Am I going to make it?

[megg.russ]

Hey, I'm very very new to this site, so forgive me but I need to vent... just a little.

I'll give you guys the short version so that you don't have to read a novel to get to my point.

I'm currently studying for the NCLEX-RN in Canada and I'm extremely overwhelmed. I've never been much of a studier, so I floated through nursing school with minimal effort (and resultant grades). I struggled terribly when studying this past February and wrote and failed the NCLEX in March. I am now scheduled to rewrite at the end of June.

I have been coming to my mom's work every day and sitting at the extra desk in her office and reading my Saunders book, looking things up on the computer, and taking notes (it helps because it's a work environment and my adorable puppy isn't around to distract me).

I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, and borderline personality disorder. I have a busy home life and I also feel overly attached to my part time job. I care too much about it and I try to go over and above there for no apparent reason (the managers are not very nice people and I owe the store NOTHING, after having been there for 8 years - since I was 15).

I have struggled in my clinicals, having been forced to drop out a few times because I wasn't emotionally stable enough to be working with patients. It has been very discouraging, but I have pushed and persevered far longer than is typical of me. I ended up having to take my final consolidation clinical the semester after my class graduated without me and now here I am.

To keep this as brief as possible, I'll get to the point: I'm terrified and stressed out. I don't think I can do this. I don't think I'll be able to pass this exam, and if I do, I won't be able to keep all this information in my brain on the job (my fear of entering the workplace is a whole other conundrum).

Simply put, I just need support right now, from people who know what it's like. My family says I can do it (I have an amazing support system at home; I'm truly blessed) but for some reason I refuse to listen to them, believing in my heart of hearts that they have no idea what it's like to be in my situation, therefore their kind words of support are mute. Because of this, I feel so alone in my struggles, since all my nursing friends are already amidst successful careers because they're all naturally brilliant.

Please, someone tell me that I didn't waste the last 5 years of my life pursuing the wrong career, that it's not hopeless, that everything will turn out okay, that I'm not completely useless..

[NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

As for fear of entering the workplace, you should not be afraid. Nursing school teaches you the basics about nursing so that you can enter the workplace where you will then be trained on how to function as a nurse. As for your other issues, nursing is very stressful because you have to deal with people and the personalities that come with them. Some of them you will be able to relate to; some you won't...patients and your colleagues, as well as the average Joe you pass in the hallways.

Either way, you will need to be able to 'keep it together' long enough to care for them. How well you do that, well, maybe you should have a session with your therapist to determine if you're ready for this kind of responsibility. You won't do anyone any good if you're losing yourself in the process. Take care of you so that you can take care of others when the time comes. Best of luck to you!