Strange S.O.

  1. Let me start by saying I know there are a myriad of opinions on a man working in ob. I am one who does. My issue was 2 days ago, I went in to help with an induction admission. The husband requested no "guys" when his wife is exposed, so I proceded to put her IV in and left the room. I am still new to this, so I go out of my way to respect this request, and did not intent on helping with that pt. Fast forward to today when the pediatrician made rounds. No female nurses around to make rounds with him, so I help out. We go into this patients room and the husband says, "What don't you understand, sir? We don't want you in here." The ped asked what he missed, and the dad says that hey had problems with me the day of the admission. (the one where all i did was an IV start) Never did he object to the ped on rounds, just me. (he is a guy) The point to this thread? Does it sound like I did anything wrong? I was mad and needed to vent. BTW, the pediatrician came with me to my boss and helped defend me ahead of time in case I get negetive comments from the husband. We found out he was verbally abusive of his wife and ? physical abuse. At least I don't treat my wife that way!

    ps - I love this fieldof nursing and have had all positive experiencesuntil now. I know these things will happen. sorry so long in words!
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  2. 17 Comments

  3. by   Soup Turtle
    The guy sounds like a real jerk.
  4. by   RN007
    Ditto. We have male ob-gyns birthing babies; we need male ob nurses. Hang in there, joeb1. I admire you for doing what you enjoy!
  5. by   Jolie
    I'm sorry you had to deal with this. My advice is to keep a journal at home describing both encounters in detail with as many objective facts as possible. (Date, time, names of people present, statements made by this man, your response, etc.) That way if a complaint is made, you will have information on hand to refresh your memory of the events.

    It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. This guy does indeed sound like a real jerk, and if he has a history of verbally abusing his wife, I'm sure he gets a thrill out of verbally abusing others (you) as well. Speaking to your manager was a good proactive step, as well as having the physician speak on your behalf.

    Unfortunately, you will encounter jerks in this profession, just as in any other field. Your best defense is a good offense. Always have a female escort when examining a patient, report behavior like this to your supervisor, and keep a log of such events for your own records.

    I realize that this woman was not your patient, but I sincerely hope that a social services referral was made.
  6. by   joeb1
    thanks fo the tips. i think i will make a journal, cover my butt type of thing. never a bad idea. of course s.s. consult was made, they wanted to talk to the pt. when dear ol' hubby wasn't around. problem was, he never left her side as long as he new i was there. i find it a bit ironi that he hd no problems with the peds doc being there, even when i had never been around while his wife was, as he said, exposed. oh well, we had two sections this morning, did them both, and the pt.s and hsbands were fine with me. if one doesn't care for me, i'll lose no sleep. thanks guys!
  7. by   daisybaby
    Remember that keeping a journal with specific names & info could be considered a violation of privacy (this was mentioned during our hospital's very extensive, down-to-the-minute-details HIPAA training).

    Additionally, should any of those jerks try to sue you, the prosecuting attorney will ask you if you keep any personal records of patient encounters, and you will have a moral obligation to turn them over. Lawyers will try to make it look like you were doing something unethical by keeping personal records- even though in good faith, you're only trying to protect yourself.

    Above all, keep doing what you're doing. We need good RN's, and you're one of them.
  8. by   MS._Jen_RN
    Sounds like a real jerk with control issues. Hope his wife and baby are OK.
    ~Jen
  9. by   ElvishDNP
    I think the problem was his & not yours. I'm glad there are men out there who want to be OB nurses, and I'd welcome you as mine if I were a patient.
  10. by   grandee3
    Sounds like he's the one that needed to be thrown out. That poor woman and child.
  11. by   Gennaver
    Quote from joeb1
    ...We found out he was verbally abusive of his wife and ? physical abuse. At least I don't treat my wife that way!
    Hi,
    Uh, the poor patient...Her abusive husband probably managed to isolate her from a nurse she really liked, that is what they do, stir junk up.

    So, really, this jerk of an abuser managed to take all the focus AWAY from his wife.

    You are very right, his inconsistancy is transparent, the male doctor can come in but not you...bull hocky.
    Gen
  12. by   Dayray
    I've been a guy working OB for several years now. I strongly believe that patients have a right to make decisions about who their nurses are after all it is their body. That being said I don't agree with the opinions that are used to decide that they don't what a nurse of the opposite gender. Still I respect their right to make choices about there own body.

    A few years ago I decided, If a patient decides they don't want a male nurse I have nothing to do with them. I wont answer their call light wont get them drinks wont even make their chart and defiantly will not go in their room.

    I decided that for several reasons.

    1 I respect their right to make this choice

    2 I do not want a situation like you had. If they don't want me as a nurse how can I know what tasks they see as acceptable for a man to do for them.

    3 once they have said they don't want men I feel I am at risk.

    4 my own personal self respect, either I am a nurse or I am not. If I am not allowed to perform certain tasks then I'm not going to do any.

    On a few occasions I have had to set my rule aside for the sake of the patients well being (life or death) these occasions are thankfully few and far between.

    So my advice is: if a patient says they don't want a male nurse honor that and don't do a thing for them. Once they say that consider your self bared from that room unless the patients life is immediately in danger and even then only if no one else is arnound to help
  13. by   nj1grlcrus
    Gennaver is right on track. He sounds like an abusive husband, and he is isolating her. He bullies anyone that would advocate for her, but he knew he couldn't get rid of the male doctor. As for male OB nurse in general, I don't see why a pt. or family member would object to a male nurse, but choose a male doctor. As for me, I'd take all the nurses I could get, MALE, FEMALE, doesn't matter. I gave birth in a birthing center, and I had two nurses, and a midwife, just hanging with me, it was great!!
  14. by   MissJoRN
    Ugghhh, I don't know why but I got an abusive vibe just from the way he first spoke to you. I'm sure he's hate for his wife to find out that there might be nice men in the world. I think Dayray has a pretty reasonable approach going on.

    By the way- I had three OB nurses caring for me in the first 2 hours of my LD admission- one was nasty and belittling towards me, one was great, and one made a mess of starting my IV and was so happy when she finally got it that she wrapped tape circumferentially and snuggly around my wrist severl times to keep it in place. (I understand that labor changes hemodynamics a bit but I've always been a good stick and was well hydrated) Of course the CRNA was not called to start my epidural until the IV was running and with contractions setting off an autoimmune response, I just sat there and watched without a protest. Who cares what gender the nurse is? Just give me someone with people and technical skills and the ability to think through a situation. I would have welcomed a good nurse of any gender on PP where I was handed a baggie of tylenol and motrin to take as needed and had 2 peri and fundal checks in 30 hours. (Has that much changed since I did PP nursing??)

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