Was reading some of the threads about alzheimers and wanted to share with you some of my thoughts. Both as a nurse and as a family member of someone who died of alzheimers.
I think that Alzheimers is the worst disease for a family member. You lose your loved one twice. Once when they are no longer "who they were" and when the body dies.
I remember going into my grandmothers room and there was no recognition of who I was on her face. She no longer remembered that she was my role model, my friend and confidant, and how much she meant to me. I started crying as I went to hug her, and she patted my back saying "it will be alright lady." We lost her body several years later. But that first time of realizing that they don't know you anymore is such a disasterous feeling.
As a nurse, it is so important for us to educate our families that your loved one might go into other res. rooms, may ask questions over and over, may misplace their sweater that you gave them for christmas, I even had a darling put her false teeth in the collection plate at church as she was taught to give to the Lord. (He understands).
My grandmothers dining manners became awful and my mother was just horrified. But if she was eating and not bothering others, a warm washcloth and a change of clothing was all she needed. This is just part of the disease process and what they do or say has no barring on who they were or their family.
And what must these little people going though. Maybe knowing that they aren't thinking right but don't understand what is going on? Strange people bossing them around. How when they look into a mirror they see their mother looking back at them and can't understand why "momma won't talk with me." Why doesn't someone hug me anymore. Did I like to eat fish?
The alzheimers unit that I worked on had 3 retired nurses. Is this a omen? One of them was 53 years old. I am now 51, sometimes forget what I am talking about, sometimes can't remember the newest password for the computer at work. Oh, my am I the next family member who gets the alzheimers? Or is it that I am just tired after a long day?
Any other nurses out there with families with alzheimers? What do you think?
Where I practice, we never try to reorient- its all about directing and leading the patient from where they are and not increasing their stress by telling them that they are confused.
We never did, either. It was all about living in their reality. Imagine telling a 92 year old woman that her husband has been dead for years, when she thinks he visits her every day. That's cruel--it's like they have to relive the death each time.
In 1998, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Following the diagnosis, my mother lived with me and I cared for her needs. Eventually, the disease progressed until she was finally admitted to a long term care facility.
Over the past ten years, I have watched as she has slowly faded away. The woman, who could make you laugh until you cried, can no longer even smile. The woman who taught Sunday School and was a Girl Scout leader can no longer read or even recognize the faces of her children. She can no longer feed herself, bathe herself, talk or even walk. Alzheimer's is an incredibly cruel disease.
My mom and I were so close. We were more like sisters than mother and daughter. We giggled. We would lay on the bed in my room and listen to records. She knew me better than I knew myself. To lose that closeness is incredibly painful. The day that your mother no longer recognizes you is one of the most devastating days of your life.
Hugs... lots and lots of hugs. This is incrediably sad for you.
I currently work in a locked alzheimer/dementia unit. It is the best and the worst job I have ever had, but I wouldn't change it for the world. We too have a lot of former nurses and reasearchers, teachers and nuns. It saddens me when family members miss the good few minutes that their loved ones had that day and when they are able to visit, the resident isn't talking, smiling, or they are having behaviors. We hear the funny things they say, we think that their actions are funny when the family is apalled, we see the smiles and get all their hugs and kisses. I hope I never have to be on the family side.
Specializes in psych, long term care, developmental dis.
My granny was in a very busy nursing home and KNOW that she did not get the hugs and kisses she should have.
As a family member of a loved one who died from alzheimers, if there was someone there to give her a hug for me, or laugh with her for me, or give her an extra snack just because, for me, THANK YOU!!! If you comb her hair for me, make sure that she is not wet or soiled for me, treat her kindly for me, If you give her tylenol even though she may not look like she might be in pain but just doesn't look like she feels good for me, THANK YOU!!!
If because she know longer knows that I belong to her or remembers me but she knows you, JUST TELL HER I LOVE HER just for me. God Bless YOU:bowingpur
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NurseKatie08, MSN
754 Posts
We never did, either. It was all about living in their reality. Imagine telling a 92 year old woman that her husband has been dead for years, when she thinks he visits her every day. That's cruel--it's like they have to relive the death each time.