Alone, Lost, and Afraid

[Born2Care4All]

I have been so depressed and crying everyday to the point where I am questioning why did I ever want to become a nurse. I graduated with a BSN in December 2014. Landed my first job in L&D after NCLEX in February. I worked L&D until this May, so just a little bit over a year. I really loved L&D!! The hospital was bought out several times but eventually closed. I decided to do home health to avoid the hour and half commute to the next local hospital for work. Now I'm working home health and seeing pediatrics to geriatrics, and everything in between including wound and psych patients. I don't have any previous experience and I don't feel like I know enough to take care of these patients. I put in my resignation back in July but I rescinded after the DON promised that she'd help if I had questions. Any time I have a question she makes me feel so stupid I'm afraid to ask. I don't feel like I can safely care for these patients, I'm afraid that something can happen and if I don't know what to do I would be in a lot of trouble with BON. Also, I have three small children and they feel neglected because I spend so much time on documentation when I get home. This makes me feel like a horrible mother. I just don't know what to do?!? Any advice would help.....

[RainMom]

To me, it seems like you know you aren't getting the support you need. Sounds like you just need a change in jobs. Home health can be too much for a relatively new nurse who hasn't had time to develop a solid knowledge base (especially since your first year was in L&D, not med-surg).

You said you were happy with L&D; did you look into any applying for any of these positions elsewhere? You have a solid year experience in the specialty which should help tremendously. Even if you have to drive a bit farther, once you are home, you are HOME; no more bringing work home with you & taking time from your family. If there are no L&D jobs available, don't be afraid to try other acute care positions; at least you wouldn't be completely alone without anyone around to bounce ideas off of.

This is just a bump in the road. Wishing you the best.

[vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN]

Please don't feel bad or like you're neglecting your kids because you have to complete some work tasks at home.

As Ive said before on AN, "Mom guilt is no bueno." It doesn't help you or your kids. I am also a mom of 3. I used to feel guilty about almost everything related to pursuing a nursing career, as most of it meant time away from my beloved kiddos.

remind yourself: it's a good thing to earn a living-this benefits your kids. It's a good thing to show them what being a hard working person is. I assume that you are working out of necessity. I had to realize this fact for myself. Work is a necessity, for many moms. Even if it's not a necessity; securing a strong financial future for your kids (via your working) does indeed benefit your children.

See a therapist if you're feeling depressed. Preferably a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Some LMFTs are excellent, too.

Im a newer nurse, too. It's hard, but do-able. Plus, I think that being a nurse is worth it. Your kids will and do benefit from your working and earning an income.

((hugs))

i cried many many a night over my kids and how this choice to become a nurse affected them. I'm at peace, now. It's taken a few years, though.

[RN/WI, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN, APRN]

Since you were LD, I would assume you are lost in what you are doing. If you liked that area of nursing resign and get back into that area. Definitely not worth the stress on you or your patients if you do not enjoy what you are doing!