Burying loved ones

[Tiki_Torch]

I ask this question in all seriousness.

A nursing friend in Alabama told me that they recently had a hospital inservice about berevement. They said that the speaker said she had checked with everyone of importance and law in the state and that it's true... when a person dies, the family has the option of burying them at home in their backyard. The family is told to place a heavy piece of concrete or big rocks on top of the grave so animals won't dig up the dirt, etc.

I was very surprised to hear this as was my buddy. I thought there were rules about burial vaults for coffins to fit into. I know that in low lying areas where major floods have occurred that old coffins not in vaults have come to the surface and floated away. I even thought about well water and the water table with contamination of certain body fluids.

If anyone knows more about this I'd love to hear what you know. Do you have a relative who is buried on your property or do you know people who have done this? I suppose it's true and completely safe if the Alabama State Government agrees. After all, each state can make it's own rules on many issues. It's just the first I've heard of it and it's all very new to me... I'm just trying to wrap my brain around it.

Again, I'm asking this question in all seriousness and in no way intend to ruffle any feathers.

Warmly,

Tiki

[suzanne4, RN]

Michigan requires the cement vaults that the caskets have to be put into, even for Jewish funerals.

[GeorgiaGirl]

I lost my parents recently and both were buried in Alabama. Neither was embalmed due to their personal choice. The funeral director acted like I was committing a crime when I requested they not be embalmed. I'm sure it was due to the fact his astronomical fees were being cut into. In my opinion, funeral directors are the lowest creatures on earth. :angryfire They're nothing more than wolves in sheeps clothing, and exploit you in your greatest grief. For more information on your rights, check out the following web site:

http://www.funerals.org/

[Regina66]

I live in Northeast Alabama and our law says you can bury someone on your property if it is deeded as a cemetary. That stops someone from coming in and building or digging around the graves...

[elkpark]

The funeral director acted like I was committing a crime when I requested they not be embalmed. I'm sure it was due to the fact his astronomical fees were being cut into. In my opinion, funeral directors are the lowest creatures on earth. They're nothing more than wolves in sheeps clothing, and exploit you in your greatest grief.

Up until last year, I would have automatically agreed with you (not that I had had any personal experience, but based on what I had heard over the years). However, last year my long-time partner died and I needed to make arrangements for his cremation. I picked a crematory solely on the basis of calling around and asking for prices on cremation, and went with the outfit that quoted me the cheapest price (which was not just common sense on my part, but what my partner would want -- actually, what he would have really wanted would be for me to just toss his body in the river out back and walk away, but I drew the line at that ...). The crematory/funeral service I went to was a family business, and, long story short, they could not have been more gracious and helpful and respectful to me. No pressure to spend any extra money, and no suggestion that there was anything wrong or cheesy about my wanting to be as frugal as possible. They also did a very nice memorial open house at the holidays for all the families they had served during the year, which I certainly wasn't expecting, and had hand-painted a Xmas tree ornament with the name of each deceased person for each family to take home as a little remembrance/gift. V. low-key, but v. thoughtful (they do the holiday open house every year).

So, they're not all creeps ... This family is probably more the exception than the rule, though -- I could tell that just from the 'phone calls I made asking for prices for cremation.

[Katnip, RN]

No, they aren't all creeps. When our son died last October the funeral director and the cemetery people were wonderful. No pressure to buy a more expensive casket. They even advised us to buy a guest book at a gift shop rather than spend the $250 ones the funeral home sold. They also made us wait several months before choosing a headstone so we could make a slightly more rational decision.

We were given the choice of whether to embalm or not. If we had not embalmed the state requires that the casket stay closed.

I may be wrong, but I also think the Jewish religion forbids embalming and only allows simple wooden caskets.