Balancing school with motherhood & a deployed husband.

Anne36, LPN · Sep 23, 2010

I havent been in your shoes , hopefully you have some family around for emergencies. If I was in your situation I would probably be looking at more pros than cons. Cons for me would be the kids dont behave as well with Dad out of the house, being outnumber by the kids and lonely. Pros would be that the stress of keeping the house clean , cooking to someone elses standards and probably a bunch of other things would be gone. I do all the housework, childcare and have to worry about paying my own bills anyway so it wouldnt kill me if I was on my own.

jessicaleeclay · Sep 23, 2010

Hello

I know how you feel I am an Air force wife with a husband that has deployed once and gone to Korea for a year. Just stay focused and focusing on school and your kiddo will allow the time to go by so fast, for the semester and the deployment. You can do it! I have a 4 yr old and she's been awesome with mommy being in school and daddy away. Just make a routine and give yourself some time to Skype with the hubby (if you have it) and play with your little one to keep you sane. Stay strong you'll be finished in no time, giving the same advice to someone else.

God Bless

Jess

Anisettes, BSN, RN · Sep 23, 2010

I agree with Jessica - SKYPE is the way to go. You don't mention where your husband is being deployed to, so depending on whether he's going to a larger established place or a remote FOB will determine when HE is able to access the internet, but once he does you both will love Skype. Just seeing his face in real time will go a long way.

Don't be afraid to take any and all proffered help from friends and relatives. And don't forget to get some time for yourself - away from both school and the baby, even if it's just an hour or two. You're responsible for everything while he's away, you have school, plus the stress of worrying about him, you're going to need to recharge and rejuvenate yourself.

If you can, it may also help if you can find another wife who's husband is deployed that you can vent to when needed and who will understand your unique perspective. Maybe even one from his unit. It's useless to say don't worry, because that's human nature, but you can do this, girl.

It's the soldiers who get the thanks and the glory (and rightly so), but people often forget that it's the one left at home holding everything together is what allows that soldier to focus on the task at hand without having to worry about what's going on back at home. Very best of luck to you and may the time fly by quickly.

LorilouRN · Sep 23, 2010

I am also an AF wife. The good thing about school is that it will keep you busy! I've got 2 boys and, if I make it in, will be starting nursing school when my hubby deploys again. Mine are older, in middle school so that helps a little (except for practices and games and those kinds of things).

My study partner has a little one that's 1 year old and another on the way. Her hubby is currently deployed and she studies a lot during naptimes and in the evenings when the baby is in bed! This is the best time because it keeps your mind off of those "what ifs" and makes you focus on other stuff during the most lonely times!

You can do it! :)

ashleighannb · Sep 23, 2010

Afghanistan. This will be our first deployment. My plan all along has been to focus of school, works hard to achieve my ultimate goal(BSN!) and raise our son. Unfortunately I have no friends or family here yet. We've only been here for two months. We will be attending the FRG(family readiness group) meetings in the months that follow and I plan on meeting other wives whose husband's will be deployed with mine. I was reading through another thread earlier about a single mother in my shoes and a user posted, "You just have to DO IT!" I'm learning quickly that really is all you can do. When he comes home from war, I want him to be proud of me, just as I will be of him. I'm not the Army wife who is going to sit around for year. I have to be productive or I will go stir crazy. Military wives never get the respect they rightfully deserve! It is a tough job. It's not for everyone. We're the glue that holds every.little.thing.together. :)

As far as skype.... I do that weekly with one of my hs friends whose husband is active duty AF. They're stationed in Okinawa, Japan. It's great! We call it our "girl time". Ha

RN9742 · Sep 23, 2010

In the time until he leaves, I would make it a priority to make friends! You are going to need all the help and support you can get. Also assuming you are on a decent size base, or near it at least, there should be an on post child care center that typically offers a few hours a week of free care to families of deployed soldiers. Again now would be the time to start seeing if you are comfortable leaving your child there.

When he finally leaves make sure to always have a good back up for child care if your normal provider falls through, and DO NOT ever feel bad for asking for help! Typically there are plenty of resources available to deployed soldiers and their families on base and often times in the community if it is a large base. I would also begin utilizing a good scheduler or calender, schedule in everything! I know it sounds strange but for me keeping to a schedule just helps things run smoothly. My kids have a set bedtime, I set specific study time, laundry days, cleaning times and TV time for myself. If you can see it on a schedule, see that you CAN fit in most things most days, it really helps keep you from feeling overwhelmed!

ETA that I will admit I am not strict with the schedule, but it helps to know everything I need to get done in a day, and how much time I need to do it!

0402 · Sep 23, 2010

I have done this twice during my journey through prereq's and nursing school. I was doing my final prereq's when my husband deployed for 7 months, and we had a 3 mo. old, a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old. For me, that wasn't too bad, because I was only taking anatomy, statistics and I think something else, but I can't remember. I just graduated in May (I did a Master's Entry Program that is 2 yrs long), and my husband deployed shortly after my 2nd yr started and came home a couple of weeks before graduation- that time, we had a 2, 4 and 5 yr old. There was a lot more to juggle at that point. It helped that the oldest 2 were in school all day, but for the younger one, I found that there were programs on base that really helped me out. One of the best things was a program they had for 2 yr olds that was 8-12 every day. He loved it and they have great teachers. It was also in the same CDC that had hourly/ drop in care, so if I needed the extra time, he could stay longer. I also utilized friends in our neighborhood who would take my kids for a couple of hours on the weekend when I needed to write a paper or study- the weekends were definitely hard, when it was all me, all the time. Going to the FRG meeting is a great start, but if you have other opportunities to also befriend people whose husbands are home- they may have more time and energy to help you out. =) There are often resources available on base that aren't very well known (the 2 yo program we had at our last base wasn't advertised much, if at all- it always filled up, so people mostly found out by word of mouth). I know things vary from base to base, but I'm often surprised to find out about some of the things offered when we move to a new base. Good luck!

Lizzie21 · Sep 23, 2010

I applaude your husband for serving our country! I have a cousin who is in the army and is going back to afghanistan again after christmas.

For school: I would just make sure you organize your time wisely. Do homework as your as you are assigned to it. That way it doesn't build up and gets forgotten about. also i would suggest to do your homework when the little one is taking a nap or sleeping for the night. that way you can get it done and it's quite! :)

For the husband: Skype would definitely be good to download. that way you can see and talk to your husband. Also send care packages to him so we gets little pieces of home.

GOOD LUCK!!! You will do great

Casey, RN · Sep 24, 2010

My husband is deployed right now and I'm in my 2nd year of nursing school and have a 6 year old in 1st grade. My son has a lot more homework this year so that's been more difficult - keeping up with both of our schooling but on the plus side, although I miss my husband I don't have time to think about missing him. I can't say I've even been lonely in the past 2 1/2 months because I've been so busy. I'm not going to say it's easy but it's doable :-) Message me anytime you want! :-)