Is This Where I'm Going to Die?

[Career2_BSN, BSN]

"Is this where I'm going to die?"

A resident who had been admitted to the hospice wing of our facility asked me this question 1st thing in the morning on my 3rd clinical shift as a CNA student. He stopped me in my tracks. He asked it in a very matter-of-fact tone and I was paralyzed for a moment. He was fairly young (maybe 50) and in my 5-minute briefing that morning, I learned he was admitted the day before with terminal liver cancer.

He appeared to be looking for an answer to his question and at first, I didn't know how to respond. Then I remembered what our instructor taught us and told him "Hospice can be done anywhere. It's your choice whether you stay here or have a nurse visit you in your home." He then told me he didn't have a home. He had been living in his truck on his work site until he was no longer able to work. He had no family to speak of since his mother had recently passed. He had a couple of friends who were supposed to visit. They were going to bring him some clothes since he only had the set he had worn to the hospital.

I checked in on him several times that day. He was clearly upset, and rightly so, given his recent diagnosis and move. He didn't need a lot of physical care at that point. He was capable of handling all of his own ADLs. But, he needed help with other things because he was flustered -- dialing the phone, working the remote on the TV, closing his patio door when it was 90 degrees out and he couldn't understand why the A/C wasn't working efficiently, etc. He needed someone to talk to.

I checked on him other days, too, even though he wasn't my resident. As students, we had a lot of down time and we were discouraged from chatting with each other in the halls (obviously). But, chatting with residents was considered patient care.

I graduated at the top of my CNA class and have my certification now. I often think of this resident, and several others, when I ponder my career path. I start an RN program this Fall and when I falter and think "maybe I'll stick with the business job", I remember these residents and I am 100% sure I want to take care of people. Some of those clinical days were long and some of the tasks less than pleasant but every day, I went home with a smile on my face, feeling wonderful. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that I had a positive effect on someone that day.

I hope other CNA students find their experiences to be good ones. Best of luck to you all!

[Missingyou, CNA]

Thank you for the reminder.

[amygarside]

You're greatly appreciated for your deed. It was very inspiring to read to your article. I hope you all the best in your career. Good luck.

[Psychcns]

Great to read about your experience. Thanks for sharing.

[sueall]

Excellent post. Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder of why we're doing this. Yours was a wonderful reminder.

[duskyjewel]

I work hospice and also find it spiritually satisfying. Almost every shift at the hospital, I left at the end feeling I did someone wrong or neglected people. I usually had no choice, because my patient load and the acuity were so high. Working hospice, I feel like I make a difference and do good. The acuity is still sometimes very high, but the patient load is much more realistic, and the completely different focus helps. At the hospital, I didn't feel like I took care of people. I just felt like I did things to them. In hospice, I take care of people.