Changing Lives Exponentially

[opdahlamber]

I wanted to be a nurse because I was inspired. When I was 15 and very naive, I got pregnant. I was scared but my boyfriend at the time was very nice, as were his parents. Everything was going ok. I had plans to finish high school and go to college with their help. Then, I had my first ultrasound.

The tech put the wand on my then 22 week tummy and said, "Lets see what we have, shall we?" After about 20 seconds, she turned the screen away from me and said, "I'm just going to call the doctor, ok?" She seemed very shaken. I waited nervously for the doctor to come back.

They explained to me that my baby girl had Osteognesis Imperfecta Type 2. They told me that my baby had 22 fractures at that time, her femurs were growing severely bowed, and that she would die within moments of birth due to lack of collagen in her body. They told me I need to have an abortion or my child would die screaming in pain.

I left the office numb. Sure, at 15 a child would complicate my life but I loved her. I had wanted her. I was supposed to think about my options and come back 4 days later. I talked to my boyfriend's family and him that night. As first generation Irish Catholic immigrants, they couldn't condone an abortion and I couldn't either. We decided to name the baby Aisling (Gaelic for "Beautiful Dream") and go through with the birth. We grieved.

The doctor was wrong. My Aisling lived for 5 hours and 22 minutes. She was born with several fractures and received another just putting a diaper on. She cried. I couldn't pick her up and comfort her. I saw the nurses in that NICU cry for me and my little broken girl. As she breathed her last breath, one of those nurses placed her in my arms. She told me I could say good bye now. She held me as I cried.

I want to be that nurse. I want to comfort and be the angel that other people need during the best and worst moments of their lives. Isn't that why we all want to be nurses? The difference between these wonderful people and a nursing instructor is that teachers make expoentially more of those life touches. For every one student, they touch hundreds of lives. Call me selfish but I want this for me. I want to touch thousands. Can you imagine? Isn't it our duty?

This is how I fight the nursing shortage. I'm going to make more nurses. We need more teachers. I hope my story inspires you to help me!

[opdahlamber]

You are (mostly) wonderful people that I am glad to call colleagues. I'm glad that my Aisling can be remembered this way and be an inspiration to others. You bring tears to my eyes with your encouraging comments and feedback. Thank you. Specifically to "Merrywhiterose" If you were my student ever, I would fail you for conduct unbecoming to nurses everywhere. You are the type of person who gives us the bad rep of "eating our young". Hope you someday learn to be less bitter and cynical and I'm sorry that you had to go through the things that made you this way. Hope you learn to own them and learn from them.

[twopurpleskittles]

I'm so sorry about your precious angel baby. I cannot imagine what that was like for you. I cried reading this and I love that you found inspiration in the midst of tragedy. Perhaps that was your Aisling's purpose. All the best to you and your endeavor. Teach on! (((HUGS)))

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

You are (mostly) wonderful people that I am glad to call colleagues. I'm glad that my Aisling can be remembered this way and be an inspiration to others. You bring tears to my eyes with your encouraging comments and feedback. Thank you. Specifically to "Merrywhiterose" If you were my student ever, I would fail you for conduct unbecoming to nurses everywhere. You are the type of person who gives us the bad rep of "eating our young". Hope you someday learn to be less bitter and cynical and I'm sorry that you had to go through the things that made you this way. Hope you learn to own them and learn from them.

I am very sorry for what you had to go through. I am sure you will use your experience in your nursing career to help guide your care and interactions.

I do want to point something out though: You criticize Merrywhiterose for her 'conduct unbecoming to nurses everywhere'. The comments she made were not unbecoming. She commented on how the nursing shortage is false. That is true, at least in the US and most of Canada. She made a comment about how an abortion would have been less painful to your child. While this is part of the age-old debate on abortion, it didn't imply any cynicism or bitterness on her part. I think that yes, it definitely showed what her personal beliefs on abortion are. But then again, your post did too. Your implication that abortion is wrong, that it is wrong of someone to do so, that is also very judgmental and unbecoming of a nurse.

All that being said, again, what you went through must have been absolutely terrible. I can't even imagine the pain you must have felt holding your child during this time. Your beliefs and your strength helped you make your decision. Just remember that for someone else, the strong decision could have been to terminate, no matter how difficult and heartbreaking it would be to them. There are always two sides to every coin. For all you know, Merrywhiterose might have gone through a similar experience, and felt judged by your post...

Part of being a nurse is putting aside our personal beliefs to benefit our patient's and their healing.

[opdahlamber]

I do have some issues with not using my own values and judgements as a ruler for others. It's something I need to work on. It's difficult.

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

That's fine. Biggest part of making a change is acknowledging you have an issue that needs work. :)

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

BTW, I love your daughter's name, Aisling. We named our little girl Aislynn, pretty rare to hear anything similar to it!

[crazymama23]

Amazing story! I have read both of your stories now and they both really touched me. I am also from a teeny tiny town in Iowa and there is a major nursing instructor shortage here! I want to eventually be a clinical instructor!