Can I please get some critiques on this letter?

Published

Specializes in CVICU.

Hello allnurses!

I am a first year RN student who has volunteered in an different ER in the past, and I am pretty darn sure I want to be an ER nurse when I pass my boards. I will be have the neccesary certification to work as an ER tech in about three weeks, and I would like to have my ducks in a row so I will be ready to hire.

The main hospital in the area usually hires RN students to be ER techs. A friend of mine whose mother used to work with the ER manager gave me the ER managers email address. I figure this will be a better way to contact her than to just show up unannounced in the ER!

I've heard she is very direct and no nonsense, so this is my short and to the point email.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!:redbeathe

Title: **my school** RN student interested in ER tech position

Hello Mrs ******,

My name is ****** and I am a first year RN student at *****. I am fairly certain that I want to be an ER nurse when I graduate, and that an ER tech position will give me an excellent foundation to build upon. **My friend** told me you are the ER manager and gave me your email address. If at all possible, and at your convenience, I would appreciate the opportunity to come in and talk with you about an ER tech position with **hospital**. I currently have my NA I and am eligible to apply for my NA II around February 17th.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Thank You

My Name

My contact info

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.

title: **my school** rn student interested in er tech position (possibly include year? first year nursing student interested in...)

mrs ******,

my name is ****** and i am a first year rn student at *****. i am considering the er as a position of interest when i graduate. i feel the er tech position at your facility will give me an excellent foundation to build upon and gain experience in this area. i was referred to you by ***name*** for more information on this position.

if at all possible, and at your convenience, i would appreciate the opportunity to come in and talk with you. i currently have my na i and am eligible to apply for my na ii around february 17th.

i look forward to hearing from you!

thank you (i sign everything with sincerely for a profession finish, but this might just be old school).

my name

my contact info

my edits are in red. even in an email it is good to get used to sounding as professional and confident as possible.

best of luck!

tait

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Specializes in CVICU.

Tait you are WONDERFUL! :bowingpurThat was exactly what I was looking for. I knew it was a little rough around the edges but I didn't know exactly how to clean it up.

I agree with what you said about the confidence part, but I don't want to come across as arrogant or know-it-all either. ???

Oh and p.s. I :redbeathegaga too! I was able to see her in concert over Christmas break in San francisco and it was AMAZING.

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.
Tait you are WONDERFUL! :bowingpurThat was exactly what I was looking for. I knew it was a little rough around the edges but I didn't know exactly how to clean it up.

I agree with what you said about the confidence part, but I don't want to come across as arrogant or know-it-all either. ???

Oh and p.s. I :redbeathegaga too! I was able to see her in concert over Christmas break in San francisco and it was AMAZING.

Glad I could help! And don't worry about the arrogance part. Simply stating what you want/need isn't arrogant, it is directed :)

I saw Gaga in Atlanta on Dec 28th! 5th row just left of center. I adore her :)

Tait

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Pain, End of Life Care.

bravo tait...my thoughts exactly on a well placed email. well stated and very professional

peace

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Specializes in ER.

Don't forget to attach a resume as well! Good luck!

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Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.

Remember that she has email but might not use it much. I've found that to be the case with many people. You might consider mailing your note too, and on each form of your interest-statement, indicate that you're sending the other, and that you did that in order to reach her in the most timely way.

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Specializes in home health, dialysis, others.

I don't think you should send an e-mail. In fact, I don't think that you should have been given her email address, unless the party who gave it to you asked her first. I would contact her at her work number, and ask if you could speak w/her about working there, or would she prefer you send your resume via email or fax.

Best wishes!

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Specializes in mental health, military nursing.

I disagree about the e-mailing. As long as your letter is well-written and doesn't use slang, poor punctuation, or emoticons, e-mail is a perfectly acceptable way to send a resume. Most places want an electronic copy of your resume anyway since it's easier to forward to other departments.

Good luck!

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Specializes in L&D, PACU.

I think email is fine. In fact, that is how I got my first job out out of nursing school. My first contact with my nurse manager was with an unsolicited email from me to her. I agree that being direct is a good idea. Also, leaving out tentative language in any writing situation is a good idea. I think we're taught (we females anyway) to temper our language, to be tentative. But honestly, it reads much better if you leave out phrases like "fairly certain". Take a stand. It makes you look stronger, and an RN, especially an ER RN, needs to be strong.

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