After week Five I'm still "alive"...LOL, why wouldn't I be?

[NurseDaddy2006]

An update:

Yesterday was the end of the fifth week, and I was "district med nurse" for Thursday's and Friday's clinical. It was fine. There were some meds I questioned, like heparin before an endoscoy... snip out something to biopsy and maybe the patient would bleed. We held it. Then they found an ulcer... so next day I held it again... hole in the stomach the patient can bleed through? Professor was glad to see I had my thinking cap on. Go me. I was up to every task, wound up doing some other stuff when others needed assistance. I was good. I got concerned about the professor thinking I was just trying to show off and told her I hoped that was not the case (she knows me from last time and we have a good rapport). She said no, not at all. I think when it comes to the last 4 rotations and doing long days, I'll request that I go with her.

Now for the hand of fate toying with me and testing me: The patient (with the heparin I held) and I were discussing the ulcer. She said she finds herself stressed and has had a lot of difficulties in life. One of them was loss of a baby boy (like me). I said I was sorry to hear about that and just continued with my patient teaching regarding stress reduction, getting help with family, and taking time for herself since she said that everyone makes so many demands on her. I walked out into the hall feeling very proud that I had helped her without the self disclosure that got me the boot last year. I had done well without so much as a second's thought in the process, keeping myself in check was natural, but when I had time to think about it, I was very glad I'd passed that little test. To me it felt like a huge triumph.

Can you see me smiling?

ND2007

[muffie, RN]

allllrrrrightyyyyyy !!!!

keep up the great work

[NurseDaddy2006]

We went over the exam today, and even though one question jumped out to everyone as having a "more correct" answer (you know how they give you two and expect the best of them), the professor stood adamant about why we were all wrong. Sheesh. Hey, whatchyagonnado.

I just wanna get through this, that's all.

I talked to my clinical professor about what happened on Friday. She was glad to hear it and told me she's very happy to see my growth. I thanked her and asked if it was possible to spend the last four week rotation with her, and she said it's no problem, that I could. Good. Now all I gotta do is study, keep my head on straight, and my jaw from flapping and I'll be fine.

ND2007

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Make sure that head you're trying to keep on straight doesn't get too big....LOL....just kidding.

I'm very proud of you for taking the lessons learned in the past and growing from them. There will be some bumps in the road, and some things to trip you up, but I think you're going to do just fine.

[NurseDaddy2006]

Thanks Tweety.

Tomorrow I'm "team leader". I showed my professor the written assignment on that from last year, and she said "you could just hand that one in". That's cool, isn't it. She knows I'm capable, and is willing to work with me. It's nice to have someone there on my side.

ND2007

[donsterRN, ASN, BSN]

Yep...go you!

There's a happiness and confidence that comes through your posts.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

More people are on your side than you know. It's nice to have that encouragement isn't it?

[NurseDaddy2006]

Sure is. Today one of my classmates got to talking to me, and I wound up telling her about how mistakes I've made have become something I learn from. After it was over I told her I was concerned that I'd gone too deep into the conversation since I felt awkward for having talked with her (my first in depth convo with anyone this time around), and she thanked me because she felt she could take much of what I said and learn from that.

What I did say today to her was presented in a far different way than I might have said it this time last year. I used to look for sympathy a lot. I would look for people to comiserate with me. I used to want, rather NEED people to like me. No more. That's not me anymore. I was able to relay what I was saying in a different way, with a positive slant on it. But not being sure, I let her know that I was sorry if I'd unloaded too much. This is new for me, you know, so I'm not certain. Turns out, she was going through a rough time, and was telling a lot of people, and they were running for the hills. I told her I know just how that is, and did my best to seek out the appropriate people when I needed to vent.

My next interaction with her will include a suggestion to go online to a support board for her particular situation, and let it all hang out there where people will help and not run away and call her a drag or downer.

I came here, and was still accepted while at my worst, my most stressed, and now, at my best. And I'm glad I could. I can't say the same for people in "real life".

ND2007