OB--When it's good it's good and when it's not...it's heartbreaking.

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I absolutely love where I work. Being as that we are a small hospital we see usually less than 100 deliveries a month. When things don't go as planned and when new moms and dads have to go home empty handed it sucks. It just plain sucks. When they are full term that is the worst kind of heartbreak. They are so close.

We have a pretty good team on our floor so everyone but maybe one or two has at least some interaction with the patient before they even get to triage. When the moms walk in the door and you can see it in their eyes and you know that they know....it's horrible. I have only been working for 4 full term demises in the last 2 years I have been there. You can kind of disconnect the early miscarriages, the Trisomy 18's, and the other disorders by thinking that the littles ones wouldn't have been able to live or would have had a poor quality of life. But the planned full terms to healthy moms with no appearant reason as to why...ugh...Then watching them leave after the delivery empty handed with the little one still in the room. It's just wrong. I really feel for anyone that has personally lost a little one. I can't imagine having to go home and take apart the babys room, tell friends, etc.

I know you can't ever get used to that but it seems to be hitting me a little harder as I am pregnant myself. I don't want to go into work today.

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Specializes in ER.

My daughter's best friend lost her full term "Perfect" little boy last year. She had a 2 year old and they were both well planned and loved babies. There was no explanation for the death. Mom has had a horrible time dealing with this and is still barely functioning even on anti-depressants. She said she would just curl up and die if it were not for her other child who needs her.

It breaks my heart to see them in such pain. I pray the marriage survives and she is able to handle things better. I lost my husband several years ago and still struggle with it. I can't imagine the sorrow of losing a baby.

Bless all of you who work with these situations. May God give you special strength to offer support.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I'm a geriatric nurse who managed to sneak in an amazing amount of postpartum/OB while I was in acute care, and I honestly do NOT know how y'all do it day in and day out. It's normally the happiest place in the entire hospital, but when a baby goes south........that is the worst!!

Of course, my perspective is colored by the loss of my own second child almost 28 years ago, but I don't recall seeing a dry eye in the room the night we had to code a newborn whose Apgars had been fine initially, but who quickly deteriorated (for what reason, we never knew). We had LifeFlight on its way to transport the baby to a NICU 40 miles away because we didn't have the technology to care for such a sick infant, but she never had a chance........it was over before the chopper ever got there. :crying2:

It was then that I fully appreciated what OB nurses do; and it wasn't long after that I realized that I vastly preferred dealing with folks at the opposite end of life. I've seen dozens of people die in my years as a nurse, but I can handle it because they've lived their lives. Babies and little children dying before they actually get to live? No thank you. I bless all the nurses who do this work!

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Neuro, ICU, travel RN, Psych.

That would be so hard to be the nurse working, dealing with that. I have never had an interest in working oB, but even if I ever did, I would have such a hard time with that. My friend used to do newborn pictures at a hospital for a short time. She ended up quitting because she couldn't handle having to take the pictures of the still borns.

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when I was in Nursing School, there was a term fetal demise the 2nd day of my OB clinical. I knew then that I could never work in OB. I held it together until I got home and saw my own sweet babies and then I cried all night. I also can't work peds. Sick kids break my heart. I would be a mess all of the time.

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Oddly enough I was able to make it the whole shift without crying. The second I stepped off the floor though....I was a mess.

A while back we had two in one day. That never happens (like I said, were pretty small). It was the second and third loss of a child for both moms and both full term. That day was pure hell. The amout of crying visitors- siblings, grandparents, etc- was mentally exhausting. I don't think there was a dry eye on the floor that day.

It doesn't happen often but when it does it shakes you.

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Specializes in labor & delivery.

I hear ya. We recently had 4 in one week...full term. It is the worst part of the job. I honestly don't know how the parents get through it.

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Specializes in ER.

Had a friend who lost her baby to her at 38 weeks. It was heart breaking and sad BUT she said she felt the palpable grief of the staff and felt tremendously comforted that those around her acknowledged the sadness of the moment and treated her and her family with respect.

She said that the staff really helped her through making the initial arrangements for the baby as well and were kind enough to offer her those common momentos: pictures and locks of hair.

I am sure these families feel just as touched by your grief and appreciate the care you gave them in those difficult times. Sadly, its the patients that really need us that break our hearts and yet we feel like we were helpless...

thanks for what you do...

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I work in a level 3 NICU but my first pt death was a beautiful slightly post term baby girl who for whatever unknown reason came out w/o a heart rate. She was resuscitated and we cooled her but she herniated her brain stem and her parents chose for her a life w/o suffering and let her go. I couldn't even walk her parents to the door after that, I said goodbye halfway there, went back to her room, and just scooped her up and held her, sobbing. Those " perfect" ones without an obvious issue are definitely the hardest IMO

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Oddly enough I was able to make it the whole shift without crying. The second I stepped off the floor though....I was a mess.

A while back we had two in one day. That never happens (like I said, were pretty small). It was the second and third loss of a child for both moms and both full term. That day was pure hell. The amout of crying visitors- siblings, grandparents, etc- was mentally exhausting. I don't think there was a dry eye on the floor that day.

It doesn't happen often but when it does it shakes you.

I couldn't make it through reading this without crying. I'd have been a mess.

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Specializes in Med-Surg/Neuro/Oncology floor nursing..

My brothers girlfriend was pregnant with twins and went to term(for twins) they were both seemingly healthy. One was on the smaller side than the other but they were going to be able to go home with mom. Except someone, somewhere missed something and the smaller one died. They wanted to know what happened, why the baby was said to be fine and then just died, so they decided to have an autopsy performed. Turned out the bigger baby took all of the nutrition from the smaller baby while they were developing. My brother and his girlfriend since broken up because they just couldn't look at each other without bursting into tears.

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Specializes in L&D.

I work with a lot of IUFD/neonatal demise families. It is truly heartbreaking, no matter what the gestation! Those unexpected deaths are the absolute worst - no warning - everything was fine, then POOF! No heartbeat. We recently had one that coded while lying skin to skin with the mom in the delivery room - great apgars at birth, everything looking perfect. The nurse went in to do a 15 min check on them, and baby was blue, no heartbeat. (We're wondering if mom fell asleep, because she didn't notice that the baby wasn't breathing, and was blue.) Baby was a full code and shipped out to a higher level NICU (we're a level 3, but we also have a higher level NICU about 20-30 minutes away), and was put on a cooling cap. No clue how the baby did after that.

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