Bad Manager/Tough Coworkers

[morgan_porgan]

So I just started a couple months ago at a level 4 NICU in Delaware. I transferred from a level 2 that feeds into this hospital as it is a children's hospital and doesn't' do deliveries. The manager is extremely tough, has bad people skills, and puts people down most of the time. I've been on orientation for 8 weeks with a maximum of 12 weeks on. While on orientation, myself, my preceptor who I've had that shift, my manager, assistant manager, and nurse educator have meetings every few weeks.

My first meeting went great (or so I thought). My 2 preceptors in the room said that I was doing great, catch onto things quickly, and don't need to be told things twice. So after this meeting, I switched to night shift. 2 weeks into night shift, we had another meeting. And this meeting went horrible. I held back tears the whole time and spent my whole ride home crying.

This meeting, my manager asked how I thought it was going to which I answered I thought things were going great and I felt like I was learning a lot. My manager responded (in the nastiest and demeaning tone) said that she thinks I wasn't progressing as quickly as expected based on weekly sheets my preceptors fill out. And that it seems that I say "I Know" or "I got it" a lot. I felt like nothing nice was said in the meeting and i didn't agree with anything she said.

So my question is...how do I go about approaching this issue? I probably shouldn't have gotten so upset, in my defense it was after a night shift with 3 hours of sleep prior. But the way my manager spoke to me was not okay, but no one says anything because that's how she speaks to most people. Anyone else have tough managers and had ways of dealing with the situation?

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

"I am invested in succeeding in my nursing practice. How do you suggest I go forward from here?"

"I am hearing what you are saying, and as unintentional my tone is perceived, I want to perfect my practice. What do you suggest?"

"May I have a performance improvement plan going forward?"

"Thank you for pointing those things out to me. Know that I had no idea I was doing this! I will be much more mindful going forward."

Nights are a tough gig. "I know, I got it" are immediate defense responses. If a nurse is trying to teach you something, even if it is something you DO know, listen intently, repeat back the important points, and do what you need to patient care wise. Every person approaches care in a totally different way. So you may find that you will learn even one little thing different with each encounter with a senior nurse. Even if in a tired state you are very "ok, enough, I got it"--that is your tiredness talking.

And one thing I have noticed. Nurses who work with critically ill kids/infants learn to not necessarily have a filter. I am not sure how else to explain it, rather the content of their work is just so 100% heartbreaking a lot of the time, that walls go up, filter goes out the window---it for some nurses I have dealt with--is the only way to have any sanity with kids who are dying, not getting well, are critical...devastated families....

Do not personalize this. I find it is how nurses who are NICU/PICU focus, stay "sane" and can do what needs to be done every day.

Best wishes, be 100% sure that when you get home, eat something and GO TO BED!! Room darkening shades are the best, a fan or other white noise is helpful, turn off your phone or put on silent. For the time being, you may want to "live your life" in the night shift mode, even on your days off. Just until you are on a permanent shift--and re-evaluate if nights are the choice for you.

As a complete aside, I would most definitely change your avatar so it is not your picture (if it is your picture) and your user name should this be your real name. It helps to be anonymous and for you to be able to vent without identifying details.

Again, best wishes.

[billybulldog]

Stay humble & look at every exchange with coworkers as a way to gather information so you can get better at your job. Bad managers can make your work life miserable and damage your career, so be very careful what you say to yours. If she asks you how you think it's going don't be afraid to ask a clarifying question back like "What part of my orientation are you most interested in getting feedback on?" You also need to try really hard not to get defensive, especially when sleep-deprived, and try to see things from their point of view: What are your preceptors writing about you? What are they saying to you? Who is the last "new person" on the unit you can talk to about how they got through it? Have you made any friends on the unit that can mentor you? Good luck & best wishes!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

A constant litany of "I know" and "I got it" makes it seem as if you're not open to learning. Preceptors hate new grads who act that way -- it's pretty difficult to teach someone who already thinks they know everything. I'm sure that's not the impression you were hoping to give. Your manager may be bad and your co-workers tough, but you're going to have to change the way you approach things. More listening and less "I know" and "I got it."

[rnkaytee]

^ I completely agree. It really depends on the tone but if you KNOW you know how to do something just respond "I think I can do this on my own but could you stand by in case I have questions?" The fastest way to peeve me off as a preceptor is to say "I know" especially only 8 weeks in.