Been away for a while, but looking for support.

[NurseDaddy2006]

Hello there fellas...

Been away from allnurses for a while. I'm a psych nurse now, and for the most part I like my job. I'm told that I'm good at it, by some peers, and bosses, and most importantly, my patients. So I've been doing well, and have not needed much by way of support, which was always my primary reason for being on the boards, and you folks never let me down. I've gone through some tough stuff on my road to nursing, and it was an interesting first year. Not without a speed bump or two. I'm hoping you'll be as free with the support as you all have been in the past.

But this latest thing is a real winner. I mean, you just can't make this stuff up.

I really need to write a book. Here's what happened:

About a month or three after I started, one of my coworkers, a female who works there part time and I don't see often, made a comment to me: "it's a good thing I like you, or you'd be in big trouble right now". I guess I'd made a mistake or she thought I had, but I dismissed it figuring at least I was on her good side.

Then one day she walks up behind me and makes a comment about my rear end. I ran that past a few people and they said "be flattered". I dismissed it.

Then a month or so later while dispensing meds, I am shocked to feel someone's fingernails being dragged down my back. This was done in front of a coworker. We look at each other as she walks away, and we both said "what the? did that just happen?"

Then another few weeks goes by and we're working together again, when she walks past me and grabs a couple of inches of the flesh of my right gluteus maximus. Hello? Did that just happen?

Never being the quick wit or one to have the snappy comeback, I was speechless. I went home and told my wife about this, like I'd told her about the other stuff, and she was angry for me. She told me I don't need to be subject to that. She asked me why I did not confront her right after it happened, and honestly, I was so stunned, and confused, that I did not know what to do. If she was rejected, perhaps she'd make matters worse, or say I did something first? As it was I was thinking she was only doing these things to get me to react in kind so she could nail me. I promised that should there be another incident, I'd make my feelings known right away.

The next time we worked together, I was sitting in the nurses station and she walked by and ran her hand over my shoulder, up my neck, and caressed my face. I told her to stop it, that touching made me uncomfortable, and that I am a happily married man who does not need that sort of attention. At that point she leans in and says, "c'mon, it's not like I touched your ________" (insert word for male equipment in the blank).

I had to let that one sink in for a minute. At which point she walked away in a huff and I followed asking if we were going to have a problem from now on. She told me "it's a good thing I like you or there'd be daggers coming your way".

That's when I knew that this was going from bad to worse. I went in to see the boss and told her in very vague terms that something had happened, and that I thought I'd dealt with it, but I wanted her to know that something might be said to her and she'd need to be open to hearing my side. She said she knew she could trust me and was willing to wait before going further, and hear me out and trust what I would tell her if a problem arose. I felt secure that someone was in my corner.

Since that last interaction, this coworker has called my cell phone to leave a nasty work-related message, she has given me a hard time about the work I was doing, and then she went to the boss and started complaining that I was not doing my work, at which point the boss turned around and grilled me for a full report on my day's activities. I was, without a hiccup, able to run down a full report of everything I'd been doing that day, to her satisfaction. That was it for me. The bosses called me in the office on an unrelated matter, and after that was dealt with, I asked if there was recall of the vaguely described situation from the other day. It made sense now why this co-worker would be behaving this way, and I had to go into detail.

As much as I did not want for this to happen, HR is now involved. I gave my side today, the coworker will give her side at some point soon. I'm off for the next 7 days and do not really want to be in contact with anyone there either.

On one hand they all tell me that I did the right thing, and on the other hand I feel like I just blew my nursing career because there'll be a flag thrown up any time I try to get a job someplace. HR is talking to the legal department and gonna try to cover themselves and "protect the corporation". I just want to feel good about going to work.

This stinks.

ND2008

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Oh, man. I've been a victim of this on the other side (meaning as a woman) and it can go either way.

You had already reported your concerns, you restated them, and now HR DOES have to address it. Our desire not to rock the boat is precisely why this sort of thing continues, and our desire not to rock the boat is also perfectly legitimate because going through this bites big time.

I wish you luck, and I think you're going to be okay, as they WERE forewarned, and she is clearing engaging in retaliatory tactics. She must be disciplined, and the PTB must arrange that you don't work together.

[rolland542]

Hello there fellas...

Been away from allnurses for a while. I'm a psych nurse now, and for the most part I like my job. I'm told that I'm good at it, by some peers, and bosses, and most importantly, my patients. So I've been doing well, and have not needed much by way of support, which was always my primary reason for being on the boards, and you folks never let me down. I've gone through some tough stuff on my road to nursing, and it was an interesting first year. Not without a speed bump or two. I'm hoping you'll be as free with the support as you all have been in the past.

But this latest thing is a real winner. I mean, you just can't make this stuff up.

I really need to write a book. Here's what happened:

About a month or three after I started, one of my coworkers, a female who works there part time and I don't see often, made a comment to me: "it's a good thing I like you, or you'd be in big trouble right now". I guess I'd made a mistake or she thought I had, but I dismissed it figuring at least I was on her good side.

Then one day she walks up behind me and makes a comment about my rear end. I ran that past a few people and they said "be flattered". I dismissed it.

Then a month or so later while dispensing meds, I am shocked to feel someone's fingernails being dragged down my back. This was done in front of a coworker. We look at each other as she walks away, and we both said "what the? did that just happen?"

Then another few weeks goes by and we're working together again, when she walks past me and grabs a couple of inches of the flesh of my right gluteus maximus. Hello? Did that just happen?

Never being the quick wit or one to have the snappy comeback, I was speechless. I went home and told my wife about this, like I'd told her about the other stuff, and she was angry for me. She told me I don't need to be subject to that. She asked me why I did not confront her right after it happened, and honestly, I was so stunned, and confused, that I did not know what to do. If she was rejected, perhaps she'd make matters worse, or say I did something first? As it was I was thinking she was only doing these things to get me to react in kind so she could nail me. I promised that should there be another incident, I'd make my feelings known right away.

The next time we worked together, I was sitting in the nurses station and she walked by and ran her hand over my shoulder, up my neck, and caressed my face. I told her to stop it, that touching made me uncomfortable, and that I am a happily married man who does not need that sort of attention. At that point she leans in and says, "c'mon, it's not like I touched your ________" (insert word for male equipment in the blank).

I had to let that one sink in for a minute. At which point she walked away in a huff and I followed asking if we were going to have a problem from now on. She told me "it's a good thing I like you or there'd be daggers coming your way".

That's when I knew that this was going from bad to worse. I went in to see the boss and told her in very vague terms that something had happened, and that I thought I'd dealt with it, but I wanted her to know that something might be said to her and she'd need to be open to hearing my side. She said she knew she could trust me and was willing to wait before going further, and hear me out and trust what I would tell her if a problem arose. I felt secure that someone was in my corner.

Since that last interaction, this coworker has called my cell phone to leave a nasty work-related message, she has given me a hard time about the work I was doing, and then she went to the boss and started complaining that I was not doing my work, at which point the boss turned around and grilled me for a full report on my day's activities. I was, without a hiccup, able to run down a full report of everything I'd been doing that day, to her satisfaction. That was it for me. The bosses called me in the office on an unrelated matter, and after that was dealt with, I asked if there was recall of the vaguely described situation from the other day. It made sense now why this co-worker would be behaving this way, and I had to go into detail.

As much as I did not want for this to happen, HR is now involved. I gave my side today, the coworker will give her side at some point soon. I'm off for the next 7 days and do not really want to be in contact with anyone there either.

On one hand they all tell me that I did the right thing, and on the other hand I feel like I just blew my nursing career because there'll be a flag thrown up any time I try to get a job someplace. HR is talking to the legal department and gonna try to cover themselves and "protect the corporation". I just want to feel good about going to work.

This stinks.

ND2008

Okay, this is probably coming late, but it is here never the less.

File an official complaint. Write down your statement and include any and all people's name whom were present at the time of the individual incidents. Be as detailed as possible. If the HR and Legal Department will not protect you, file a complaint with the EEOC. They will be sure to sit up and take notice then. Even though you like your job and place of employment, I would start looking around.........it is likely that the retaliation will not end there.

I think it is sad when this crap happens and the fact that most HR Departments do not take it as seriously as they should. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would have been turfed (or suspended) with the first general complaint!

[NurseDaddy2006]

Well, it's been a while since this all went down. Here's how it played out.

The coworker was spoken to, and there's no talk of whether she denied it. They actually let the schedule play out as planned and we worked together a couple of times. She treated me as though I did not exist, even to the point of ignoring me and what I said on a day that I was charge-nurse-du-jour. I told the boss, and she changed the schedule around so we would not be working together. Then I started to feel a coldness from other coworkers. Followed by the feeling that they were waiting for me to screw up so they could fire me. It might have been paranoia on my part, but I felt very uncomfortable working on that unit. I went to HR to talk to them again and asked for a move into another area of nursing. Nothing became of it. I was beginning to think that I better move on. So I did.

I start my new job for a new organization in another area of nursing that I think suits me. It meant a cut in pay, but in the long run I thought it best for my future to leave and move on. As for the cut in pay, a few I've spoken to said they'd love to leave for the job I'm taking but after so many years at that job they'd be taking a cut 4 times the size of mine. They way I figure it, had I stuck around, gotten into another area, I'd still have a whistleblower's target on my back (if only in my mind). I don't need that kind of stress.

If I pursued legal action to recoup lost wages, or the difference in pay, or something like that, then I'd probably have to win enough money to never have to work again because it's not likely anybody'd hire me after that. For now, all they have to do is pay me my accrued time off and I'll be done with them.

Besides, if the new gig does not work out, I've left the system on good terms and another facility in the system might have something for me.

Gotta think down the line.

ND2009