Clinical Instructor from Hell

Hello Everyone,

I am in an accelerated nursing program with 3 and a half months left until I receive my BSN. I have learned a lot in the last year and am hoping to make it really far in nursing.

That said, I am currently being sabotaged right now by my clinical instructor. I know, I know; this sounds like another "complaining" session but I'm really not here to vent. (Well maybe a little) I have been nothing but respectful and optimistic towards her and have always thanked her for her "constructive" criticism in the past. I have done extra credit projects for her just for the hell of it (on top of all of the piles of care plans and assessment projects that we have to do just to stay afloat in this program) but it's getting to the point where she is now insulting my character in front of floor nurses, graduate students, and the other students in my clinical group. I have never cried in front of her but I almost did yesterday because I'd had enough.

My clinical instructor has certain people that she favors over others but she definitely does not like ME. To the best of my knowledge, I am the only person in my clinical group who is having to go through this.

Example: Yesterday I was sent into a room with my pediatric patient to do my graded Head-To-Toe assessment on him. I was prepared; I knew all of my landmarks, I gave my instructor a decent environmental and general survey of him, I was creative, I played with the child while I assessed him. He was happy. My instructor (and the grad student that she had with her) told me that they were going to be a "fly on the wall" during my assessment and let me "do my thing." So I did...until she started jumping in, playing with my kid, telling me that I needed to change his diaper while I was listening to HEART sounds...completely distracting me. After she would distract me by playing with my patient, she would then try to "prompt" me in what I should do for my assessment, even though I've already one it hundreds of times and know what I'm doing and what I need to look for. I understand that no one is perfect and maybe she was trying to prepare me for the "real world." I'm smart enough to know that nothing will ever go as planned. The problem was, I kept having to re-orient myself and to do so, I had to verbally talk myself through the assessment while I was doing it, at the same time that I was explaining my procedures to my peds patient. After the assessment, she pulled me aside out into the hallway in front of the nurses' station (and in front of my classmates) and told me that even though I was "very smart," I was not "involving" the patient enough in my assessment and that I appeared to have "no self esteem." Everyone heard this and this was only at 8:00 a.m. Needless to say, my day was ruined from the start.

I might as well add in here that I was singing to my patient during the assessment, letting him play with trucks, touch my stethescope before I used it on him, explaining everything to him in "kid terms," tickling him, and giving him stickers for being a "good boy." All this and she dared to tell me that the psychosocial part of my assessment "was non-existent."

On top of that insult and the blow to my "self esteem," she told me that she was going to fail me for my assessment and that even though I wasn't going to get any better of a grade, I have to do another assessment with her. Even worse, one of my friends who didn't even know the location of the femoral artery was told that she needed to "sharpen up," but that she did not have to do another assessment with her.

I am at the end of my rope. I have tried so hard to be on her good side. I have always thanked her, always turned in my assignments on time, always gone the "extra mile," and have told her what she needed to hear about my patients and more. Some of the people in my clinical group are complete idiots and she treats them better than she does me. It is getting to the point where I no longer even want to think about nursing after I finish this program. I have been through a lot of things: Close family members dying, cancer, multiple surgeries, getting cheated on by my ex-fiancee, losing my best friends. I am still OPTIMISTIC. I had so much hope for myself in this and I know that I'm a strong person but dammit, I do not deserve this at all. I did nothing to her. I wish that she would go after someone in my group who needs to be brought down a peg or two. (And there are several.)

In a way, I kind of think that I know what my advice will be but I am just so sick of this happening to me. I've lost my appetite, am now having anxiety attacks even at home in bed, and am about to go in for counseling. Please, somebody tell me what else I can do besides continue to kiss her ass. She hates students who confront her on her behavior and will not hesitate to go on the attack against anyone who does not act like they are in love with her. I just want to pass this clinical but she is honestly starting to ruin my life.

Oh and p.s: Going to other professors or the Dean of the School of Nursing is out because they're all in cahoots with one another and would never stand up for me.