I almost forgot why I left nursing in the first place. Now I really like my new coworkers. I get along with my team. YES! But I was brought to reality when a doc called me an idiot.
I call the urologist and ask for clarification on a procedure he is going to do , and the urologist says," ARe you an Idiot? What else am I going to do. I am a urologist."
Me-" Urology is not my specialty doctor and I need to know the exact procedure. So is it , Laparoscopic Cyst Ablation, cystoscopy, Lithotripsy, or something else?" (Thank god for Google, there are about a dozen others he could be doing.)
GRR. I am damn sure he would never have called our house doc an idiot. Our house doc didn't even know what procedure was going to be done. And I am supposed to know out of probably a dozen what a urologist does? No. And I am not an idiot for not knowing which one.
Sorry guys, I just had to vent. It's better than me taking it out on my bf who actually is a doctor too. I came home and told him "YOUR PEOPLE SUCK!"
He was upset because he said he would never call anyone an idiot, and to please refrain from using the term "You people."
So here I am , back at nursing. Remembering why I left in the first place. It just is so hard for me to let that stuff slide and not let it affect me. I also don't want to take it out on my boyfriend everytime I have issues with a doctor at work.
I am sorry that happened to you. Pretty much any nurse with experience has been there before. I know I have. What I have realized is that, while unfair, it's not always as it seems. (I have a reputation for being the calm, fair one-sorry ;-) I don't want to devalue your experience).
Sometimes when doctors act like this it is because they are mad at themselves and take it out on you. Unfair, but when that's the case they tend to follow up with a softer touch. Other times, they are so used to their own personal staff knowing what they want, when they want it, they don't realize they are being unclear. You did the right thing by reminding him you are not involved in his specialty.
In other cases-the one I experience most at work-some people just wear their hearts on their sleeve. Our regular nephrologist has frequent tantrums, although he never directs it at the nurse. We are just the unfortunate ones to absorb his venting. Many nurses take him very personally. I have learned to really appreciate this doctor, and know the routine. "Well, that wasn't ordered, doc, but tell me what you need and I'll take care of it for you.."-that turns him into an instant, apologetic softie.
But sometimes, rarely, they are just Neanderthals.
I find that younger and newer doctors can be much easier to deal with, as many of them rely on the observations and judgement of an experienced nurse. They tend to treat us as we are-a different specialty, not an inferior or subordinate. They are almost always willing to teach, or let you in on their thought processes, as well as hear yours. My guess is this is where your BF is, and he probably despises being compared to the more primitive variety. If he is a new doc, chances are the urologist would have been almost as nasty to him as he was to you.
Doctors who treat nurses poorly usually have that reputation with everyone. Chances are good that other doctors know this about him, don't like it, but are too professional to openly reprimand a colleague.
Keep your chin up! And keep a "for emergency, break glass" orificenal of come-backs locked away for when you need them the most.
I worked at a State Psychiatric hospital and remember a MD yelled at me 'why didnt' I have the patient's charts ready for him to write orders". I advised him that he is quite able to get them himself (they were on a rolling cabinet right next to him). He then picked up a chart and threw it at me and then cursed me out using the 'F' work. Management, for once, stood up for nursing and he was fired. Nasty doctors are everywhere.
Nah, the write-ups won't catch up to him until he annoys a physician.
We had a whiney cardiologist years ago who was an utter jerk to everyone he encountered including, interestingly enough, other physicians. We wrote him up and wrote him up, but since the hospital didn't pay his salary, there wasn't much they could do. He represented one of the two major practices in town, and they weren't going to pull his priveleges over complaints from mere nurses. Then there was the day he argued with a nephrologist, (the nasty one from a previous post) and fisticuffs ensued. They both went to jail. Nobody STAYED in jail, but they were both much better behaved afterward.
Ughhh....testosterone. Curious if women doctors are as demeaning.
Maybe this is unfair, or even an over generalization, but I think many providers are stressed to maximum capacity and nursing is an easy punching bag at times. We "bug" them; we "want things" (i.e., orders, clarification, et al.) so we by nature of our profession are in the line of fire.
Also some providers (like all professions) just aren't nice people. Not all - but doesn't it seem like you only ever have to call the mean spirited, impatient one's? Or maybe they are more memorable? I can remember plenty I've contacted via Tiger Text (a secure text messaging system) for something and they've been nice - or asked how I am, long time no hear - but then there are the one's no one wants to contact either, even with legitimate concerns.
Sorry that happened to you. You're in good company my friend - I think every nurse has been belittled at least once by a provider taking a pot-shot. Let me just take this opportunity to say to you: "Well done nurse!".
I do think stress is manifested as condescension in these cases...and displaced anger. It's too uncomfortable to blame oneself. Even so, the offending physician should be promptly put in his/her place. I will not be a punching bag for an ego that cannot take responsibility.
I worked for a dentist who got mad when patients did not get numb...and directed that anger at inanimate objects. Temper tantrum. I always saw that behavior as childish and undeserving of patient retention.
The only reason some folks get nasty when they're having a bad day is because people have usually tolerated it. As subservient nurses, we used to make good punching bags. Now, we know that we can stop this unprofessional behavior, with assertiveness, sarcasm and/or humor. Enough of this abuse!
years ago was working with a renal fellow from Italy. As a dialysis nurse I was suggesting how to run a hemodialysis treatment and his response was negative to the suggestion with the comment that he went to Doctor school. Three years later we almost gave him a nurses cap since he had changed his attitude.
Another doctor on a med-surg floor told me (no yelled at me over the phone) NEVER to wake him again for a patient who could not sleep. Hmmmm Karma is great. he was kept awake most of the night with other calls..
40+ years ago had a doctor write Transfer in am... no indication as to where. When he came in the next morning ranting as to why the patient had not been transferred (this was a very early visit on his part) I kindly asked where he would like this patient transferred to. he hemmed and hawed for a brief time and then wrote correct orders.
I could write more for more than 40 years but these three stick out most.
this is a little long, but please read (it's from Steven Covey):
""I remember a mini-Paradigm Shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly -- some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.
"The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
"It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"
"The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, 'Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either.'
"Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn't have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man's pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. "Your wife just died? Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?" Everything changed in an instant."
Who really knows what is going on with this doc. It's a bit of work, but I think it is worthwhile to learn to put one's ego in one's back pocket and just be nice to people.
Specializes in Crit Care; EOL; Pain/Symptom; Gero.
Ughhh....testosterone. Curious if women doctors are as demeaning.
Huh! Years ago, a female plastic surgeon who sometimes provided care for our trauma ICU patients would call us "good little nurses" - as in "Be a good little nurse and run and bring me a bottle of hydrogen peroxide".
Curious if women doctors are as demeaning.
Clarysage, BSN, RN
9 Posts
I am sorry that happened to you. Pretty much any nurse with experience has been there before. I know I have. What I have realized is that, while unfair, it's not always as it seems. (I have a reputation for being the calm, fair one-sorry ;-) I don't want to devalue your experience).
Sometimes when doctors act like this it is because they are mad at themselves and take it out on you. Unfair, but when that's the case they tend to follow up with a softer touch. Other times, they are so used to their own personal staff knowing what they want, when they want it, they don't realize they are being unclear. You did the right thing by reminding him you are not involved in his specialty.
In other cases-the one I experience most at work-some people just wear their hearts on their sleeve. Our regular nephrologist has frequent tantrums, although he never directs it at the nurse. We are just the unfortunate ones to absorb his venting. Many nurses take him very personally. I have learned to really appreciate this doctor, and know the routine. "Well, that wasn't ordered, doc, but tell me what you need and I'll take care of it for you.."-that turns him into an instant, apologetic softie.
But sometimes, rarely, they are just Neanderthals.
I find that younger and newer doctors can be much easier to deal with, as many of them rely on the observations and judgement of an experienced nurse. They tend to treat us as we are-a different specialty, not an inferior or subordinate. They are almost always willing to teach, or let you in on their thought processes, as well as hear yours. My guess is this is where your BF is, and he probably despises being compared to the more primitive variety. If he is a new doc, chances are the urologist would have been almost as nasty to him as he was to you.
Doctors who treat nurses poorly usually have that reputation with everyone. Chances are good that other doctors know this about him, don't like it, but are too professional to openly reprimand a colleague.
Keep your chin up! And keep a "for emergency, break glass" orificenal of come-backs locked away for when you need them the most.