anyone else feel kinda lonely in this job?

Maevish, ASN, RN · May 3, 2011

There is SO much to adjust to in so many aspects of your life when you start nursing. The social thing is hard for me too, because I have a big family with lots of nieces, nephews, brothers/sisters-in-laws, so there's at least one birthday 9 of the 12 months of the year. Everyone's schedules are weird: dad works a "normal job", my one brother's a CNA with 8 hour PM shifts, my other brother's a cook who goes to work at 12pm and gets home around 1am 5 days a week, etc, etc. I'm only able to be at half the functions if that and usually someone's missing because of their schedule.

Then there's the actual nursing job, which, I soon found out on graduating, didn't just consist of taking care of the patients. You take care of the families, watch out for weird orders from the docs, keep cheerful and helpful with your co-workers, make sure pts get to tests on time (gotta get that CT done before that Full Trauma pt gets here!!), etc, etc.

Oh, and try to not get sick and take care of yourself physically and emotionally, let alone have a social life! haha

Honestly, there are still days when I wonder, "What the flippin hell am I doing here?!", when I don't feel like I'm giving anyone 100% and I'm just plain ol tired.

It sounds like you're doing what I do: think about everything all at once, then get overwhelmed. Take the saving and moving out. You live in NYC so you already know that will be tough without a roommate or two and all that that entails. So focus on the smaller things, like finding a day to go out, maybe not even with people, and do something you like to do. The stress is the biggest thing...find a way to deal with that and enjoy yourself and the rest of the stuff won't seem so bad.

I have over 80K in student loans, among other things to deal with, but instead of thinking about how old I'll be when those are paid off (hahahahahahaha), I think (or try to think), "Ok, all these other things may be stressing me out and getting me down, but at least I have a job where I can pay the bills and at least come out even. I have my family, even though I don't get to see them that much.....".

Just make a list of all the good things you have right now and the other stuff won't seem so bad. There's always going to be a 'Cons' list in our lives, but the best we can do is use the support that we DO have, and remember all the good things we can be grateful for.

*whew* sorry, that was way long-winded, but I'm 29 and I still feel the way you do sometimes and it's just not right! haha We're so lucky, really ;-)

Skylarslaughter · May 17, 2011

So I'm a new grad for just about 6 months on an insane med-surg floor in a huge nyc hospital. I am so incredibly grateful to have gotten a job where I did, and survived for this long, and surprisingly I kindof like it (even though I was one of those who swore I'd never touch med-surg with a 10 foot pole). I've gotten loads of amazing experience already, work with incredibly supportive coworkers, and feel so accomplished just to have made it this far.
I feel like I should be really happy at this point, but really I just feel kindof lonely/isolated from the regular world, and its starting to wear on me. I'm still living at home with my parents in the suburbs to save money, but also because I don't really have a roommate to get an apartment with (I dont want to live by myself, I need company or I'll go nuts!). None of my high school friends are around anymore, and I thought I'd be meeting new friends at work to hang out with, but on my floor nobody ever seems to get together - we all live very spread-out, and most people have families and whatnot at home. To top it all off, I'm working 12 hr nights, have had a hard time adjusting, and nobody on the outside really seems to understand my bizarre schedule (except my family, thank God).
I basically depend on my parents and 16 year old sister for a "social" life and support system. My mom is an RN too so shes pretty much my lifeline at this point for venting about work, but she works days so I hardly see her as well. Plus at 23 I feel I should be a little more independent, but this job is just so stressful it feels impossible not to revert back to childish dependency on mommy and daddy. I took care of myself no problem for 5 years in college btw, but this job takes the meaning of stress on a whole new level (again, something my non-RN peers have a hard time relating to).
Is there anyone else new to nursing who is feeling lonely this way? I know the social situation will eventually change. I love this job, but I hate the way it affects my everyday life. Please someone tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this!!

Wow...I feel you totally. Just like me. Except I'm not even a nurse yet, I'm working on my pre-requsities for nursing school and it's been a year since I left high school....a year and a half actually and I rarely ever talk to all my high school friends, I pretty much became so distant within the last year and a half and depressed....I started getting socially awkward from my growing insecurity and now I am trying to fix it. I'm 17 and I live with my mom and sister and brother and they are pretty much my support system but I feel like an outsider, like a freak with no friends. I go to my college classes and it's mostly older adults and some people a littl bit older than me...but I feel insecure and socially awkward, I use to have so much confidence and now I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like I backslided so much in the past year and a half and I'm not sure how to get my self esteem back or even get friends for that matter. I'm lonely.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · May 24, 2011

I didn't read the other responses, just wanted to add my little :twocents: .

I don't think it's nursing that's making you feel isolated. TBH, most people I know, after getting into nursing, became a little less social. They (and myself) felt like they had gotten their "fill" of people at work and came to really cherish their "alone time." Not saying its abnormal if this isn't your experience, just saying nursing doesn't ever make me feel "lonely."

That's also not to say I've never felt lonely while nursing either. Immediately after my divorce, I felt odd......doing EVERYTHING alone. That was the results of my personal life though. I think you are just at that stage where you need more than just family to socialize with. Comin on here can solve that a little bit. It's the stage of life you happen to be in, not necessarily "nursing" making you feel that way............IMO.

What I'd do, since you also stated you feel like you should be more independent: Get you own place. Go for broke, do it without a room mate, just get a smaller place is all. No biggie. You'll be very busy/distracted with a new place to furnish on your plate. And best part about "doing it alone" is.........you really get to make the place...........yours, or make it "like you". You'll pick the couch (heck, you pick if you go with a cough or love seat or both or easy chairs), you pick the bed, the cookware, what food to stock. Having my own place that I can afford and love is one of the biggest rewards nursing has given me. Take advantage of it.

StellaMarisRN · May 24, 2011

I know what you mean. I'm a new grad and I'm going into my fourth month in the ICU. It's really affected a lot of my relationships with everybody...I'm pretty much "burned out" on socializing with others. Even my relationship with my long-term boyfriend of 3 years has changed. I wouldn't like to say that I'm "bitter" but I'm very envious of my friends with stable 9-5 jobs who are able to make plans way ahead of time to plan vacations and get-togethers. My unit is very short-staffed and though I'm still on Orientation, I'm anticipating getting called in a lot. I'm honestly not sure how much longer I'll be able to work as a floor nurse because I'm already tired of it. I wish you better luck and hope that you feel less isolated soon.

stellarweb · Aug 20, 2011

feeling alone can wear you out. I do not feel lonely now but a few years ago, i guess i did. I have been there.

nola1202 · Aug 30, 2011

I remember going out for a drink with non nursing people I knew from college when I was in my first year of nursing. They were happy and carefree, and innocent of the horrors of chid abuse so horrifying it was unimaginable. A parent frustrated with a four month old's crying, and poopy diapers, while he was watching tv took her by her head and feet and dipped her into a pot of boiling water. The daily dressing changes were agony for her desite heavy medication, 3 of us woud change the full body dressings and cry too. I''d never heard a baby with that kind of cry, it was that of true desperation and pain.There were more, a kid shot in the head by a neighbors bullet going thru the wall and hitting him as he slept, it ripped through his jaw. kids with cystic fibrosis in end stage that called out for "bread, bread" she was just a little kid, and we called her sparrow. You have your own horror stories. All this weiged me down and I just felt so much older and wished I could feel the way they felt. I also worked rotating shifts and am kinda shy. I was alone almost all the time and would find comfort walking on the beach at night. I got dog from the shelter and that helped a lot. The other nurses at work didn't do things together, except the serious drinking, dancing and going home with a new guy every night. (pre-aids)

Not my scene, happier at home reading a book. One night on lunch break (alone) I picked up a cosmo and read an article about a flight attendent who had sex with three guys in one night, each in a different state, and she felt Liberated and spoke of the sexual revolution and womens lib. I thought if this is how I supposed to be...I felt shame for not being like that and felt hopeless and seriously depressed, and very alone. As time went on, I got used to some of the cases we dealt with, found one good friend and a few others to do things with. The sexual revolution withered and died on the vine and suddenly people like me were more the norm. It was a rough emotional transition but I wouldn't trade it for anything despite the lonliness. So far as living with your family, I had to while I went to college, I felt weird and so uncool. Everyone else hated their parents and had apartments. You know, you are right to wait and save money, especially in this economy. It's ok to let someone care for you and provide emotional support. I'm a little sister and I really missed my older sister when she left and really loved the times we spent together, still do. She is lucky to have you and the same for you. Don't worry, you arleardy have proved your independence and your abilities to cope on your own won't go away by living at home. This may be an old thread, didn't check the date, but someone else out there is feeling the same way. Talking a little bit aobut how you are feeling may lead to a friendship with someone who is sensitive and kind like you. Good luck, it does get better.