Am I making a mistake?

[NYCNative21]

Hello all female and male nurses out there,

Before coming to the conclusion that I wanted to become a Nurse I was working full-time as a firefighter/EMT. I would not say I loved my job but I did love running medical calls. The fire side of calls never really amused or thrilled me like the medical side did. Its pretty twisted of me to say but I used to always love running real emergency calls like Cardiac arrests cause I always learned a lot from the paramedics. Fast forward about a year and a half into the job, I decided I wanted to pursue a nursing degree cause working as an EMT felt like advancing in the field was something I needed to do and belonged.

A little background about me before I became a firefighter and really started working. Back during my middle school and high school years I would have to take an elective called health class which I am pretty sure everyone had to do at some point in there schooling careers. These years for me were the toughest cause of my anxiety. I was never able to explain and I still cannot explain it today but I used to always faint and throw up in my health class. Now it was not on every subject, reproductive system and sometimes talking about certain injections like blood dooping and bodybuilders always for some reason made my body feel really weak, numb and tingly. I would start to feel a hot sweat and my body would really feel like it was shutting down. On top of all that I would get heart palpations and eventually once I stood up to go to the bathroom I would throw up and then faint. Basically my body went into overload and shut itself down to restart. This was terrifying to me cause I never understood why my body did this to me and never happened to anyone else. Till this day I do not understand but anyways I wanted to get to the real issue here.

When I decided to become a nurse I never thought these issues would come back cause working as an EMT and seeing blood non stop never even phased me. I was able to help the paramedics push drugs, see patients get intubated, suctioned and so forth would no issues at all. Hell I was able to deal with cardiac patients who released there bowl movements and had throw up come up. This stuff obviously smelled horrible but I was able to deal with it no problem. During my first semester of pre reqs and taking anatomy and physiology part one I had no issues at all and loved learning about it. Now that I am in AP2 its a whole different story. I am worried that I am making a horrible choice for these reasons. There are some days we talk about certain blood conditions or blood dooping and it makes me feel sick but other days we can talk about disease and all kinds of conditions that do not affect me. Its only certain things. Like for some reason the idea of sticking myself makes me queasy and want to throw up but I have no issues sticking someone else. For some reason I always enjoyed doing it when I was working as an EMT. I think since my uncle recently died at the age of 79 from CHF and my grandpa came down with alzheimer's recently and strokes it has been stressing me out more. Nursing is a great field do not misunderstand me here but I feel like this field is causing me severe health anxiety. Ever since I started learning about all heart conditions, my heart palpations always make me feel like I am going to have a heart attack or die from a serious heart condition. I'm worried that the further I go into the nursing profession the worse it may become but at the same time there is no other fields I can see myself doing.

I wanted to become a PT but did not see myself going to school for a doctorate to just start working as a PT. I also thought about dietitian but they do not make that much money and I do not see it worth. I love fitness and love being around that aspect which is why I wanted to pursue a degree in NP working in sports medicine but if I cannot even making it then whats the point? Like I heard stories about nursing school and we having to stick each other and draw blood and all these stuff. This worries me cause I'm not good with someone new practicing on me.

What I wanted to know was does any other nurses ever struggle with this? Did you ever develop health anxiety from nursing school? For some reason I never had these issues until I started school to become a nurse. Seeing a dialysis patient now makes me feel sick cause I see the machines they are on and how that blood gets circulated which grosses me out but if you put me in a pulmonary unit then I would love it cause I love the lungs and learning about them. Im sorry if this is all a sob story but I am worried that I could be very well making a bad choice. Thank you to anyone who actually read this.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

I developed performance anxiety from nursing school after many years in the health field. That said, I have managed to have a successful nursing career for 25 years.

[Marisette, BSN, RN]

There are some things that one nurse may find difficult, challanging or be totally repulsed by and another nurse would not even blink when encountering the same situation. If you really want to pursue nursing, you might be able to get away from some procedures, by choosing certain specialties. However, let me warn you that it's not easy to get into the specialty you desire. Sometimes, one can manage to do certain procedures, temporarily or for a short period of time, like in nursing school. Exposure to certain procedures and environments numerous times, will certainly help decrease fear. You may faint a couple of times, but hopefully, after several encounters, the fear will go away.

Being uncomfortable with certain procedures or situations does not sound alarming to me. However, if you are feeling anxious most times and this is part of your personality or you suffer from a general anxiety disorder, then that's a different situation. We spend more time at work than we like to think and speding 40 hours or more per week with constant anxiety is not something I would recommend.

[NYCNative21]

Hey Marisette,

Firstly I just want to say thank you for replying to post =). You brought up generalized anxiety and honestly I really do not know for sure if I do or I do not have anxiety. Unfortunately I guess it would be wise to say that I do suffer from anxiety when it comes to developing heart disease. I have a fear of dying from a heart attack or developing CHF but thats really it. Other diseases like cancer or lung diseases do not fright me which is so weird. There is something within in me that really wants to pursue nursing but then at the same time due to i guess I may have health anxiety, pursing nursing would be a bad idea. The issue is then what path do I take from here? I want to be in the medical field and do something medically and fitness related but there is really nothing out there that pays somewhat decent and only requires a bachelors to at least start working. Its really depressing honestly.

I do really appreciate your post though do not get me wrong. Thank you

[Marisette, BSN, RN]

Hey Marisette,

Firstly I just want to say thank you for replying to post =). You brought up generalized anxiety and honestly I really do not know for sure if I do or I do not have anxiety. Unfortunately I guess it would be wise to say that I do suffer from anxiety when it comes to developing heart disease. I have a fear of dying from a heart attack or developing CHF but thats really it. Other diseases like cancer or lung diseases do not fright me which is so weird. There is something within in me that really wants to pursue nursing but then at the same time due to i guess I may have health anxiety, pursing nursing would be a bad idea. The issue is then what path do I take from here? I want to be in the medical field and do something medically and fitness related but there is really nothing out there that pays somewhat decent and only requires a bachelors to at least start working. Its really depressing honestly.

I do really appreciate your post though do not get me wrong. Thank you

Sad, but true, there are no bridge to entry programs to other health care careers that I know of. I interpreted your post to be more of anxiety provoked by certain medical procedures. However, I don't know what to think of fear of certain illness or medical conditions. Sounds more like a general anxiety disorder, but I'm no expert. Money and success can't replace mental health. I have experienced anxiety on occasion, but fortunately, nothing that has interfered with my nursing practice. Hopefully, you will get other's to chime in on your situation. Best wishes.

[JKL33]

OP, realize that it's not really uncommon to become a bit of a hypochondriac and even experience some anxiety related to it while in nursing school; it seems like it may be one of those things that can happen when "you don't know what you don't know" and aren't really quite prepared to put what you're learning into perspective yet.

You seem to have some idea of "when" this happens to you, and you seem to know a bit about your reactions to it. I wonder if CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) would help you get a handle on this? I have not needed to seek it out myself, but I've heard that positive results can be achieved when it is used for problems like yours. I would consult your pcp or appropriate counseling professional to receive their recommendations.

Best wishes ~

[NYCNative21]

Hey JKL33,

Thank you for replying to my thread and being so kind. I've always known I had a bit of hypochondria when it came to certain stuff but I thought I was passed it after becoming an EMT. My whole time in EMT school was easy and a breeze. Never once felt sick in class and in the field. If anything I was always the dude to first jump in whatever was needed to be done.

I think I do have a fear of the unknown for sure but what I am mostly scared of is let's say constant drawing blood in nursing school. I can get a glucose test or stick a person with an IV no problem and I love it but for some reason the idea of using a tube to draw the blood out of the arm of a patient makes me feel queasy. This sucks honestly cause I know if this little crap bothers me then I won't make it and people will judge me (maybe). Like mentioned previously I can run cardiac arrests and all kinds of car wrecks with the blood ozzing out but I'm not sure if I can handle a test tube and seeing it being mixed around during the hemocrit test. I'm weird I know and pretty pathetic. I just honestly wanted to become a nurse practitioner working in the orthopedic field but it doesn't seem like

I'll make it. People say if I can't handle this stuff then I might as well find a different career: sadly there are no other degrees that I can pursue that I see fit. I would of been a nutritionist but I heard that's not a good field to be in right now. I also wanted to be a physical therapist for sports but that requires a doctorate and I do not believe that is worth it honestly. Engineering degrees are way out of my league. I looked into biomedical engineering but that would put me back to square one honestly.

I will look into the CBT.