In the wake of a rather silly lawsuit (patient claimed that three young, beautiful women and one fat old broad -- that would be me -- "strapped him down and fondled his privates" all night long and while he had rather enjoyed the experience, upon reflection he felt that "it just wasn't right, and other people wouldn't be as opened minded.") our manager called a staff meeting to ensure that such a thing would not happen again. (The lawsuit -- I'm sure she doesn't actually believe we sexually assaulted the patient). One thing that came out of the meeting was that there are patients who are as crazy as bedbugs but the charting doesn't reflect that. "Let's make sure we document if the patient is confused, people."
That mandate has led to some rather interesting charting:
"Patient grabbed my nuts and yelled "you won't get away from me this time." (Nurse wasn't a native English speaker. CNA pointed out that "nuts" isn't proper terminology. Nurse revised the charting to read that the patient "grabbed my balls.")
"Heard patient screaming and rushed to room to find Foley catheter wrapped around his hand and stretched to near breaking. Patient complains of penile pain. Teaching done re: correlation between pulling on Foley catheter and penile discomfort." Later, the nurse charted that she "entered the room to find Foley catheter lying on bed next to patient. Patient states that "some dude came by and pulled it out. Honest!""
"Patient restless and agitated, asking for water despite NPO status. Claims that "that guy" (pointing to intubated, comatose patient in the next bed) gave him some earlier and he can't understand why he won't just go get him some more."
"Patient concerned about hearing voices. Intercom silenced." And later on that shift, "Patient found with arterial line in teeth, bleeding from radial artery. Pressure held. Patient claims that the voices told him to take that thing out or he wouldn't get to go to his room."
"Oriented to person, place and situation although he is inappropriate at times. Attempting to converse with Alaris pump." What didn't get charted was the part where he was furious that "that uppity bastard won't answer me."
"Patient is confused no matter what the doctor says. The doctor wasn't in the room wrestling with him all damned night!"
"Heart rate in the 120s, temperature is rising and patient is becoming increasingly agitated and demanding a margarita. Patient was admitted to CCU approximately 72 hours ago. Patient's wife states that patient never uses alcohol of any kind, although he does take little blue pills like candy. Wife produced 5 quart bucket filled with Valium tablets."
I guess we have a little more work to do on our charting!
I am a little concerned about the woman who thought "nuts" and "balls" are the appropriate medical terms. Just because English wasnt her first language is a poor excuse.
that uppity bastard... lmfao!!!! this is top notch stuff.
[color=sienna]i am finding this absolutely hilarious. so funny! you have had some one of a kind experiences. you need to do stand up nursing comedy and travel to my hospital and give us all some comic relief. seriously...
Specializes in Med/surg, ER/ED,rehab ,nursing home.
How about being the "white wax" in a Lava lamp, or seeing a voodoo priest shaking his rattle...right over there....pointing to the nurses station. Can't remember all of the things patients have done, but just when you think you have seen and heard all, you will see something new.
Specializes in Neuro-Surgery, Med-Surg, Home Health.
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One former patient of mine claimed that she "fell from a hoyer lift" while she was being transferred from one room to another. She filed a lawsuit from her supposed "injuries" sustained during the fall. I guess her stupid lawyer/s did not thoroughly read my documentation which read "patient was transferred from room#... to room #... via her hospital bed."
When our own hospital's lawyer came to our unit and interviewed everyone present on the night the patient was supposed to have fallen, she found out that our hoyer lift had been broken for over a year! (Yep, no budget)
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i am a little concerned about the woman who thought "nuts" and "balls" are the appropriate medical terms. just because english wasnt her first language is a poor excuse.
actually it was a man.
but this is a fun thread, not for anyone to take seriously or attempt to correct anyone.
This has been years ago, when charting was simpler and shorter --I came in to read the notes from the shift before me: The nurse had charted 3 phrases, one on each line, in this order, without punctuation;
"New diet served
Male visitor
ate 50%."
That has tickled me for years. I also had a lewd patient who handled himself outside the covers and stated "I bet you think I'm a basterd". I charted the instance and as well " this nurse did not disagree with the patient."
To much computer charting reduces the "real" message of some charting.
patient ... stated "I bet you think I'm a basterd". I charted the instance and as well " this nurse did not disagree with the patient."
I was a mental health counselor before I became a nurse. They still had us narrative charting, to leave room for all of the great quotes in the documentation. There are also some crazy quotes that I have to document from parents now, when we have child neglect or abuse cases. I tend to stick with the old standbys of "Pt stated..." or "Pt's mother verbalized...."
Specializes in Case management, Utilization Review.
I think one of the funniest pieces of charting I ever read was on an ER note: "Pt states has had diarrhea running away from the house for 3days". Eewwwwww! I sure don't want to do a home visit to THAT house!
We also had one of our admitting folks put in THIS classic diagnosis.. 'Neutromember'. I can't tell you how much fun some of us had w/ that one.
Specializes in Case management, Utilization Review.
There was an elderly male patient brought in once because he said his house was being broken into by dwarves. He had his gun and had been acting threateningly. He was perfectly alert, oriented, and appropriate in every other way. Thank goodness it wasn't Halloween!
morte, LPN, LVN
7,015 Posts
1) why do you assume that it was a woman?
2) this is a vent/humor thread
3) at least we made it to page 4, before......