I sit here studying in the cafeteria and eavesdrop on several conversations with my headphones on, music low, and nursing texts wide open. I listen to the excitement of these traditional students, students who are going thru nrsg school the first time, unlike myself who is an LPN -RN transitional student.
I hear the cockiness in their voices as they "study" (ie gossip) with their peers. They talk about what their first jobs will be, how hard their classes are, and how difficult their tests are.
I used to be just like that. I graduated, got my dream jobs, but found that being just an LPN wasn't enough. Now I'm back at school. The LPN and ASN students eat together and share several of the same classes. Their excitement and optimism makes me so angry and jealous! I want to tell them... "Ur going to hate being an LPN!!! And you... You think bc u may end up as an RN you'll be better off!? You're going the way of the LPN- to the nursing homes!! A mere Assc degree means nothing!"
But I keep to myself. I understand that I'm angry at myself and the choices I've made. I'm angry that I became an LPN first. I'm angry I have more skill and practical knowledge than all of these "students". I resent being here. I resent that I, too, am only in "just" an Assc degree program. I resent that I start IV's, hang blood (first time was this past weekend and monitored for the whole taco vs trali like I was trained when I was first hired in the ER 2 years ago), insert NGs, and foley's regularly. I resent that I'm still making less than $15/hr as an ER LPN. I feel like I shouldn't be here. I feel like when I'm done, I shouldn't have to go back to get a BSN.
I'm so over school.
I need to think positive. My hospital is paying my tuition. I have a weekend option. I have more technical skill than even my LPN-ASN peers and I'm currently one of the top if not at the very top of my current class. Im even guaranteed a spot in the ER after I graduate (again).
I'm not book smart though. I feel I work so hard to ingrain this knowledge in my head. I'm just over school. I really hate school.
Why didn't I do an LPN-BSN program? It was cheaper for the ASN. I wanted a brick & mortar school. I wanted all of my credits to transfer. One BSN program said I'd need to retake a PE class!! Seriously!? Sigh...
I find it so hard to bite back my tongue and try not to destroy these bright young students' dreams of LPN and RN glory!
