A question for moms...

[reese19]

I am 29, married, and the mother of two young sons (ages 3 and 1). For a year and a half, I have been a SAHM. I have really enjoyed staying home, but we really need more income because we are just "getting by". Also, I want to have a degree that gives me marketable skills for the future when my sons are older. I have a journalism degree, but it is so difficult to find anything fulfilling that pays anything!

Anyway, my question is -- I am starting school this fall, and though I am very excited, I am starting to feel guilty for taking time away from my little boys to do this ... My husband says to think of it in terms of "I am doing this FOR them, to provide more for them in life." I know this is true, but I don't want them to think Mommy is all of a sudden "gone" all the time. I know nursing school is going to take away a lot of the time I am used to spending with them. I guess I just need some encouragement from other moms who are in nursing school ... How should I cope with this guilt? I know my future nursing salary will benefit my children greatly. Is this what you focus on when you miss your children or feel "guilty"? I need to come to terms with all of this soon, before I start school ... otherwise I am afraid I will be unfocused at school because of worrying that I am "abandoning" my sons. Any advice?

Thanks,

Alli

[AmericanChai]

Just another mom here. :) I am a SAHM of a 5yo and a 2yo, the 2yo has special needs (severe reflux and GI issues, weaning off feeding tube, lots of doctor appts) but is also very active and demanding. I have an English degree. I decided to do pre-nursing after realizing it's what I want to do after having a SN child, and because we could use the money. I am studying this summer to test out of math. I study 3 chapters a day. Sometimes it's after the kids are asleep, and sometimes I use the YMCA childcare (free to members as long as they stay at the facility) to study while my kids play for two hours. I am also homeschooling my 5yo, she is at 2nd grade level but has some sensory issues and does better at home. It's a balancing act but like the others have said, I have learned to make my time with my kids count. We have recently gotten rid of TV except videos. I used to spend time watching my shows with my kids playing around me. Now I spend time with them and the TV is off. The studying has made me a better mom, actually, and my house is even more organized because it has to be. I feel better inside than I have in years because I am working on something for *myself*. It will take me 2 years of pre-req's and then there's nursing school. So it will be some years before I'm done but you have to take the first step sometime. I don't want to sit back and look at my life in a few years and wish I had done this. So I'm doing it!

[Gr8ful C]

I think it's key to live well during school also, not put life and family "on hold". If we can enjoy the process then there's no "wasted time". I fall into the trap of thinking "when this is over I can have a life" but I want a life while I'm doing it!

Carolyn

[ALNurse08]

Dear Alli,

Hey, I too felt some apprehension before starting back to college. I am 32 yrs. old, and have two boys ages 11 and 4. I started back to school in Jan. 2005. I have finished all of my basic classes except for Anatomy & Physiology II and Microbiology. I am taking A & P II right now during the summer quarter. My husband works out of state, so basically its just myself and the boys most of the time. Though its hard, I have managed to maintain a 3.35 GPA while in school. Most nights, I don't even get started on homework and studying for exams until after the boys have went to bed. I started back to school because I knew that with my boys getting older, I needed to do something to contribute to my family. My oldest is 11(will be 12 in Feb.), and I'm constantly thinking of the things he will need over the next few yrs. Such as car, proms, graduation, and college. These things will be here before I know it. I am beginning the nursing program this August, and I can't wait. I am so anxious and excited to begin the NP and get my degree so that I can get to work on my career. Please do not think of going back to school as taking away from your children. You will be making a better life for them as well as yourself. My oldest is proud that I am going to college and tells everyone he knows!! Alli, I hope this helps in some way!! Just go for it, don't wait for second chances, sometimes they never come!!! Good luck to u girl!!

Sincerely : )

Michelle

[camschuckie]

Ten years ago I was in your shoes wondering the same thing... I was constantly wondering about the little time I had with my son and after a semester in school I dropped out...And I am honestly telling you that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about how that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Here I am now ten year later and still just "getting by" and at such a young age that my son was; he probably wouldnt have remembered the times I would have missed with him. Now I have three children and two of them are still very yound one is 3 and the other is 1 and I am going back to school for nursing. I just got my acceptance letter on tuesday and although I will miss some time with them I know this is the best thing for them.

[hopefulstudent06]

I can relate. I was mostly at home with my son until I started school. He is 3 now. During my first semester I sent him to a private babysitter. The first 2 weeks I cried everytime I got back into my car. I almost didn't go to my first college class because I couldn't stand to leave him. Then during my second semester he started going to daycare. He went there for close to a year when I started to work for the daycare. The owners and I had many conflicts so I took him out of that daycare and quit my job. Last semester he was going to another daycare. I loved it and so did he. Then I started to work for them at another one of their centers. I ended up taking him out of daycare because the owner really messed up. They wanted us to lie to the state when they came to investigate an accident(not enough teachers in the room but we were supposed to say there were). Now I am out of options. The only other daycare worth sending him to has a long wait list. It is the best one in town. Right now I am at home with him again and I love it. it is going to be hard to go back to school next semester. But I know that it is best for him and my family if I finish with school. If you decide to put your kids in daycare- DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Vistit the center more than once, many times you do not have to tell them when you are coming, talk to the owner, director and teachers, find out how long the teachers have worked with children, the daycare has all of the papers about their liscence, health inspections, state inspections, etc for you to look at. Find out not only the daycare's policy but the way the teachers do things, observe them with the children. Many daycare teachers are people jumping around from job to job, they don't have kids of their own and are only there for a paycheck. You have to be VERY careful when choosing a daycare. I am not trying to scare you. I am just trying to make you aware. Being around other children is good for your child. I think you are doing a wonderful thing with going to school. Your children will thank you for it later. I am sorry that I went on and on about daycare, that is just something that I am going through now and I do not want anyone else to make the same mistakes as I have. Take advantage of the time you have with your children and know that you are doing this for them.