Bullying nurses....

[LPN1974, LPN]

I know this has been talked about so many times on here, but this has recently happened where I work. {Or I have just now become aware of it.}

I work the evening shift. At my facility we have a staff of 13 LPNs, 1 being male and a total of 3 RNs.

One of the dayshift LPNs, who actually started out on evenings, then went to days, has decided to come back to evenings, as we have just had an position come open. She's doing this to get away from the bullies on the dayshift. The one male LPN and another female LPN are the bullies.

The one coming back to evenings told me just the other day that the female bully had threatened to slap her!

These 2 bullies gripe, complain, b***h about everything and everybody.

The one coming back to evenings, said that I also catch it just about everyday. If anything comes up wrong they say it is my fault. I did not know they were talking about me like that. I have not had any complaints from my DON.

I figure if I'd done anything wrong she would be talking to me about it, so I can't figure out where they are getting it that if something is wrong it is my fault. I can't think of anything that I have done wrong or anything that's been messed up that could be attributed to me. I do my work, give my med rounds as I'm supposed to, try to pitch in and help do the extra things that need doing.

I am debating on whether to talk to the DON about it or my immediate supervisor on evenings.

I notice that in any staff meeting we have the DON is always giving a general reprimand to everyone, about something, but apparently she's not talking to the individuals who cause the trouble. She does it in the meetings so she doesn't have to single anyone out. And I never could, until now, figure out what all that was about.

For instance in one of the last meetings we had, she made this statement, "If you didn't SEE someone do it, then don't come to me with it. I don't want to hear it."

Do you think I should say anything or just let it go?

Of course, it is just hearsay to me, as I didn't hear anyone personally complaining about me, but isn't that what complainers do....they do it behind someone else's back?

I don't think the nurse, who is coming back to evenings, would have any reason to lie.

Why do some nurses feel they can bully other nurses??? In this case there are 2 of them, it's like they are a team. They feed off of each other.

Sorry for the long post.

[TazziRN, RN]

As long as your DON isn't coming to you, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure that everyone else knows these two are bullies and are not believing what is said. We have a tech like that who works with another RN. Everything that goes wrong is my tech's fault, according to the other tech. The boss knows about it so she doesn't say anything to my tech without checking it out first.

[carolinapooh, BSN, RN]

Threatening to slap someone is assault. (Battery is when they actually hit you.)

She's watching them. I would just watch my own back. I've always said that if someone's life is so boring and so stress-free and so SAD that they have to make up stuff about me...well, then, I'm not the one with the problem - until people start to believe stuff that isn't true, and if your DON is doing what she's doing, she KNOWS what's up.

But threatening to slap someone is assault!

[LPN1974, LPN]

Threatening to slap someone is assault. (Battery is when they actually hit you.)

She's watching them. I would just watch my own back. I've always said that if someone's life is so boring and so stress-free and so SAD that they have to make up stuff about me...well, then, I'm not the one with the problem - until people start to believe stuff that isn't true, and if your DON is doing what she's doing, she KNOWS what's up.

But threatening to slap someone is assault!

Yes, it sure is. I told the nurse who was threatened, she should have filed charges, and she agreed, but of course she did not. I'm sure she didn't want to cause more friction within the department.

She also said that when the threat was made it was just she and the two bullies in the room at the time, and of course, who would they believe?

If you don't have a witness to stand up for you and validate what you're saying, you don't have a leg to stand on.

I know....because it happened to me once, at this same job. I felt I was being sexually harrassed and I filed a grievance, but it was found "unvalidated" because the one person in the room at the time could not validate my complaint because she has a hearing problem. The two others were male, one of whom is also in this other nurse's complaint, but those two stuck together. I had no one to validate my side. Therefore my complaint was

"unvalidated".

HOWever.......you know what?? I haven't had anymore trouble or lewd remarks out of the person who was doing that to me in the first place. I think he learned his lesson.......making lewd jokes to other co-workers, expecially of the opposite gender is unprofessional and inappropriate in the workplace.

[carolinapooh, BSN, RN]

Yes, it sure is. I told the nurse who was threatened, she should have filed charges, and she agreed, but of course she did not. I'm sure she didn't want to cause more friction within the department.

She also said that when the threat was made it was just she and the two bullies in the room at the time, and of course, who would they believe?

If you don't have a witness to stand up for you and validate what you're saying, you don't have a leg to stand on.

I know....because it happened to me once, at this same job. I felt I was being sexually harrassed and I filed a grievance, but it was found "unvalidated" because the one person in the room at the time could not validate my complaint because she has a hearing problem. The two others were male, one of whom is also in this other nurse's complaint, but those two stuck together. I had no one to validate my side. Therefore my complaint was

"unvalidated".

HOWever.......you know what?? I haven't had anymore trouble or lewd remarks out of the person who was doing that to me in the first place. I think he learned his lesson.......making lewd jokes to other co-workers, expecially of the opposite gender is unprofessional and inappropriate in the workplace.

If that was the situation - you're right about no witness in her case. Which really sucks.

And you're right about the person in your situation - I'd bet now you have him running scared!

In most cases, eventually the moron will tell on him/herself.

[nurse_clown]

at the ltc facility i work at, we have a similar problem. although no one has threatened to hit their coworkers, there are those that choose to bully the new ppl. we've recently hired a new rpn and she took the day shift posting for someone who went off on mat leave. i'm a night shift rn and in the morning the new rpn comes in almost crying because she gets picked on by the other rpn's. i guess they had a bet going on who could force her out first. i thought that was mean and very uncool. i guess they did the same to me but i didn't even notice. i was bullied by another rn who kept threatening to report me. she also became aggressive with me when i reminded her to obtain a wound swab. she yelled at me for twenty minutes and banged her fist on the desk. i was stunned. i took some time to think about it. then i heard she was braggin to others that she "ripped me a new one.... went up one side of me and down the other...." i thought that was very very weird. i thought it was inappropriate to even blab all of this to the psw's whom we supervise. so i talked to the union rep and she told me to sit down with her and explain that this behaviour was inappropriate and needs to stop now or i will take further action. the union rep offered to be present with me when i did it because by nature, i'm a chicken.

so, that's what i did. but i also added and said to the bully that i really looked up to her at the beginning and was shocked by her behaviour. i don't know why she was acting the way she was but i knew that it was so uncomfortable coming into work and get picked on all the time. she would often reduce me to tears. but it all worked out. i didn't have to take it further. she was very upset but i think the professional approach is always a good one. it's easy to be emotional and want to protect your feelings and that can backfire.

i don't know if you have a union or not. i left a message with my don and informed her of the situation and that i was going to handle it myself first and how i was going to do it. i also stated that if it didn't work out, i was expecting her to support me as i recognized this as "workplace harrassment."

also, i had to work really hard in getting a "tough skin" because i know i'm a good nurse and i try hard. as a night shift nurse who has to work rather independantly, i've had to make some "executive decisions" and i wont allow anyone to question the decisions i've made because i've already made them! if my don has a problem with that, she can question me and i'll consider it. i've read many of yer posts and i hope that you are also confident in your abilities. i don't know you as a person but you seem like a reasonable hard working nurse.

as for that one in particular who threatened to "slap" your friend there. that's a pretty serious thing to do. if that were me, i'd call the police because she utterd a threat to cause harm. that's no gooda!!! i've heard of places that don't have control of their employees but someone has to grab the bull by the horns and set everyone straight.

i do feel for you. you don't need this. no one does.

[LPN1974, LPN]

at the ltc facility i work at, we have a similar problem. although no one has threatened to hit their coworkers, there are those that choose to bully the new ppl. we've recently hired a new rpn and she took the day shift posting for someone who went off on mat leave. i'm a night shift rn and in the morning the new rpn comes in almost crying because she gets picked on by the other rpn's. i guess they had a bet going on who could force her out first. i thought that was mean and very uncool. i guess they did the same to me but i didn't even notice. i was bullied by another rn who kept threatening to report me. she also became aggressive with me when i reminded her to obtain a wound swab. she yelled at me for twenty minutes and banged her fist on the desk. i was stunned. i took some time to think about it. then i heard she was braggin to others that she "ripped me a new one.... went up one side of me and down the other...." i thought that was very very weird. i thought it was inappropriate to even blab all of this to the psw's whom we supervise. so i talked to the union rep and she told me to sit down with her and explain that this behaviour was inappropriate and needs to stop now or i will take further action. the union rep offered to be present with me when i did it because by nature, i'm a chicken.

so, that's what i did. but i also added and said to the bully that i really looked up to her at the beginning and was shocked by her behaviour. i don't know why she was acting the way she was but i knew that it was so uncomfortable coming into work and get picked on all the time. she would often reduce me to tears. but it all worked out. i didn't have to take it further. she was very upset but i think the professional approach is always a good one. it's easy to be emotional and want to protect your feelings and that can backfire.

i don't know if you have a union or not. i left a message with my don and informed her of the situation and that i was going to handle it myself first and how i was going to do it. i also stated that if it didn't work out, i was expecting her to support me as i recognized this as "workplace harrassment."

also, i had to work really hard in getting a "tough skin" because i know i'm a good nurse and i try hard. as a night shift nurse who has to work rather independantly, i've had to make some "executive decisions" and i wont allow anyone to question the decisions i've made because i've already made them! if my don has a problem with that, she can question me and i'll consider it. i've read many of yer posts and i hope that you are also confident in your abilities. i don't know you as a person but you seem like a reasonable hard working nurse.

as for that one in particular who threatened to "slap" your friend there. that's a pretty serious thing to do. if that were me, i'd call the police because she utterd a threat to cause harm. that's no gooda!!! i've heard of places that don't have control of their employees but someone has to grab the bull by the horns and set everyone straight.

i do feel for you. you don't need this. no one does.

thank you, and all of you for your kind posts.

i haven't decided yet exactly what, if anything, that i'm going to do.

we don't have a union on this job, but it is a state job, and as far as harrassement, and doing things that don't follow policy they are very strict.

but the thing is i don't have any proof.

it has come to me second hand, but i know it's true. i just know in my heart it is. one of the bullies has been a bully for years, but now that she has this other one to feed from they really get going on the rest of us.

i'm not sure how the don would react to it if i were to tell her.

i might talk to my immediate supervisor on the pm shift and see what she has to say about it. she's young, and just now in a supervisory position, she's 27 or 28 y/o. but she's a very intelligent young lady, and she is an rn and she is my supervisor, so i should be able to go to her with any problem.

but then again, there's not really anything she can do either because we don't have proof. the only thing is that if a problem/conflict does come out of this situation i would have already forewarned her.

[sanctuary, BSN, MSN, RN]

If you are not in a union, perhaps there is a State Employees Association that serves the same purpose. And I don't think that you need witnesses, or corroboration. You are reporting what Ms. X said, and you believe her. That is enough for most places to inquire about the possibility of it happening. And government agencies tend to be self protecting, so they do not want to be in a position that would allow you to sue them if you inform your supervisor, and your charge nurse, and nothing was done. Best to you.

[krob0729]

Why don't you simply go to the DON and ask her how you are doing on your job? if she sees any room for improvement? That'll answer any questions of 'does she believe any of this'. That's wht I did when that happend to me when I first started out. She told me that I was doing an excellent job and thanks for being open to constructive criticism..which she had none.. It's cut and dry and to the point... good luck

[Meerkat]

This is an echo of what I have seen where I work. One big bully, and Admin tucks their tail between their legs and does nothing. I can't figure it out. I have heard this nurse on two occasions threaten to 'wring the neck' of two other team members. She has had me in tears more than once. We have all had the nice little sit down meeting to 'clear the air' and admin did nothing but move some people's schedules around so they didn't work together. It's so frustrating. Good luck

[nurse_clown]

why don't you simply go to the don and ask her how you are doing on your job? if she sees any room for improvement? that'll answer any questions of 'does she believe any of this'. that's wht i did when that happend to me when i first started out. she told me that i was doing an excellent job and thanks for being open to constructive criticism..which she had none.. it's cut and dry and to the point... good luck

that's a great idea. i aksed my don to do my evaluation. it took me three months but i finally got it. i keep it with me and i look at it and brag about it to my hubby whenever i see it kicking around (most ppl file theirs don't they?). sometimes, it's reassuring to get official feedback from the supervisors.

[clee1]

The only way to handle a bully is directly: how you decide to handle it tactically is up to your own personality.

Personally, had I been threatened physically by a coworker, I'd not have called the police. I'd have told him/her "If you're feeling froggy, then leap. But know this: when you do, I'm gonna whup your @zz." To the general backstabbing, etc., catch that person out at lunch, or on break. Be direct! Say "I hear you have been talking about me behind my back. Next time I hear of it, I'm going to sue you for slander (or am going to get a restraining order, or am going to file a complaint with whoever, etc.)"

I've NEVER met a bully that didn't decide to back down when the result was more costly than it was worth. After all, it's no fun to pick on people that fight back.