911 anybody?

Nurses Humor


Real 911 Calls, believe it or not ... (!)

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is your emergency?

Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks,why?


Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is your emergency?

Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.

Dispatcher: Excuse me?

Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.

Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?

Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.


Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

Caller: Hi, is this the police?

Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?

Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.


Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire or emergency?

Caller: Fire, I guess.

Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?

Caller: I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?

Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?

Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and....well.... do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?

Dispatcher: Help you what?

Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!


Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.


Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband


Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No

Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the police.

Be careful out there!


1 Article; 165 Posts

:chuckle :chuckle


1 Article; 2,394 Posts

Specializes in Everything except surgery.

:rotfl: :roll :rotfl: :roll Too funny...Thank you jnette!


345 Posts

We used to have a schizophrenic who used to call our dispatch center fairly regularly. My fav was when he called and asked " Hey I found something in a bag at the bottom of the dumpster, it may be pot. Is is OK if I smoke it?"

He also met one of our deputies on the Court House steps and handed him a huge joint and told the deputy to please check it for poison and then give it back to him!


276 Posts

Some people!!!!!!!!!

:lol2: :chuckle :rotfl:

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I

1 Article; 3,619 Posts

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

:chuckle :rotfl: :kiss

Good ones, Jnette. I love em.

My husband Jerry was on Sinemet for his tremors several years ago, and of course being a member of our ambulance corps, I would always answer the phone, no matter what time of day or night it was.

We had neighbor friends named, "Cindy and Eric."

One night the phone rang at 4 AM. Thinking it was an ambulance call, and knowing I'd probably have time to go on the call and be back in time to go to work, I answered it.

The caller was frantic!:eek: It was Jerry. He said, "Hurry up and go down to Cindy and Eric's Fran, they're having a sword fight on their front lawn!":stone

When I heard that, let me say, "I was disgusted?":rolleyes:

That killed my peaceful night's sleep.

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