Bullies

[hockeyluv71]

I am being bullied at work and I just don't know what to do. It's to the point it's affecting my health. A coworker (our board runner) befriended me, for me to find out she just wanted to find my weaknesses, and she's managed to turn everyone in my area against me. She does our assignments so everyone's deserted me for fear of her. I get talked about and ignored. No one helps me admit patients and leaves me alone in procedure rooms with patients.

I'm a very experienced, compassionate, good nurse. I am very well liked by the doctors and at one time by all the staff. She is very abrasive and rude to other depts and to pts and families. She told me she was going thru so much when she was pretending to be my friend. I started to trust her and confided in her (big mistake) I even got her started running. I used to be an avid runner till I started getting sick all the time

She told me I am too nice and forgive everyone. That really hurt me. So I told her that's just the way I was raised. After that she had taken some days off and I had to run the board. I got many compliments. Well when she returned she stopped speaking to me. Would just be rude to me. Give me bad assignments. I got sick and while I was out I guess she managed to bad mouth me. Over a period of time she's managed to spread ill rumours and turn everyone against me. I get sick often now. All with doctors notes. True illnesses. I feel sick before I go to work and I worry. I just get the silent treatment. It's so hard cause I had no friends outside of work. Now no one calls or talks to me, during or after work. If people are at the desk socializing with her and i try to join she sends me to do a crappy assignment .Feeling very sad, isolated and alone. I cry a lot. Especially with the holidays being here.

The docs even notice the change The docs noticed that I just keep to myself and look very sad

I can't sleep at night

I just have no idea what I've done wrong. I work hard when I am there. I stay late. I still help others despite being shunned and ignored.

I over heard people in a room talking very ugly about me. Making fun. It just really hurts. Makes it hard to go to work anymore. It's ruined my confidence and my health is suffering

[hockeyluv71]

Very depressed....

[sugarwahine10]

You need to remember you are not to measure your worth as a person because of what another person(s) thinks of you. Especially a miserable, bitter, two-faced, "obviously has a lot of her own issues" person. You need to go to your manager and/or director of your unit and let them know what is going on and what can be done to resolve the situation. A co-worker like that is very unprofessional and bad-mouthing you like that is something that should be tolerated. It sounds like that bitter, small-minded co-worker has created a stressful and almost hostile environment for you. If after talking to the manager and/or director, you don't feel they have resolved the situation then follow the chain of command & go to your director's boss & so on, until you get some resolution. Keep records of dates you talked to each one & what was done regarding the problem or if nothing was done. Also, write stuff down of certain examples of things this co-worker(s) has done to you. Bullying is unacceptable anywhere & if push comes to shove and you aren't getting any resolution, I would get a lawyer.

[sugarwahine10]

This will make you stronger as a person. DO NOT let this co-worker get you down, I understand it is a very depressing situation, but people like her feed off of making other people miserable. Don't let her "win". You are so much more than JUST your job. If you don't have friends outside of work, then join a church, book club, or some sort of social organization. Can you start looking for another department to work in? Or you can do what I said in my other post. Don't let this co-worker see at work that you are upset, as that will probably make her life complete. Just go to work, do your job, be cordial to your co-workers & talk to them only when needed regarding work, and smile. If you act to her face like what this co-worker is doing is no big deal and it just rolls off you, then that will "ruin her day" rather than filling her with glee at seeing you being affected by what she is doing to you. But you still need to report this, no one needs a negative, bad seed like this co-worker you have in any sort of work environment.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Please see a doctor about your depression. See a counselor as well. You need to figure out how to fill your life outside of work.

Some people prey on others due to their own issues. Which should not be your issue. You are a good nurse, a compassionate nurse, so all the rest of it is just fluff. If you are good at running the board and people complimented you on it, then perhaps now is the time to go to the NM and say that you enjoyed your time doing this, you were complimented on it, and what do you need to do to have a more leadership role in the unit, speak to her about your goal. Even if that means switching shifts, and do what she says. You are not responsible for the actions of others, but your reaction to it. So forge your own way, rethink your priorities and what you enjoy doing, and respond to same. Lastly, do you have family? Now is a good time to re-connect and talk through all this with them. Family support is important. Find out what you enjoy, and join some volunteer groups in your area. A book club. Something that is fun, light, and you could make some friends outside of work. But please see your doctor to begin to be treated for depression. And a counselor.

[SionainnRN]

Do you know for a fact that she has bad mouthed you? What exactly did she say? If you go to your manager with this I don't think you have much of a case, you're saying she doesn't talk to you and gives you a "bad" assignment. Do you see how petty and childish that sounds? Not everyone at work is going to be your friend, they don't have to talk to you, and maybe all assignments are "bad". Your best bet is to ignore this person, be friendly and polite to everyone and focus on your work. If there is down time instead of trying to befriend people, take the time to look through the patients charts to get a better understanding of their medical history. You don't say what floor you work on, but I know when I was on med/surg I would have killed for time to know more about my pts history.

The fact that one person doesn't like you is effecting you so much, sending you into such a tail spin that the doctors are noticing, is very sad and worrysome. You need to talk to someone because while it may hurt that a work friend bailed on you, it shouldn't effect you so much your work is suffering. And if the md's notice, then your work IS suffering. Good luck.

[Newgraduatenurse2012]

I am sorry. I think you are very weak. You need to stand up for yourself. Be assertive, but not aggressive. Thats a good start. I am sorry SionainnRN, ignoring the problem is not going to fix it. you should know better, you are a NURSE! Good Luck Honey.

[SionainnRN]

I am sorry. I think you are very weak. You need to stand up for yourself. Be assertive, but not aggressive. Thats a good start. I am sorry SionainnRN, ignoring the problem is not going to fix it. you should know better, you are a NURSE! Good Luck Honey.

Be assertive about what?? The "bully" hasn't actually done anything. It's all conjecture. It's not about ignoring the problem but focusing on your job, you know the reason why she's there, and not worrying about someone not liking her. And what does me being a nurse have anything to do with it? Just cause I'm a nurse doesn't mean anything other than you know what my job is.

So according to you this person, who is up nights crying and losing sleep over this, should assertively...what? Be friends with this person? This is ridiculous.

[RNtobeinSoCal]

GO TO HUMAN RESOURCES! I hate, hate, hate to be that person, but this is ridiculous. If you're already this miserable and this person is creating a negative work atmosphere for you, this is your only hope. Document EVERYTHING- and make sure it can be backed up or proven. Go to HR, tell them what's going on, and ask for their help.

[porkey2]

All of the above have good suggestions; I would definately take this to the powers that be, as this person sounds like she is slandering your good name/repitition and it could hurt you in the long run. Misery loves company, so if you try to move to another department or even hospital for that matter, this could follow you. Hearsay can be extremely dangerous, rather true or not. If nothing is done, I like the idea of an attorney, protect yourself or at least talk to an attorney if it comes to that. Continue to do your job, sounds like your doing it well, ignore that person; SHES IGNORANT, don't give her the satisfaction of her knowing that she's getting to you, all the while, documenting everything that shes doing; in the end, people will see her for who/what she really is. Keep up the good work, pray if you have to, to get you through the day, but don't give her anymore ammunition! Take care honey and keep us posted. Oh do you have family in town, maybe you can be with them.

Also, you really should be careful what you tell people from this day forward, its ashame that its hard to trust people nowadays but until you absolutely know for a fact you can trust someone, refrain from telling your personal business, especially at work. People thrive on knowing other people business! I always say, I go to work to do a job not to make friends, but if I do meet a friend, its a blessing.

[SionainnRN]

Okay, a couple people are saying to go to HR, but the "mean" nurse hasn't done anything. At least nothing that the OP can expand upon. All's she said is that she isn't be friendly, being mean, supposedly "bad mouthed" her. All of this is pure hearsay, and 90% of what I've seen is not bullying. If she is spreading rumors, that's one thing, but complaining to HR that no one is being your friend...to me that comes off like a needy nonprofessional nurse. You are not at work to make friends. That's why my suggestion was to focus on WORK and not on making friends, and ignor all the cattyness. I think you would get laughed out of HR for this. Just my opinion.

[anayo, DNP, APRN, NP]

Ignore the situation and do your job. Find friends outside the workplace not in the workplace. If u have friends outside, self esteem is high, and having no friends at work won't faze you. I'd only report her to the manager if she was putting you in dangerous practical situations. Remember when reporting follow the chain of command.