Advise for dealing with coworker

chattypattyCRNA2B · Jul 19, 2005

Being frank with her, while being tactful is the only way to go.

Try this: "Can I talk to you for a minute?" "Please don't take this the wrong way but I've noticed that when we have conversations, it is always about something negative. I know you're a good person and you just want a listening ear, but at the same time I want you to know that it really is depressing and distracting to me. When I try and offer solutions, you don't seem to be content with that. I don't want to seem cold because I really like you as a person, but it's really starting to bother me and I feel like I'm not being as productive at work. I don't mind talking with you outside of work, but I would prefer if we not do it at work. Okay? You're not mad at me are you? Are you sure? I don't want any hard feelings and I don't want you to think I'm brushing you off or anything. You wanna get together for lunch one day this week?

or something to that effect....:)

SmilingBluEyes · Jul 19, 2005

I would say, "I am sorry things are so bad for you but I really don't have time for all the negative talk". You are not at work to make friends. Simply telling her you are sorry and then walking away will EVENTUALLY give her the point.

barefootlady, ADN, RN · Jul 19, 2005

You will have to tell her many many times to cut the negative chat before she will. Be prepared to ignore her several times a day until she gets your message. Good luck, she has a habit that is going to be difficult to break.

mysticalwaters1 · Jul 19, 2005

Sadly she reminds me of myself! But I've noticed and try to tone it down. I don't really cause trouble perse but I complain a lot. I try to joke but sometimes I think i annoy one coworker so i've tried to just joke it off more. I get worked up over more stupid stuff and i've been lashing out lately to others. Granted the one's i lash out are huge pains in the you know where but i don't want to be nasty. In fact I emailed my coworker a couple of times but I came on my own conclusion that people don't let work consume them at home as well and probably don't want to hear about anything. Infact, when i went on vaccation it was great and i tried to figure what was so great and it was i did not talk about work or talk about all the annoying things. I agree with the others either talk to her forthright or say you are busy. I would definietly talk about the emails and pms. I felt bad after emailing my coworker that i may be putting more weight no neccesary on her shoulders. Now i'll occasionaly send her positive NONWORK stuff. Maybe tell her this as well that you keep work separate from life at home.

I have another coworker that complains as well. I think that's why i noticed I shouldn't obsess over things to coworkers. Everyone needs to vent but move on. This coworker also i think manipulates you to feel sorry for her and do more work for her. I haven't confronted her specifically about it b/c i think she'd deny it and cause more friction. Now I just take it as that's her and actually ignore it and if i can tell she's having trouble i'll help. For cryin out loud when i'm in charge if i'd listen to her i'd be doing her entire section! She doesn't ask for help she'll complain, and oh i'm never going to be able to finish this! What i've learned if you need help ask for it.

Anyway hope it works out. That's the one thing i never really considered when i became a nurse was how to deal with the coworkers!

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Jul 19, 2005

Sometimes, you just have to say, "Well, I can tell that X issue is important to you and has you distressed but I really think that for my part, (insert statement why you are not overly concerned about X). And I am really busy with my patients right now. Perhaps, we could discuss this after things are caught up.

Much like with patients, validate their concern then shift that concern to a more legitimate (and hopefully less volatile issue).

After doing this technique for a while, usually they target another staffer.

grinnurse, RN · Jul 19, 2005

We must be working at the same hosp or something lol. I can relate to your predicament but instead of one negative person there w/me I have about 3 that are like that and usually, they all get each other going w/ their complaining and ranting and raving and the other day they were doing it in front of one of the Senior Docs. It was like he was surrounded. I was watching his facical expressions as these two nurses just went on and on about how bad things were at the hospital. Poor guy-he doesn't want to hear that. It's very hard at times to remain positive in the midst of all the negativity. The only thing that has really helped me so far is to do them like I used to do my Mother...........let it go in one ear and out the other. I would have to say something about the pm and emails. Try to counteract her negatives with a positive if you can, that sometimes works for me but then again, sometimes not.

Good luck and keep soaring with the eagles instead of wallowing in the mud with the miserable pigs!!

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Jul 19, 2005

Reminds me a bit of myself. I didn't "whine" (any more than everyone else :chuckle), but I got angry very easily. I didn't snap on people or anything, I just continued to internalize all of my frustration. That didn't work so well. I just got more and more angry all the time. EVERYTHING was against me, or so it seemed. Come to think of it, I may very well have whined alot more than I realized..........wow....

I decided to accept a new position in my company to get on a shift that works better for school, and guess what?.........I'm SO much happier now, and I haven't even started my new job yet!!!!! Just knowing that something NEW is coming is enough for me. - A new challenge, a new skill, a new ANYTHING!!

I couldn't see it at the time, but I was just burnt out in my job (held the same position for 6.5 years - the record is 8 or so). I've been doing the same exact thing since I was 19 years old. There's a BIG difference between a 19 and 26 year old, atleast in my experience.

I've heard that one of the great things about nursing is the ability to do so many differnt things, or work in so many different areas. Maybe you could suggest a move to your 'friend'?? (In a friendly way :rotfl: )

I wish the best for you and your 'friend'.

Good Luck.

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Jul 19, 2005

Good luck and keep soaring with the eagles instead of wallowing in the mud with the miserable pigs!!

AWESOME. Simple, yet effective. I like it. A lot.

Thank you, and I hope you don't mind me using the quote in my sig.

Nella · Jul 19, 2005

Thanks to everyone for their input. I did talk to her. It didn't go so well.

First time I've seen a tongue backpedal. :rotfl:

llg, PhD, RN · Jul 19, 2005

I, too, have a co-worker who drives me crazy in a similar way. She is a very nice person -- but she is a real "drama queen" in the extreme. At least once a week, sometimes twice, she is all up-in-arms about some injustice that has been done to her.... She doesn't like the way someone talked to her .... The lady at the store was rude to her ... The person at the bank wasn't polite ... etc. etc. etc.

She spends several hours a week on the phone fighting with people and/or venting her anger to those of us who work with her. Many times, she has a point -- a legitimate reason to be a bit frustrated -- but, she blows it all out of proportion. Rather than just shrug it off and go on with life, it becomes a major drama that consumes her.

She doesn't bother me as much as she used to with her many crises, however. I never give her much sympathy. I've even told her sometimes that she has made her problem worse through her actions. So, she is a little less likely to come for me for sympathy as she used to.

Good luck. I wish I had a good answer for you. I would use it myself.

llg

GigLs2u · Jul 19, 2005

This reply with be more legalistic with a possible technique for negative statements.

Does your facility have a policy regarding personal email? If so, are you in compliance with that policy? Even if it does not have a policy, I suggest you develop the practice of not sending personal email/personal messages from work and ask people not to send it to you. It is not professional.

In my first experience with email I did contact co-workers with personal email. The business did not have a policy regarding personal email and I was young, naive and stupid. I learned from an IT person at that business they can see EVERYTHING! This was in 1989. I don't know if my bosses saw my email because I never got in trouble. Since then I do not send personal email from work no matter what the business' or facility's policy is?

As a mid-level supervisor I have seen employees terminated for first offense of personal email at work. The person over me and her boss did the termination. I did not agree with it but had no say. The hospital had a policy which included the statement "may result in termination". Everyone had to sign a copy when the policy came out. Texas is not a right to work state and most employees are not unionized. I mention this because your employer does not have to give you a second chance.

One of the habits I have developed when people start talking to me negatively about other people is to tell them I am working on being more positive in my life so I would appreciate not hearing negative things about other people. I add that I am happier now than I was years ago and tell them about the technique I used to get where I am now.

What I tell them is to come up with 5 positive things for every 1 negative thing they think of someone before they verbalize the one negative thing. The positive things don't have to be work related. Maybe that person is an excellent mother, spouse or has pretty eyes, is clean, etc. If one works at it they can come up with five things. Eventually, if they are open it will dawn on them they are focused on the negative instead of looking at the whole picture.

I used this on a co-worker this past year. Within two weeks, she thanked me telling me how much it had helped her.

Keep in mind if you want to be in the gossip loop this will stop their sharing with you. For me this is best because it waste my time and puts me behind in my work.

If it is a work related issue she wants your opinion as to how to handle then I would tell her to write down 10 possible ways to handle it including the possible outcomes and effects and schedule a time to meet with her to discuss it. Essentially, this is busy work to keep her out of your hair and just maybe she will come up with her own decision. In addition, it should minimize her interruptions and put you in more control.

Best of Luck!

joy

I need some advice for dealing with a coworker. Or maybe I just need to vent. I'm sure she is a very nice person. She's smart as well. I have no problems with her nursing judgement at all.
The problem is she's a complainer. Very negative. Every day ( and I do mean very day) she latches onto some issue and gets worked up over it. Because we have to work closely together, I have to listen to it. It doesn't matter whether I can help her with the problem or not. She wastes my time. I have to tactfully find a way to deflect her each and every day. Multiple times daily in fact. She spends time writing emails to me asking my opinion and pms me constantly throughout my work day.
You know, I just want to do my job. It so very busy, I can't finish everything on my desk at the end of every day. She can't either. But I figure 30 minutes of each day is given over to her on various issues.
She makes mountains out of molehills. Or if she is not happy with one aspect of her job ( work hours, policies), she tries to rally other to her cause as a way of getting it over. I have to constantly remind myself not to get sucked in.
I have resisted complaining about her to my superiors. I don't wish to make trouble for her. Personally, I think she's just not in a good place in her life, and the negativity is just overflowing into work. I don't want to come off as a complainer either.
Any ideas for how to shut her down? Or tactfully help her see her behavior? She can make trouble (she's that type) and right now, with how things are at our jobs, trouble is really the last thing anyone needs. We are undergoing tremendous changes in the workplace and my supervisors count on us to be able to handle the change, not contribute more problems.
What I would not give for a positive upbeat person to work with......