Caring for mother affecting my career

[imenid37]

My mother is in her mid 80's and has dementia. I took a break from my job and am doing very part-time teaching. My mother has caregivers part-time and I also watch her. She can be very unpleasant sometimes. Mostly she is confused but ok. I have been helping to care for her for about 9 months now. She had a full time caregiver who stole from her in another state. I moved her closer and so I am better able to see what is going on with her.

I feel like I was was once very engaged at work and top of my game. Now I feel disjointed and miserable professionally. By the time I do what she needs, I am drained. I still read journals and do CE, but I feel disconnected. I like teaching, but I woud like to do a little more. Today I went on a job interview after my mother had me up all night. I had no time to eat. I couldn't focus and I know I flubbed the interview questions. One easy question I was asked, just woud not come to me.

My sister is not physically helpful or even verbally supportive. She is just pretty much absent from the situation. I know a lot of nurses care for aging relatives, will I ever be professionally normal again? I feel like trying to help my mother is a career killer. We do not have the $ for full time caregivers, so I do have to help her at least 50 hours/week.

I would love to know what is at the other end of this from others who have "lived to tell" the tale. It is very hard right now. Any insights or suggestions greatly appreciated.

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

I'm sorry for your hard times. It's a brutal truth that they won't last forever. Not that the next logical phase is anything to look forward to either. But you will get your life back, in due time, and I hope you find that when you come back, your present pain will make you a stronger nurse. Things I learned in my father's last years come back to me at work pretty regularly, and I walk onto the floor with a sense of purpose that I didn't know I had in me. Anyway, here's one old sinner who'll pray for you.

[JKL33]

I haven't had your exact experience but I just wanted to send support. Your situation has to be right "up there" as far as physically and emotionally taxing situations go. Can you reach out to any area organizations for additional help for which your mom may qualify? Or are there any in your community who may be looking for volunteer hours? Even a 2-hr volunteer stint here and there would give you a little more time for self-care...

Please, please take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You have my respect and virtual best wishes as you make your way through this ~

[elkpark]

Being a caregiver for a family member with dementia can be v. difficult and draining, and makes everything else you're trying to get done that much harder. I realize you feel like you're trying to do too much in too little time already, but have you thought about getting some therapy? Or attending a family/caregiver support group? Either of those things might be helpful. Best wishes!