Can my husband come with?

DanznRN, RN · May 18, 2008

Let's use your post as a guide to my answers, they'll be in bold:

:heartbeatHey All,
But, honestly... can my husband come with me? Sure, hubby can come with you to all duty stations, but not on deployments obviously How often will we have to be apart? Worst case scenario? It all depends on the length of deployment you get. Otherwise, you can live together when you are at any duty stations. I have no problem being stationed just about anywhere- so long as he is with me. If he were to enlist, he would be "enlisted" instead of an officer like me. I don't know if that would make it easier for us to do joint assignments but I'm thinking it wouldn't. I HIGHLY suggest that he not enlist and you be an officer, it will not make anything easier and would complicate things. Even if he were an officer, you 2 being in different specialties would make it difficult.
I know that deployment will be a fact of service-- just wondering if I can get around that for the most part (assuming a 20 year career- I'm under 30!) if willing to do a lot of overseas locations. The answer to this is a resounding no. In today's Navy/ military deployments are a fact of life, it comes with the territory. You can not spend your career overseas avoiding deployment, the Navy has figured that one out already. Besides, overseas duty stations are supporting deployment needs as well. With that in mind, if you do not want to deploy do not join. I know my husband would have an extremely hard time coping without me. Not that anyone is overjoyed to see a loved one go... but, it's a huge factor. It's a huge factor for all of us, I have 3 boys and it's not any easier on us with the Mrs. currently being gone. It's a matter of perspective and desire to be in the Navy, you have to want it. I make good enough, or better, money in the private sector now. I like the fringe benefits and travel opps to work in foreign countries with u.s. wages. That is something I don't see offered as much. Correct, overseas assignments are great, we were in Italy for 3 years. However, overseas duty stations are once every other tour so about once every 3 years at best. Again, just being overseas doesn't guarantee non-deployment. And you can not go from one overseas duty station to another, gotta come back to the states for a tour. Also, your first duty station will be stateside and expect to be deployed after your first year on active duty, in some cases it's less time. I have seen new nurses be deployed within 4 months of joining, again fact of life.
Plus, as a relatively young nurse, I feel like the structure of the military could really enhance my career satisfaction. My parents were MPs and I find the lack of order and structure at work to be difficult. I like stringent penalties for late coworkers and equitable vacation times for all. These things are lacking in the civilian world. True, but the Navy has changed since the parents have been in for sure. And the reaction and treatment of what you mentioned above all depends on the leader you work for. I personally run my department in a fashion similar to what you mentioned, but it all depends.
GrnMtn Girl

It seems the hubby factor is huge here. Based on some of your statements, I'm not sure this would be a good fit for you guys. I'm not being rude or harsh, just stating some observations. the last I want to have happen is to have an unhappy member working alongside me. The Navy/ military isn't for everyone, it can be a tough life. It all boils down to desire and will, that's a decision for you to make. Let me know if you have more questions.

LCDR Dan

Trauma Columnist · May 18, 2008

Listen to above poster! I have done the USN thing. I loved it. However, it is not for everyone. Both partners in the marriage must be very independent. Hubby is retired Air Force and we have been together 30 years. We have been separated up to one year. Not too much fun. However, we did get to travel a lot and lived overseas for a total of 10 years. Lots of stories.

The needs of the military come first.

RN1989 · May 18, 2008

We lived in the area where ever my husband's ship was in port and moved when it changed home ports. The above posters are correct that you must be very independent to be able to live without the assistance of the other one. You can't call them for advice. They aren't there to fix a leak or help you figure out some big financial question.

My husband was out at sea when I sold his ratty,old car and bought a new one. I had break-ins while I was home and my husband worried that something would happen while he was on a Med Cruise and he wouldn't find out about it until weeks later. I was happy with the Navy when a hurricane was headed our way. They have to take all the ships out to sea to ride through a hurricane to prevent damage to ships and the pier. I was freaking out but I was given a number to call and they assigned a Seabee to groups of wives so that if the hurricane caused damage or other issues, we had someone specific to call to get help. It was nice not to be left on our own.

As a nurse I made numerous phone calls to the Red Cross and talked to a lot of ship captains in order to relay emergent messages from my patients to their husbands out at sea.

Not sure if there is much support for men married to Navy officers. I did not have the support of the wive's groups on base because I didn't fit in due to being educated (unlike a lot of enlisted wives) but being married to an enlisted man (so the officer's wives wouldn't be friends with me). It can be lonely until you make your own way. Although if you fit into a group, there is tons of support and activities available near base.

It is hard to live a Navy life. Although I am glad now that my husband is home with me, I would never trade our experiences. We got to do things we never would have done otherwise. I would do it again and so would my husband if we were younger. I still cry when I see the families on the pier saying goodbye or welcoming their sailors home. I am proud of my husband's career and miss being an active duty Navy wife.

grnmtngirl · May 18, 2008

Thanks everyone. I'd say based on these responses right now, we're not ready. I appreciate the honest feedback.

navynurse808 · Aug 6, 2008

let's use your post as a guide to my answers, they'll be in bold:
it seems the hubby factor is huge here. based on some of your statements, i'm not sure this would be a good fit for you guys. i'm not being rude or harsh, just stating some observations. the last i want to have happen is to have an unhappy member working alongside me. the navy/ military isn't for everyone, it can be a tough life. it all boils down to desire and will, that's a decision for you to make. let me know if you have more questions.
lcdr dan

lcdr dan,

question for you. you mentioned that new navy nurses get depolyed during their first duty station. my questions are where are they deployed to and for how long?

also, when you say "deployed" what does that truly mean because when i hear that word the only thing i think is iraq or afghanistan!

mahalo,

md

DanznRN, RN · Aug 10, 2008

lcdr dan,

question for you. you mentioned that new navy nurses get depolyed during their first duty station. my questions are where are they deployed to and for how long?

also, when you say "deployed" what does that truly mean because when i hear that word the only thing i think is iraq or afghanistan!

mahalo,
md

md-

iraq and afghanistan are not the only 2 places to be deployed right now, there are plenty of missions/ operations going on. those 2 you mentioned are very prominent, but there are others. my wife is currently on the second half of a 6 month deployment to central/ south america for a humanitarian mission. most navy nurse deployments are for 6 - 12 months, just all depends on what you get selected for.

lcdr dan