the nurse you spoke about would probably be out of a job. Hospitals everywhere would close because so few people needed them. Sounds to me like that nurse is really hoping to draw a line, one that divides "people with a right to care and compassion" from "those that should be excluded from care because they are unworthy of being cared about." And then she is hoping someone will reassure her that she, of course, belongs on the "deserving of care" side of that line. That mindset is draining to work around. Most folks are very aware that humanity is imperfect, and we could all use some polishing up here and there. Nursing is a privilege. We are given people's lives to hold in our hands. I'm not saying its always easy, because we all know it definitely isn't, but the truth is that we are given a sacred gift when we are entrusted with the lives of our fellow humans.
There are also the ones that are bed-bound who are coming in for their umpteenth UTI and are so whacked out of their minds from infection that they can't comprehend what is happening to them and beg us to stop touching them when we're desperate for a vein just to get them started on hydration. I believe that's the kind of 90 yo they're talking about. You know, the more typical kind that is stuck between this life and the next, haplessly having people make poor choices for their life-sustaining measures.
That qualifier does change the perspective a bit, but I'm perhaps influenced by my own experiences as well. When my father passed away last year, he was taken into the emergency room three days before and they initiated life-saving procedures that ended up giving him three more days. He was in his mid-70s, and anyone on the ER team looking at him would have known he was on his way out, if not that night, then within the week for sure.
What they couldn't have known is that he had three kids who lived in a different state (we had moved him to my sister's with her family because she's home and her husband is retired and they had plenty of room and time to care for him). That extra three days gave us all a chance to be there with him when he passed. It meant everything to us.
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SmilingBluEyes
20,964 Posts
I see "both" sides. Patients deserve respect and compassionate care. But some of the abuses nurses have taken through the years from the "customers" has jaded them and broken their spirits. The ideal thing is when a person is burning out, to find a new situation, job or to get out. But it's not always easy. And yes, negative people suck energy out of others. I was burning out in my specialty some years back and realized I was seeing patients as nothing more than pains in my butt. I was lucky in that I got out and got a new start in a new specialty. It was a breath of fresh air and helped enormously. I find the older I get, the less tolerance I have for disrespect and abuse from patients and family. I have a short fuse. I have learned to walk away, go outside and take some deep breaths. And to leave it at work when I go home. It has saved me many times.
I am not too quick to judge people like this, but I do happen to agree, their patients and coworkers don't deserve the brunt of their unhappiness. There is no easy solution, well wait, there is. Treat nurses with the respect they deserve as human beings and professionals. Treat the elder nurse as a gold mine of information and experience. Treat the newer, or younger nurses, with respect, too, because the future of nursing is in them, and we need them.
I know that is so easily said, hard to do. But it's a start and it begins with ME. For example, I treat the young staff with more respect than I used to. I don't think I "deserve" respect because I am older and experienced; I realize it must be earned. I encourage all prospective nurses to go for it, but let them know their path won't be easy. I offer to mentor them through the land mines of nursing school and being a new nurse. I know, I need them ----to work with me and to care for me if I do live to be old.
Respect, that is the bottom line. And again, it begins with me.