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nadomel nadomel (New Member) New Member

Bullying by Nurses and CNa

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You are reading page 2 of Bullying by Nurses and CNa. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

Been there many times. Reason #1 I got my masters degree so I wouldn't have to work in RN positions where I have to depend on others to provide proper patient care. In my experience, it doesn't matter how nice you are or how much you go out of your way to help (which many times I was taken advantage of for doing and got smart really quick), they will always give some dumb reason for not doing a delegated task.

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nadomel,

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. If there is no leadership to change this culture, you should leave.

This darn well IS bullying.

Just because someone is an introvert and doesn't immediately start tripping over herself to join this pack of uncivilized wolves does not mean that these rogue individuals may do some of the things she has reported experiencing - - not the LEAST of which is outright purposely DEFYING her instruction for the patient not to have ice cream. These people are willing to do crap to patients for no other reason than to defy her!!! Because she is a quiet individual who seems "preoccupied" with concentrating on making sure that she, as a new nurse, is providing good NURSING care, and therefore didn't naturally seek to spend the majority of her "brain" energy by absolutely throwing herself fawningly at her new colleagues in a desperate attempt to gain their acceptance (which is what they WANT AND REQUIRE), she is being criticized!!!

Sorry, I felt a little bad reading the OP, but after seeing the responses I'm flabbergasted.

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Think about it. Say there is a new nurse who doesn't really help others, doesn't engage much...kind of a loner. The natural response to that is that others kind of just "let them be" and also don't go out of their way to help said person, don't try to engage her too much, and go on about what their routine. They may let said person carry her own workload if that's the way she wants it.

What these pack of w/itches are doing is PUNISHING HER for not appropriately seeking to join their clique. They are trying to humiliate her and make her very freaking sorry that she did not kiss their hineys.

They are involving patients in their evil shenanigans.

There is ZERO excuse.

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nadomel,

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. If there is no leadership to change this culture, you should leave.

This darn well IS bullying.

Just because someone is an introvert and doesn't immediately start tripping over herself to join this pack of uncivilized wolves does not mean that these rogue individuals may do some of the things she has reported experiencing - - not the LEAST of which is outright purposely DEFYING her instruction for the patient not to have ice cream. These people are willing to do crap to patients for no other reason than to defy her!!! Because she is a quiet individual who seems "preoccupied" with concentrating on making sure that she, as a new nurse, is providing good NURSING care, and therefore didn't naturally seek to spend the majority of her "brain" energy by absolutely throwing herself fawningly at her new colleagues in a desperate attempt to gain their acceptance (which is what they WANT AND REQUIRE), she is being criticized!!!

Sorry, I felt a little bad reading the OP, but after seeing the responses I'm flabbergasted.

Why are you so shocked reading the responses? If a whole shift if saying the same thing, if she is purposefully changing her schedule & not interacting with the people on her shift the problem is the OP. How can so many people have an issue with 1 person? You're saying all these people are bullying her?

Remember, there are 3 sides to every story: the OP's side, her coworker's side & the truth.

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You're saying all these people are bullying her?

Isn't that pretty much how a clique operates, by definition?

That this is a clique is my assessment of the situation, I described my assessment of it very clearly.

Your argument breaks down at the point they involve patients in this. Period.

ETA: OrganizedChaos, I have indeed seen the situation you're describing. The difference is, in those cases, the "normal group" goes on about their duties of providing excellent patient care, and comporting themselves in a professional manner, even if their interactions with "problematic newbie" are somewhat strained.

That's NOT what is happening here. See what I mean?

Edited by JKL33

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Think about it. Say there is a new nurse who doesn't really help others, doesn't engage much...kind of a loner. The natural response to that is that others kind of just "let them be" and also don't go out of their way to help said person, don't try to engage her too much, and go on about what their routine. They may let said person carry her own workload if that's the way she wants it.

What these pack of w/itches are doing is PUNISHING HER for not appropriately seeking to join their clique. They are trying to humiliate her and make her very freaking sorry that she did not kiss their hineys.

They are involving patients in their evil shenanigans.

There is ZERO excuse.

If she isn't helping others, why should her coworkers help her? If she isn't making small talk with her coworkers or involving herself with her coworkers she is alienating herself with them. They are not bullying her.

She is a new grad, yes but it doesn't take much to just make small talk. Why doesn't she help out her coworkers? There's no excuse for that! Going as far as changing her schedule to avoid her coworkers, c'mon now!

You pretty much explained why she isn't doing well in your first sentence. As nurses we need to help each other out. You scratch my back, I scratch yours kinda thing. If I help someone but they won't help me, I definitely wouldn't help them again!

If a new nurse doesn't want to try to mingle with the experienced nurses, that sends up red flags to me. I'm not saying she has to gossip with them but for the OP to go out of her way to avoid her coworkers says a lot. She could've learned a lot from her experienced coworkers if she gave them a chance, which she never did.

Why didn't she ever just create small talk with them? She didn't have to kiss their asses, but she should've just gotten along with them like a "normal" person.

If there is most of a shift saying something is wrong with her, the problem is *her*. If it smells like a pig, walks like a pig & oinks like a pig... it's a pig.

Don't forget, there are 3 sides to a story: the OP's side, her coworker's side & the truth.

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Hi OrganizedChaos,

I made an addendum to my post while you were typing I think. I'll repost it:

ETA: OrganizedChaos, I have indeed seen the situation you're describing. The difference is, in those cases, the "normal group" goes on about their duties of providing excellent patient care, and comporting themselves in a professional manner, even if their interactions with "problematic newbie" are somewhat strained.

That's NOT what is happening here. See what I mean?

Why didn't she try to engage more with them, if she's not the problem? Well, by her own description she is

1) an introvert

2) internally concentrating on/preoccupied with concerns about being a new nurse.

Seems pretty simple to me. I have seen the type quite a bit. You have to ask them for some assistance now and then because they start out a little preoccupied with concerns about their own performance; they look unhelpful but what they're doing is mentally reviewing their duties, their patients' information, etc. Theses types are pretty common. They're more than willing to lend a hand...they just don't think of it first, due to their "internally-focused" processing.

These VERY UN-INSIGHTFUL "persons" who seem to have an extremely poor-self esteem, did not consider the above possibility before they decided to render their punishment.

THEY are on the wrong side of this exactly the moment when they involved ONE SINGLE PATIENT in any of their little punishment routine.

THAT's where I am getting the clue that they are indeed a vindictive, insufferable pack of self-loathing children. Wolves. W/itches. Whatever.

Emotionally well-adjusted people/caregivers/nurses do not EVER deal with this type of situation by involving patients. So they are wrong.

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OP,

I feel for you.

I have seen this so many times. It is a real problem with a complicated history and it has many causes.

If you want pm me and we can talk about them, but for now I will just give you some advice moving forward.

First off, be strong. Do not address the petty behavior that is only aimed at hurting your feelings. By this I mean stuff like whispering in the hall, etc.

That stuff will disappear when you start taking action on other things.

If you give a cna direction and she refuses to do it, report that behavior to the nurse manager or whomever is appropriate. Do so calmly, use email or a written form if one is available. Be completely objective and lacking in emotion. Quote the cna. Just like you were documenting in the patient record. For example:

I stated to cna "please give the patient juice." Cna replied in front of patient " you could do it too" then walked out of room. 5 minutes later I observed cna in hallway talking to other cnas. Patient did not have juice.

Get it set in your mind that your goal is not to earn friendship but respect.

If you get an unsupportive response from your nurse manager or you are blamed for the cnas behavior, it is time to start looking for another job. You could escalate to the next level, and I recommend that you do, but I think if you have to do that it is not a good sign.

Feel free to pm me if you want.

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Hi OrganizedChaos,

I made an addendum to my post while you were typing I think. I'll repost it:

Why didn't she try to engage more with them, if she's not the problem? Well, by her own description she is

1) an introvert

2) internally concentrating on/preoccupied with concerns about being a new nurse.

Seems pretty simple to me. I have seen the type quite a bit. You have to ask them for some assistance now and then because they start out a little preoccupied with concerns about their own performance; they look unhelpful but what they're doing is mentally reviewing their duties, their patients' information, etc. Theses types are pretty common. They're more than willing to lend a hand...they just don't think of it first, due to their "internally-focused" processing.

These VERY UN-INSIGHTFUL "persons" who seem to have an extremely poor-self esteem, did not consider the above possibility before they decided to render their punishment.

THEY are on the wrong side of this exactly the moment when they involved ONE SINGLE PATIENT in any of their little punishment routine.

THAT's where I am getting the clue that they are indeed a vindictive, insufferable pack of self-loathing children. Wolves. W/itches. Whatever.

Emotionally well-adjusted people/caregivers/nurses do not EVER deal with this type of situation by involving patients. So they are wrong.

So by being an introvert she gets a free pass? I don't think so.

I have been new before & I'm not exactly an extrovert but I force myself to talk to my coworkers because they are exactly that, my coworker! She is not making *any* effort to get along with her coworkers & is only alienating herself by not talking to them, changing her schedule & not helping them. I don't see how this is ok behavior in the least.

I don't see this as being a one sided issue. She clearly has some blame to take. If she goes to another work place the same way (not interacting, changing her schedule & not helping her coworkers) then her coworkers will start to resent her all over again.

Edited by OrganizedChaos

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OP,

I feel for you.

I have seen this so many times. It is a real problem with a complicated history and it has many causes.

If you want pm me and we can talk about them, but for now I will just give you some advice moving forward.

First off, be strong. Do not address the petty behavior that is only aimed at hurting your feelings. By this I mean stuff like whispering in the hall, etc.

That stuff will disappear when you start taking action on other things.

If you give a cna direction and she refuses to do it, report that behavior to the nurse manager or whomever is appropriate. Do so calmly, use email or a written form if one is available. Be completely objective and lacking in emotion. Quote the cna. Just like you were documenting in the patient record. For example:

I stated to cna "please give the patient juice." Cna replied in front of patient " you could do it too" then walked out of room. 5 minutes later I observed cna in hallway talking to other cnas. Patient did not have juice.

Get it set in your mind that your goal is not to earn friendship but respect.

If you get an unsupportive response from your nurse manager or you are blamed for the cnas behavior, it is time to start looking for another job. You could escalate to the next level, and I recommend that you do, but I think if you have to do that it is not a good sign.

Feel free to pm me if you want.

I think the CNA was wrong in that instance but the OP needs to grow a thicker skin & a backbone. Because even if she gets a new job, there will be CNAs like that one & they will run right over the OP.

The OP also needs to learn how to play as part of a team. That means helping her coworkers & even creating meaningless banter. She did herself no favors by not helping her coworkers, changing her shifts & never interacting with her coworkers.

It's always hard being new, it's doublely hard as a new grad. But to alienate herself like that was a bad idea. If she gets a new job & does the same thing, she won't win anyone over that way.

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I am not there to get a good gauge of the situation. The places I work at, nurses who get admits get help because it is extra work. I am quiet too because I like my own company and thoughts but I try to smile a lot to people and say hi or hello, I don't hang out. It is important that you try and be friendly and cordial to your peers, this is important with your survival as a nurse. You can also suggest to your charge nurse to create a buddy system, so that buddy has a responsibility to help you.

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So by being an introvert she gets a free pass? I don't think so.

I have been new before & I'm not exactly an extrovert but I force myself to talk to my coworkers because they are exactly that, my coworker! She is not making *any* effort to get along with her coworkers & is only alienating herself by not talking to them, changing her schedule & not helping them. I don't see how this is ok behavior in the least.

I agree; if one has managed to truly send a message that s/he is not a team-player (whether inadvertently or not) they then must be part of the solution. It's possible she has indeed alienated herself.

I just know that there are plenty of times where someone (for whatever reason) doesn't quite fit the culture of an established unit, but neither I nor my colleagues behave in the manner described in the OP. I wouldn't waste two seconds standing around whispering about someone where they could see me (or behind their back!). There's no reason for it unless the whisperer has ill intentions. Holy cow, 6th Grade Mean Girl Clique! Those types of actions are incredibly immature and are meant to humiliate her. And I sure as heck would not discuss this matter with patients, nor would I EVER wait to pounce on a situation where I could involve a patient as in the ice cream issue. I hear where you're coming from, but I bet you wouldn't do those things either. Me, personally - I would've just engaged the OP by asking for a hand with this or that and making a little conversation. But yes, that type of relationship-building is incumbent upon both parties, not just the ones who are naturally out-going.

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