Anyone else terrified for your parents/loved ones?

[nervousnurse]

Hi.... I've only worked in hospitals thus far and had briefly considered a Nursing Home position, but I realize now there's just no way......with the terrible staffing/ errors/ abuse.......it is just depressing me to no end:o

Now I'm starting to reallllllllllllly worry about my Dad's future, if he should need LTC- and not just him, but any of my loved ones......

I have tried (realllllllllly tried) to look at this with faith.....telling myself "God is in control"......"these patients will go somewhere better", etc......it is the only way I can handle my worry/depression.

Instead of just worrying (yes, I know it's so unproductive!) I started to visit residents in Nursing Homes with a church group......it is wonderful- especially visiting with those residents who have no visitors. I also found that some NHs bring in children, pets, etc....... I also read threads here about nurses getting involved with their associations and advocating more for our elderly, and that is something else I should do, also.......

I started seeing that nursing homes aren't always totally awful and that's what made me apply for an LPN position recently- but after hearing all the horror stories, nooo way! ........and more than that.......I worry soooooooo much about my Dad/ family members ending up in a terrible place......(I would LOVE to think I could take care of them at my/their home if needed, but we all know sometimes that is just not possible)

..what do you do to stop worrying about how nurses are going to treat your loved ones? I am also so fearful with the statistics......our elderly population is growing and there are less and less nurses to take care of them.......it's too much for me to think about....Thanks for listening.......

[susanmary]

Originally posted by peggysue

When my dad got to the point of needing constant care, I moved him into my house and cared for him myself. There is no way, no how, that I would have ever put him in a nursing home. He was there for me all my life, and I was determined to be there for him no matter what it cost. I'm so glad I did. He was happy and comfortable, and although it was hard for me at times, I cherish the time I had with him before he passed away. I wouldn't change it for anything.

Your actions speak louder than words ever could. The love and personal sacrifice you've given to your father are not only a tribute to him, but to you also. You did what was right for your father and yourself ... certainly not what was the easiest for you to do. I imagine he was as proud of you as you are of him. Everyone in life should feel this loved. God bless.....

[Dixen81]

Thank you for the nice words, susanmary. He was my best friend. He and my mother divorced when my twin and I were 6 mos. old (and we were the youngest of five kids), and he got custody and raised us even though it was hard on him. He was a man of integrity who was well respected by others who knew him. It's been six years now, and my heart still breaks missing him. He was truly a good man.

[dragonfly954]

I was doing my clinicals for adn at an assisited living with a long term care side.I saw an older (late 50's )cna literally shove a really big fried shrimp into a very elderly demented pt's mouth and hold it shut screaming at her in her ear to hurry up and swallow it.She didn't have all day to wait on her.She then took her cup and forced a drink into her mouth and held her mouth closed.We were the only 2 in the dining hall.this was a very elite place,expensive too.She then picked up one of the shrimp off the lady's plate and ate it,mumbling how they ate better than her.I was horrified. It all happened so fast and this cna was rather large and tall with an attitude to match.i went to my instructor and she passed it along.the only punishment she got was that she was not allowed to feed them anymore.No kidding.All the residents never misbehaved when she was around or even talked. I took a guess why.i thought she should have been arrested for elder abuse right then,terminated right then,and reported to the bon right then.If i would have been a staff nurse,I would have done my best for all 3.in all my years,i have never forgotten that site of her shoving the food into her mouth and holding her mouth closed as the resident tried to fight her off.I was told by my instructor that they had problems with her before.i could only think to myself that this cna's time would come soon enough because she was not too far away from nursing home age herself.

[Dixen81]

That makes me cry.

[TriskixRN]

I agree the pay is terrible. One of my friends is doing phlebotomy now. After a short course last summer; she went from making as much as I do (as an LPN) to making more than I do by nearly two dollars on the hour (she was working at Wall Mart and now is working at a local hospital.) After the LPN 2 liscensure pay increase I almost have caught back up to her! She had intended to go on for her Nursing but after seeing so much in this last year and being fed up with nurses and their "poor practices" she doesn't want any part of it now. She says that as nurses we should be monitoring each other more and doing more reporting on each other rather than doing so much "covering up for one another". I tend to agree. But, if our supervisors aren't going to do anything about our complaints and reports why bother? Alot of the nurses I have worked with lately share this additude and want to just get thru the shift and get outa there! I was even instructed in my orientation at one facillity that "if you don't say anything you'll be allright, just mind your own business and watch your back." Scary isn't it? If you see somthing I am not saying it shouldn't be reported ... I just don't see any positive changes lately.

From a patients' family stand point I was really disgusted and infuriated by the nonchalant /I don't care / "its not my fault" additude stated to my Mother and I when we reported the poor patient care she was recieving. Besides the fact that nothing improved. Mom was in the hospital for about 16 days and was on three diffrent floors and four diffrent "units". Even in ICU, she wasn't recieving care as she was soppposed to get. The nurses were so "run" they didn't provide ice water to Mom for the first 13 days (she was on I and O). I gave her the only bathes she recieved and had to go get her some help b/c the callights were being answered by a unit clerk and Mom was unable to speak to tell them what she needed before they shut the intercom/callight off! The most common remark was "I'll be there in a minute." Acceptable, except that "minute", in some cases, include the weekend the nurse was off!!

On the over all I remain strong in my feelings that my family will never be thrust into a nursing home b/c of my experiences there and now I am adding to my belief --- for safety reasons, my family will not be in a hospital room alone agian.

The worst was that over the entire experience not only was there nothing done about the situation, there was no hint of empathy or appologies offered.:uhoh21: If I werenot a nurse, and had not took on the suctioning that day, I believe Mom would be dead; from the plaque (I removed) being so large had it completed the sideways turn I believe it would have occluded the trach; it was the largest plaque I had ever seen suctioned out of any trach.

Before becomming a nurse; I was very nieve. In nursing school when we did our rotations in LTC some of the patients I remember were so sweet and kind and terrified. I asked them about what they were afraid of and it seemed absurd... why would they be afraid of their care givers?

However, in these years I have seen RN/LPN/CNA "caregivers" due to "short staffing" / just spite or purely just being mean... refuse patients more at meal times, tell the patient to wait a minute and then the caregiver goes and takes their break or just sits at the desk talking on the telephone (personal calls) and when I reminded the caregiver the person was still waiting... I was informed they can wait till h--- freezed for all the caregiver cared. (I took care of the patient my self); pureed food mixed with liquids and poured into a patients' mouth and the cup tilted ever upwards untill the patient started choking or the mixture poured all over (in which case the caregiver yelled at the patient and informed all of us the patient "did it agian" and now we had a bigger mess to clean up), I have seen people treated like "babies", tricked into taking meds, the worst was during an orientation the RN shoved the applesauce laden PRN antianxiety med into the patients mouth and then while the patient was yet on the bed on the floor the RN held the patients mouth and nose closed to force swallowing and then let the patient get a quick breath as the RN dumped water down the patients mouth. I was so horrified I couldn't hardly breath myself and then really terrified I might be indicated since I was there and saw it happen (however frozen from horror). I was very distraought; I almost walked out of the facility right then. i reported it. The patient suffered a bruised face and the RN left the facillity to work at another one (some kind of punishment huh?) I have seen patients coersed into doing things they didn't want to, families lied to about the patient / patient care ( terrifiingly often the family will take caregivers words over their own family member), clothes swapped with and between patients (others seem to just vanish). And so much more I have tried to push out of my head and can't...

Nursing is sometimes quite treacherous. To speak up you may find your work sabotoged or some story made up that points fingers at you and the worst is when to retalliate another caregiver treats your patient without telling you and then reports you not doing that specific thing. I have been in many facillities and would love to believe this is isolated practices but it isn't; each facillity has it's specific "flaws" and "tolerances" that they accept and coverup. We all want to pass the state inspections don't we? I believe that is why some people have sickness or take suprise vacations convieniantly at those times... I used to love state inspections they were the only times the facillities really ran correctly and patients had the care they deserved and paid for.:roll

[grouchy]

I got to a point during the last 2 months of my father's life where I felt I had to put him in a nursing home, between his frequent hospitalizations. I worked per diem - just a couple of shifts a month, and spent most of my time with my father. It was a good thing that I could afford to do that. The nursing home was supposedly the best one in my town, but I saved him quite a few times from being neglected.

I don't think the system will improve, I think that what will happen is that many of us nurses will make great personal sacrifices to make sure our parents are not neglected or abused by the system. Our parents will be the lucky ones.

Maybe someone should start a cooperative eldercare day program - the way some groups run cooperative nursery schools.

[TriskixRN]

The system won't improve if we don't force it to. I don't know how to force the changes (I am better at ideas). I think if there are enough of us out there that truely love our people we can cause change by not accepting second-rate caregivers. There has to be a line drawn somewhere... and it isn't pay... it is quality of care and additude. We need to assist the caregivers who fall short and need guidance and throw out the ones who are in it soley for the money or are being forced into this proffession by a government whom doesn't see people for who and what they are but as a conglomerant that they can mold into what they want.... Why on earth are they pushing "welfare cases" into this field?

CNA s are not the only ones coming from this group and I am by no means critisizing anyone on welfare whom desires to become a nurse or CNA (God knows I was one) but if the person going through the program doesn't have the right heart they will only make it so much worse for the rest of us who really do care and despite the bad wages are still doing our best to be the best at what we do.