Are You A Victim?

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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  1. Do you use victim language?

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A professor in my past semester at college left a very powerful idea with me, one that I think can really benefit a lot of people on this board.

I walked into my first day of Anatomy & Physiology this past semester, and I was nervous. I sat in the front of the class and waited for a professor who was deemed one of the toughest at my school, but also one of the most well liked. I didn't know what to expect of him, or the course other than the psyche out I was getting on this board about how hard A&P was.

In walked a laid back guy in his mid-30's, he had a smile on and was looking over what were now his students. I thought for sure he was sizing us up, and his first question was, "How many of you work?" A majority of the class raised their hands, he nodded.

"How many of you have kids?" Some kept their hands up, and some new hands joined those in the air.

The professor nodded again, "How many of you guys are victims?"

One girl asked what I was trying to figure out in my own head,

"Uh, victims of what?"

The professor took a seat and begin to lay out, what I now believe every professor should lay out at the beginning of a course.

He introduced us to what some of you in the education community know as Victim vs. Creator language. He said the people who complain about the course, make excuses for why they aren't doing well, and unfavorably compare themselves to other will be the 50% of the class that drops.

He let us know that to do well in something you must take on full personal responsibility. Sure, you can have a bad professor, but in the end, it's not about the professor. It's about you mastering material and your dedication to it. If you know the subject inside and out, it doesn't matter what is put on an exam, if you create a wealth of information and truly understand concepts, you'll do fine.

If you make excuses about work or kids affecting your success in school, stop! If work or kids are taking up too much of your time, than maybe it's not the right time to focus on school. Things come up, but if you don't meet it head on an create a solution then you won't succeed.

If you always say you're not smart enough, or studious enough, than you won't be. If negative thoughts occupy your mind, there will be a negative output in your work.

If you're comparing yourself to the top students unfavorably, you're hurting yourself. Instead make friends with those students, emulate them, what are they doing that you aren't?

I get so bummed out when I get on these boards and I see many of you being victims. I know I sometimes think if I had a dollar for every time I saw some of you posting that you're not smart enough, or that some professor wronged you, or work or kids or other classes got in the way... well I could probably pay for my education right now.

Based on these board the environment of future nurses of America may be people who "just got by." Of people who are victims of their circumstance.

Personally, I want to be in the company of nurses who are creators. People who aren't victims of their situation, but people who create solutions. People who seek help from those who are more skilled, people who turn complaints into structured requests. Most importantly, people who are self-aware and strive to constantly improve themselves. My hope is that I am surrounded by these people so that we can improve the lives of others.

Hopefully awareness is raised about this, I just want success for everyone who feels like I do for the profession.

I just wanted to let you know that I've done a few things since reading this post.

1.) I emailed it (with credit to you, of course) to my admissions adviser at the school I just got in to. She's forwarding it to all of the instructors for the beginning of the semester (July 8th)

2.) I've put a link up on FB for all of my friends who are "victims" to read, so they can be empowered like me.

3.) I've printed a copy out and tacked it up on my bulletin board that's in my office, so that I can read it whenever I need a pick-me-up.

Thanks so much OP! Not often do members post such wonderful threads, or inspiring threads, but you've done both. Kudos!

I agree with this 100%!! I have 2 kids, 1 has Prader-Willi syndrome, plus I took in my teenage nephew (fresh out of rehab) and became foster parents to another teenage boy in the same rehab all while in nursing school. I also worked, took care of my house etc. it can be done. And I'm proud I did it!

Yeah I think you are right it's good to be positive and have belief in yourself. I think its also impossible to be a superwoman or super Mum and when the time comes that your belief wavers or you are not feeling so strong, that's when the support of your community kicks in. Communities like this one. People should be encouraged to feel that they can communicate their angst, talk through tough situations and just have a cry without people expecting them to just suck it up and get on with it. I think there is room for a balanced view in this discussion. We rely on each other, we work in a caring profession so we need to be as gentle with each other as we are with our patients.

kscaggs126- I am so happy that you found it to be empowering and useful! I hope everyone who reads this becomes aware of what mind set can do for you!

you are absolutely right! I graduate NS with a 3.9 and have a 4.0 right now in grad school. I have delayed having children (which is something i desperately want) to graduate and make a living wage so that they won't have to go without like I did growing up. I have had good professors and bad professors, but it didn't matter to me because I adapted my work into what they wanted. People assumed that I was smarter than them or it came easier to me and that is why I got the grades that I did. Now part of this is true (some people are more academically gifted than others) but I also worked harder than a lot of them. I worked my ass off and have delayed marriage and children to reach my goals. If everyone took your professor's advice about life, as well as studies, this country would be in a hell of a lot better shape than it is. It takes hard work to achieve your goals....there are no shortcuts. We are all on our own journeys and should be more helping than judgmental and everyone deserves to he respected and should be allowed to seek help. But blaming teachers, kids, marriages, students for your shortcomings will keep you victimized and will not help you reach your dreams. Thanks for this post, it definitely needed to be said!!

My problem is that I find myself too often trying to help these people. But I have found out 99% of the time that they don't want help, they don't want to change to do better, they just want to whine and complain and validate their failure. I would get so confused, wondering why don't they just take my advice, or the advice of the instructors, I thought maybe it was me, but now I see that they are perpetual "victims".

We lost half of our class by last semester and all those that failed allowed themselves to be "victims". It was sad to see them go knowing that the outcome could have been different. But then again obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or just thought we did.

Even now when I run into some of them, they are continuing their victim attitude with NCLEX preparation.

WOW!!! Well said! Thanks for posting this, it affirms what some of us already know and hopefully opens the eyes of others!

Hard work, determination and dedication always pays off!!!

Thanks for the inspiration! :yes:

I have to say I do occasionally complain and use "victim" language ("Ugh, I had to work until midnight last night, I hope I don't bomb this exam!") but I also take complete ownership of my work and education, and I do well. I might complain about having to work until midnight the night before the exam, but I also study ahead if I know that's going to happen.

I love this! I think we have all been a victim at one point however, when we are that must change. We all have different lives and different roadblocks and I never judge or compare one persons situation to myself or someone else's. I got stuck with horrible professors this semester. Many classmates failed both classes (micro and physio) but I learned how to deal with the teachers in a blunt but respectful way. I even stuck up for a student who was the only one to step up and ask for more help and he lost it with her. Saying "what about the words coming out if my mouth are confusing to you? " etc. He refused to explain so I had to step up as well. I also quit my job the last two months of school. However, I planned well in advance and saved money prior to leaving. I can go back whenever I'd like. Honestly I signed up for too many classes and didn't want to be the victim ( I heard myself complaining!) So that is what had to be done. Thank you for the reminder.

Sorry for my spelling and grammar errors. Just had my 3rd molars removed and went under general so still a bit "duuur duurrr durrrr" in my head. Haha.

Specializes in PACU, pre/postoperative, ortho.

Reminds me of the poem on a bookmark I've kept for probably 30 yrs in my bible. My father loved the poem so much too, he could recite it at the drop of a hat (along with hundreds of other poems/songs/stories):

Success

If you think you are beaten, you are.

If you think you dare not, you don't!

If you want to win, but think you can't,

It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost;

For out in the world we find

Success begins with a fellow's will;

It's all in the state of the mind.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger and faster man,

But sooner or later the man who wins

Is the man who thinks he can.

Walter D. Wintle

My problem is that I find myself too often trying to help these people. But I have found out 99% of the time that they don't want help, they don't want to change to do better, they just want to whine and complain and validate their failure. I would get so confused, wondering why don't they just take my advice, or the advice of the instructors, I thought maybe it was me, but now I see that they are perpetual "victims".

We lost half of our class by last semester and all those that failed allowed themselves to be "victims". It was sad to see them go knowing that the outcome could have been different. But then again obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or just thought we did.

Even now when I run into some of them, they are continuing their victim attitude with NCLEX preparation.

Agreed. It's draining to constantly try and help these sort of people. I'm all for helping the vulnerable and helpless thus my reason for nursing BUT if one can't make a change or heed the advice of those who they seek then there's nothing more anyone can do.

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