Build Confidence and Overcome the Past

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Specializes in Substance Abuse.

Hello all-

I’ve been a LPN in Ohio since 2011. I haven’t felt confident in my skills since I was a student. I was a single parent for many years when I entered nursing school. Needless to say, my family and I went through years of my multiple bad choices with men. Mind you, I was always doing my best to make things better for my children and never once did I have any legal problems. I accomplished an Associate Degree and a Diploma in another area to add to my resume. Finally, in 2011, I obtained my LPN license. “YES! Now I can move forward to get my RN!” I was so ready for a lucrative career that was support me and my children. What I was not ready for is the complete lack of confidence and self worth that I felt. 
 

When I didn’t feel myself getting more comfortable with my skills after 2 years, I turned back to what I knew. I began searching for nursing positions in mental health and substances abuse. I had been a case manager in those areas before. After some time, I landed a job in a medication assisted treatment agency as a care management nurse in 2016. All I ever wanted to do is help the underserved. I have always had a very special place in my heart for people with substance use disorders. I had finally found my niche. It seemed that I was very helpful to these clients. However, there was no real need to use many hands on skills. I only needed to do some occasional injections and education. I didn’t need much confidence. 
 

Things were going smoothly. I was feeling okay. My daughter had graduated high school and moved out. My son was 10.  I was a bit sad that neither of them had had a dad in their lives. Things had never been the way I had hoped for them. But, work was going well, and my clients loved me! Enter the narcissist! A client entered my case load that crossed every boundary. And, I was naïve enough to buy into every lie and story he told me. He had evidence that seemed to back it up. Before long, he had worked his way into my life, and I had allowed him to. Within a few months he became emotionally abusive to me. I had now lost my job. I was miserable. I was working in a nursing facility. He controlled everything I did. I tried profusely to make him leave my home. He refused and became violent. He told me if I ever involved the police, he would be sure I went to jail and he would not. I didn’t believe that that was even possible. However, I did involve the police. And, to my surprise, I was arrested! Twice! I honestly feel that I had a nervous breakdown. I had never had legal trouble and had no money. I had a public defender and no one to help. I spent 6 months in jail and treatment, while he remained in my house. My nursing license was suspended. I returned home to nearly nothing in my house. 
 

I started over. I slowly rebuilt my life. I got a job as an office manager in a dental office. By 2020, I finally was able to afford the assessment, fees, and fines to have my nursing license reinstated. I was a nurse again. My boss decided to retire during the first round of COVID. I also became reacquainted with a man that I knew from church in childhood. We were married in 2020. It’s not perfect, but I’m married to a good man. All of that negativity is behind me. I spent all of 2021 moving from job to job. I simply was trying to find the right fit. I have never gained any confidence as a nurse. 
 

In two weeks, I start a new job in a medication assisted treatment center. Since the job has been offered to me, I have been full of anxiety. I’m scared to death that I won’t be able to do the job. There will be training. But, I think more than I’m capable of will be expected of me. How can I overcome the feeling that I am completely inadequate? How can I put all of this behind me and be confident? 

Please only offer constructive feedback. I am aware of my shortcomings. I beat myself up on a daily basis. I am asking for feedback from people who have faced true diversity and come through it on the other side. This was not easy to post. I would appreciate the same transparency that I have given. 
 

 

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Bless you for the journey you've had building and rebuilding your life.

I would research the job you will be beginning and anything that will help you gain knowledge and resources to prepare you.  This will help you tremendously to feel prepared and ready to begin on day 1. Give yourself the grace to know you will be a novice at this position. I went from ER to a Perioperative Optimization Clinic. I knew nothing about pre-op or surgery.  I went from knowing every ER position and working in this setting for 14 years to being a novice in the pre-op area. It was tough. Take thorough notes while orienting and use a small notebook you can quickly reference and keep on you to refer to. 

Wishing you all the best!

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Specializes in Substance Abuse.

Carolyn

Thank you for your comment. I have enrolled in a phlebotomy class just to brush up on my blood draws. I’ve never really had a need to use that skill, but I will need to use it daily in this position. I even plan to get some feedback from a past supervisor and a client who is a huge success story that I was instrumental in helping. I’m hoping this will help to remind me that I’ve done this job before, and done most parts of it well. I simply was naïve. I was taken in by someone who took advantage of my kindness. As for my never feeling confident. I am hoping that by taking lots of notes and building daily, I’ll become more confident as I move along. But, I am still nervous. I truly appreciate your kindness. 
Thank You

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Wow, anxiousnurse, I admire and respect your honesty, candor, attitude, and perseverance! 

Having about 4 years of CD TX experience, I share your feelings toward the treatment of that population.

In reading 

On 1/9/2022 at 9:22 PM, Anxiousnurse56 said:

Since the job has been offered to me, I have been full of anxiety. I’m scared to death that I won’t be able to do the job.

a reading from ODAT came to mind, which said something along the lines of, "Your heart has been through times more troubled than these".

Take it to say that you have dealt with so very much on your life, that these feelings of anxiety will motivate you to successfully deal with your present situation and "This too shall pass".

Good luck and the very very best to you, anxiousnurse.

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On 1/15/2022 at 11:29 AM, Anxiousnurse56 said:

Carolyn

Thank you for your comment. I have enrolled in a phlebotomy class just to brush up on my blood draws. I’ve never really had a need to use that skill, but I will need to use it daily in this position. I even plan to get some feedback from a past supervisor and a client who is a huge success story that I was instrumental in helping. I’m hoping this will help to remind me that I’ve done this job before, and done most parts of it well. I simply was naïve. I was taken in by someone who took advantage of my kindness. As for my never feeling confident. I am hoping that by taking lots of notes and building daily, I’ll become more confident as I move along. But, I am still nervous. I truly appreciate your kindness. 
Thank You

That is such an excellent idea to do the phlebotomy and to reach out to others to help you by providing feedback. Start by KNOWING you WILL be successful. See and feel this happening and keep doing what you are to be and feel more prepared. I have all the faith that this will be a wonderful endeavor for you and have all the confidence you will succeed! ?

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Specializes in Substance Abuse.

Thank you so much for your support. I start orientation on Monday. My class starts on Wednesday. I will try to keep you posted. I appreciate your comments. 
 

Mary

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