Any good quotes from your patients?

[GermPhobe]

I had a patient with schizophrenia today. The other nurses were sending me their condolences, which I just don't understand. I don't know what it is about schizophrenics--but I've loved every one I've ever met.

This lady was no exception. She was 50 years old, and had been dealing with schizophrenia since childhood. I was amazed at her coping mechanisms. She journaled constantly, so I asked her what she was writing. She told me that she couldn't tell if a thought was crazy while she was thinking it--but that if she wrote things down and read them back she could distinguish her schizophrenic thoughts from reality.

At one point during the evening she called me into her room. She was sitting there with her hands in front of her face, thumbs up and index fingers pointing towards each other. She asked me to arrange my hands in the same manner. When I did, she said, "OK, that's what I see." That's all she wanted--a reality check.

Later in my shift she said to me, in all earnestness, "I might improve on my insanity, but I'll always be crazy." It was simply a declaration of fact, stated with no more emotion than if she'd told me today was Monday.

And why not? Another person might tell me that he's hard-of-hearing, or that he's got limited range of motion in his knees. Should a mental disability be viewed any differently?

[gr8rnpjt, RN]

I hope this thread takes off, I think it is a good one. In my last case management job, I worked for a Diabetes Population management model hired by a large insurance company in my area. My job was to engage the diabetic population and discuss many aspects of their diabetes. I will never forget this call, as I was sure at any moment this man would start laughing and let me in on the joke.

I asked him to describe his knowledge of his diabetes and we spoke of many things. The discussion came to diet, and this is the jist of the conversation,

"What type of foods do you like to eat, Mr X?"

"Well I like to eat fried foods. Anything fried. I have a fry daddy and I use it every day. Fried chicken, french fries, homemade onion rings, anything fried."

"Well, Mr X, are you aware of the effects of a high fat intake on a pt with diabetes?"

"Oh, I don't worry about the fat, I just blow it off with the blow dryer. By the time I am done, there is no fat left on the food"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I keep a blow dryer right next to the stove, and as I take the food out of the fryer, I blow all the fat off with a blow dryer. there is no fat left after I am done."

...needless to say, he was a priority patient for a dietician consult.

[lpnstudentin2010, LPN]

I am still going to a pedeatrition because I am only 18. these are from my pediatritions website:

http://www.miltonpediatrics.com/our_kids/stories.html

“I’m sorry. I can’t pee in a cup. I’m only allowed to pee in a toilet.”

Reception desk: “What would you like?” [question posed in reference to the sticker basket]

Response: “A ham sandwich.”

Overheard: “Daddy, I dreamed about you last night. Do you remember?”

Receptionist answers the phone [after a long day]: “Can you hold me, please?”

New mother, considering a trip: “Can my baby fly?”

A mother: “The Biblical cord fell off!”

Child: “Thank you for taking my blood pleasure.”

Child: “I need a damn-baid.”

Child: “Do I have chicken-pops?”

Nurse: “Please pee in the cup.”

Child: “They’re not going to make me drink it, are they?”

Nurse: “Do you know what “urine” is?”

Child: “Oh yes, it’s 1994.”

Child, to staff: “Do you have kids?”

Staff: “No, not yet.”

Child: “Good, because kids are really hard. Just ask my mother.”

Child [during hearing screening]: I can’t hear the beep. But I can hear my sister at the door.”

Dr. Niloff: “Get undressed.”

Child: “What? I’m under arrest?”

Child: “I’m here for my shocks.”

Child [shivering, entering the office on a winter day]: “Mommy, my teeth are biting me.”

Child [sick with a sore throat]: “Can you call the Fire Department to take the fire out of my throat?”

Child [after doctor completed exam]: “Mommy, why didn’t that man just fix me instead of talking?”

[babynurselsa, RN]

Had a very anxious hospice patient that I was admitting one day.

"I don't know what to expect, I have never died before." I thought this summed it all up very well.

[compassion1]

Had a pt, many moons ago, that had come from a psych hospital for hernia surgery. Poor thing got her words and meanings mixed up. One day she looked so very frustrated and blurted out, "I've had the radish!" Well, to this day my family knows that I'm at the end of my rope when I repeat, "I've had the radish!"

Marilyn