At The Fork In The Road And I Do Not Know What To Do.

[ER_RN_]

Hi everyone! 

I have been an RN for a little over a year now. I started my nursing career in the emergency room and absolutely loved it. 

Background: I am on an antidepressant as well as an anti-anxiety medication which I have been for years. 

While working I became super depressed. When I become depressed I feel absolutely exhausted, and can not sit there without becoming teary-eyed and crying. I actually had to leave work and come back to finish out my shift that's how short-staffed we were. I am not sure if it was situational because I was with an older nurse who has been a nurse for over 30 years and then a per diem nurse who definitely thinks she is above everyone. I'm not sure what sparked it exactly but it was awful and I feared going back to work.

I only felt like that when I was scheduled to work with certain people; I would purposely switch shifts if possible to avoid working with hose select people. I also lacked support from my manager which did not help. I am also not sure if I was working overnights that played a role. 

When I was with coworkers whom I called my "safety blankets" I was fine. 

I ended up leaving that job in May of this year to pursue my BSN full-time. My ER unknowingly was going to close in July of this year so everything happens for a reason!
I plan to graduate in May of 2024 with my BSN and would like to find another job. One coworker I am very close with told me she could get me hired at her ER; but here is the thing, I do not want to work any shifts unless I am with her because I am scared to have another depressive episode. 

I also do not know if I should not go back to the ER because of how taxing it is on one's mental health. 

I adore working with pediatrics and psych has always interested me but thinking about starting a new job where I am "fresh meat" and a not-very-experienced nurse while not knowing anyone makes me feel like I am going to experience another depressive episode and have to leave that job for good.

I think I am just reaching out to the nursing community for any advice, if anyone can relate to me, and/or any nursing jobs that are more laid back possibly? I am not sure but this is my career and I love being a nurse but this eats me alive.

Thank you all so much in advance!

Melissa 

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

"I also do not know if I should not go back to the ER because of how taxing it is on one's mental health. "  You  answered your own question. You have that golden year of experience. Search the job boards for what interests you. 

Private duty, home care, pediatrics.  Search your soul.. but you know ER is not it. 

Many work from home positions are available to you.

Best wishes in  your search.

 

[Rionoir, ADN, RN]

The great thing about psych is 90% of your coworkers have mental health struggles that they wear on their sleeves and you never have to worry about telling a coworker that you're having a panic attack, or depressed, or bipolar, or whatever else you're struggling with that day. Where are you located? If you can find somewhere that has residential/PHP/IOP psych programs you'll find it's rather laid back and lets you focus more on the interpersonal aspect of nursing.