An Ode To Assisted Living

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

ode to assisted living

i've been worried about this for some time -- what will happen when (if) my mother needs and increased level of care. the assisted living facility she's in is beautiful, and the staff are wonderful both to mom and to the family. the moment i walked into the building for the very first time, it felt so bright and cheerful and homey that i hoped against hope there was a place for my mother there. and there was. in the more than two years since, i have thanked god or providence or my luck every single day for that fact. i know mom is in a lovely place with lovlier people who actually seem to care about her. and about me.

i live a thousand miles away from mom, and it costs me nearly a thousand dollars every time i visit: air fare, rental car and hotel. that doesn't include all the meals i eat in restaurants and the lost wages from the days i take off work. mom is at the stage now where she doesn't understand that -- she just knows i haven't visited in months. when i visited last winter, mom introduced me to every staff member we encountered, even though she couldn't remember most of their names. "this is my daughter," she'd say. "she never comes to visit me." and without fail, the staff members would reply, "we know ruby. she comes to visit you as often as she can, and she does pretty well considering how far away she lives." that answer nearly always renders my mother speechless - something i never thought i'd see -- because she doesn't remember how far away i live. in fact, she doesn't remember almost anything about me except that i'm her daughter.

i always thought it would be the day she failed to recognize me as her daughter that would be the hardest day in this trip away from memory lane. it never occurred to me that she might remember me as her daughter yet not remember me. yet when i visit, the staff has a picture of me, my husband and my dog when we visited mom a year ago prominently displayed on her bulletion board. and a picture of my sister with her family. every evening when they bring her her medications, they'll point to my sister's picture and say "this is rose. she lives in nevada and she came to visit you last month." or "this is your daughter rose and she sent you a post card from mexico". the post card is also prominently displayed, right next to rose's picture. i can only assume that when i'm not there, they do the same thing with my picture.

as grateful as i am for those lovely, caring people, i cannot imagine how they do their jobs day after day after day.

i'm an icu nurse -- i work in a high tech environment where things are fast paced we regularly snatch our patients from the jaws of death. the nurses and cnas who work with mom make the time to sit and hold her hand when she cries because she can't remember or give her a hug when she's feeling blue. they make it seem like they're family. when i think about what nursing is supposed to be all about, they're the real nurses. they're doing the real nursing care.

mom's alzheimer's is progressing, and her days at the assisted living will be over before we know it. she'll need to move to a higher level of care. maybe she's even at that point already, but they're giving her every chance to prove that adjusting her meds will keep her appropriate for their level of care. while i'm unsure of what the future will bring, i know that i'm really going to miss that assisted living facility and the people there who make it home for my mother.

[oramar]

My mother's Assisted Living told me at the very beginning that they would allow her to age in place. Right now she is in hospice and they are very co-operative with that. I think if I wanted her moved to another facility because I felt she was over whelming the staff I would have to be the one to bring it up. They like my mom and her family so much we are the last people they would ask to leave.

[KtHospiceRNCM]

Hello,

I'm not sure what state your mother lives in, but in Illinois there are many ALFs that offer memory care. Residents that live in ALFs can remain in the facility (if the facility agrees to continue to provide a higher level of care than the 'norm') until end of life under Hospice care or in some cases Home Health care if appropriate. Another idea if your mom is in the earlier stages of Alzheimer's: if your mother has the available funds, hiring a caregiver either for 24 hours or partial day, in addition to the staff at the facility is an option many of the patients I care for use.

If those are not options for you, I can understand your distress in the idea of moving your mother to a skilled nursing facility. Many of those also have Alzheimer's Units or locked units if elopement is an issue. Research all of your facility options online and seek the advice from the Director and other staff members where your mother is now. Facilities hate to loose patients, and they may be able to provide you with some great advice or connections to be able to make the best decision you can.

I hope everything works out and you are able to arrange something comfortable for all involved!

~ Katie

Hospice CNA - 6 years and a new LPN!

[lilredrn]

Thank you for sharing your story! As a new nurse that spent her senior practicum in the ICU & has a strong desire to return to that specialty I wondered why my career path led me to work in assisted living for my first job. As a new nurse, solo on NOC shift with 170 patients I was terrified and frustrated. But the first time I sat with a hospice patient that was near & dear to my heart who was days from passing away and terrified.... I knew why I was there. It was a true blessing to my soul to experience this amazing patient and be there for them at this time. My presence was enough to comfort them, and they peacefully drifted off to sleep. As much of a difference as I made in that patient's emotional well-being that night, that patient changed my perspective of true nursing care for the rest of my career. ((hugs to you and your mom))

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

On behalf of all assisted living nurses, I humbly thank the both of you for your lovely posts :heartbeat

A lot of times, residents' family members don't even realize there IS a nurse in the community, so it feels wonderful when someone expresses gratitude like you two have done. We don't do what we do for the recognition or the money, we do it because we love the Moms and Dads in our care. Thank you for sharing them with us!