Can anyone offer me feedback on my Statement of Pupose?

[katsAcrazy]

Here is what they wanted us to answer:

-Why are you choosing a career in nursing at this time?

-What experiences have you had in the health care field?

-What are your short- and long-term goals?

-How have you planned (financially and personally) for the year of full-time study in this accelerated program?

I'm not sure why, but I'm really insecure about it. I am worried it is too long. I know the grammar is not perfect either but I am going to take it to the writing center on campus to fix that part. For now I just want feedback on the content and whether I should be concerned about its length. Feel free to be honest and critical. I want it to be perfect and I want to get into this nursing program really bad. THANKS A TON!!

Here it is:

What truth does a perspective nursing student really have to say about a career in nursing? For us, nursing is the most inspiring career of all. Nurses save lives, they heal suffering, they defend dignity, they teach members of the community, they care for all humankind, and they make a difference in their daily work. Our adrenaline rises as we imagine becoming the very heroes equipped with skills to respond to emergency situations like desaturating oxygen levels or a change in heart rhythm. We fill with excitement the moment a friend comes to us with an injury or illness allowing us to instinctly nurture and apply the small sense of knowledge we have gained through CNA courses and observing our role models at work. However, what few inspired students have yet to say is the truth that twelve hour shifts are far too short to complete required hours of charting and as time runs short on sore backs and aching feet, the inevitable sense that patients who we currently view as opportunities to form connections with start to look like another Dilaudid seeker, or soiled bed to change. I personally understand that nursing is not an easy career, but with the deep love I feel for the patients I help I know it is what I am going to do. To explain it best, the other day while I was at work, I was a sitter for a very confused patient. When her daughter came to pick the patient up upon discharge she asked me if I planned to become a Registered Nurse. I responded yes and she said "good because with all the hospitals we have been to in the last few months, you are the most patient and caring person who has worked with us."

If I had a dollar for every time a nurse, feeling slightly burnt out at 3AM, has looked into my hungry eyes and asked me if I'm sure I want go into nursing, I wouldn't need to pursue any career at all. During these moments, I usually laugh and respond by saying "there is no other profession I could see myself doing". Then they tell me that I'm "still young". In actuality I'm not young, I feel like I have been in school forever, I already received a bachelor's degree, and I have been endlessly tackling nursing prerequisites for years. However, nothing will make me stop my pursuit and I feel more motivated than ever that I am ready for the challenges that a career in nursing will bring. I have worked 7PM to 7AM on nights before I have had important exams because I love my job as a CNA. I would never have the heart to leave a job that inspires me every day to get good grades in the core classes that will get me into nursing school. Truthfully, while I am running from room to room, changing linens, giving bedbaths, taking vital signs, draining foley bags, emptying Jackson-Pratt drains and changing suction canisters, there are moments I realize this is not the glamorous career I imagined it to be when I first embarked on its journey. But at the same time, I do not have enough room in this essay to talk about all the inspiring patients who carry me through these moments with the upmost excitement of becoming a nurse, and a great nurse for that matter.

Working at a high volume trauma hospital in Los Angeles has shown me many career alternatives which exist to cater to my highly energetic, challenge seeking personality. I've considered the easier route of becoming a Respiratory Therapist, an Occupational Therapist, a Dietician, or a Child Life Director - but none fulfills my never ending desire to care for patients to the core at the bedside. It made most sense to me the other day when I was floated to the Neurological Rehabilitation and Research Unit, a difficult unit to be sent to as a float CNA. Having experienced a stroke or other brain injury, the patient load is heavy and they require a lot of dependence. As expected many patients are total cares, unable to walk, follow direction or even control their toileting. Adding to these factors, patients are emotional, frustrated, and unable to speak or communicate. When the RN gave me report on my patients for the day, my heart sunk as she told me about a fifty year old woman who suffered a stroke three weeks ago. She was stable, receiving physical therapy, able to use the bedside commode, but could only communicate through hand gestures and grunts. She finished by telling me this was an ICU nurse and it hit every nerve in me. Here I was assisting in the care of someone whom I strive to become, a person who worked just as hard as I am to overcome the challenges of nursing school and a career of long hours full heartedly. At fifty years old she was to face the biggest challenge of all - a path in life no one would ever ask for, recovering from a stroke. She cried most of the day and was very sorrowful, but I did everything I could to provide her with comfort. By the end of the day after seeing her walk with physical therapy and asking her nurse if she will be able to get her speech back, I stopped by her room and told her how proud I was of her and how I know if she just keeps working as hard as she did that day she will get better. She gave me the best and most inspiring tearful hug and I left wanting to offer that care to every patient I take care of. It's true, we can control how hard we work through clinicals and how well we do in nursing school but we have no idea what ultimate plan lays before us or with our patients. I am looking forward to sharing touching moments like this with my patients and to help them through anything that life throws their way.

Despite the challenges I know that nursing school will bring, specifically an accelerated BSN program, I fully understand that it is the patients who suffer the most and I am ready more than ever to start working with them. I want to be a nurse because I have a desire to share the strength the patients carry as they sit up in bed the first time after surgery, or take their sip of liquid after not being able to swallow because of respiratory tubes. Another incredible day I had at work was as a CNA on the Cardiac Thoracic ICU floor when I helped a young man with a gunshot wound to the chest get up out of bed and ambulate down the hall for the first time post surgery. At first he struggled slightly from stiffness and pain, but once he got up I encouraged him to walk to the door of the room. Once he made it to the door, we walked down the hall. Eventually step by step he made it around the entire unit and asked to go around one more time. I was extremely proud of him and happy I could motivate him to reach his goal. I believe nursing school is challenging for a reason. As students we learn how to overcome and reach goals so that no goal seems out of reach as we motivate our patients. That day I fell deeper in love with the true definition of being a nurse and caring for a patient. The two of us were extremely different, we were of different race, from different ways of life, with different ways of survival, but yet we engaged in deep conversation together. We felt a close bound as I motivated him to get out of bed and he motivated me to further understand why I want to become a nurse

I have been working as a CNA and Unit Secretary for the float pool at UCLA Medical Center for nearly three years. As a member of the float team I have had an opportunity to float all over the hospital from the PACU, to CCU, to all the ICU floors as well as Medical Surgical and specialized research and dialysis units. I have had a true sample of the variety of paths one can take in nursing and every day at work I am filled with excitement as I learn something new. I have been told countless times by patients and family members that I am going to make a wonderful nurse and I cannot wait to start nursing school so that I can get on my way to fulfilling that will. I truly feel like I am ready to start inserting IVs and learning about medication and the accelerated program at Mt. Saint Mary's will allow me to jump on in. The first short term goal in nursing I have made for myself is to get into Mt. Saint Mary's and to absorb myself into the program doing the very best I can do. I have already told my family and friends that I am preparing for an intense program that will take up all my time. I also plan to continue the volunteer and community service work I do. Currently I have offered my time helping to build houses with Habitat for Humanity and painting schools during UCLA Volunteer Day. I understand that a nursing program in the rural Los Angeles area will allow many opportunities to serve a diverse population and offer healthcare assistance to homeless and underserved members of the community. This is why I am interested in the Accelerated BSN program at Mt. Saint Mary's. Once I complete the year long program and pass the boards a longer term goal would be to do a new grad program at UCLA or Children's hospital in downtown Los Angeles. I currently volunteer as a camp counselor at The Painted Turtle, a Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children with chronic illnesses and have grown to love pediatrics. The best moments I have had are spent with these remarkable children celebrating a life that most who have never dealt with hospitalization take for granted. At camp, we sing and dance and teach these children how insignificant their scars are in the real scheme of life.

Despite working at two hospitals, volunteering in the community, and getting A's in the prerequisites, what has made me feel most prepared for nursing school was a trip I took to Honduras, Central America in June 2011 with Global Medical Brigades. As a group of 28 students we drove to rural villages with three doctors and set up mobile health clinics where over 500 patients were served. While in the third world country I saw firsthand how important healthcare is and I developed a strong passion for defending it and offering it to all. It was the first time I have ever left the United States and I learned to ignore the heat, the bugs, my lack of sleep and other insignificant needs as I devoted my care to the needs of the patients. We stayed late until every single patient in the village saw the doctor and received the appropriate medication we brought with us. I signed up to volunteer in Honduras as a way to make a difference in the lives of many underserved Central Americans that had less than substantial healthcare services offered to them, little was I aware the difference these people would make on my own life as they further expanded my love for the human population. We visited an orphanage where we got to play games and share songs from our own culture with children living in conditions completely different from ours and we had the opportunity to tour the Rosa Lima hospital which filled me with hope to someday return with nursing skills that could improve its state and services. We woke up each morning and crowded into a tiny bus with large suitcases of medication and drove through rural mountains and across flooded rivers to reach communities. My trip to Honduras taught me perseverance that I know will pay off while in the nursing program. I also learned how to take care of patients with little verbal communication and gained the trust of many women, children and men who I was there to help. It was the best experience of my healthcare career and I look forward to making international service and volunteer work a huge part of my nursing career.

[leenak]

Did they give you any guidelines on length? I do think it is way too long myself and I'm sure they will as well. Also, you don't really address your long term goals or financial/personal preparation unless I misread your essay. Your long term goals are to work at one of either 2 hospitals? Doing what? How have you prepared financially and personally for the program?

Also, I wouldn't describe other careers as 'easier' routes. I think that statement can be misinterpreted.