Non-viable baby, born alive -parent won't hold him, what do you do? - page 11

OK, so here's what happened - and it's not the first time we've had this dilemma. We had a pt come in with severe, unmedicated schizophrenia, homeless, and imminently going to deliver a 21-22wk... Read More

  1. by   CatLVNRN
    Quote from Q.
    I agree that one choosing an abortion and one going through an unexpected genetic defect or demise are different, however just because a parent chooses abortion does not mean she doesn't honor the life inside of her. That may very well be how she honors it. Not in all cases, granted, and I've seen callous, selfish women who think NOTHING of using abortion as birth control, but some cases of abortion are done, oddly enough, out of love.

    When I was pregnant and was suspected to be carrying multiples (we weren't sure of how many at that point) my husband and I discussed and did not rule out the possibility of selective reduction in the event that I was carrying entirely too many to be safe for me or for them. At a multiples board I visit, I've seen too many quads and more spontaneously abort due to being crushed in utereo by the other fetuses. As loving parents, we would choose abortion because we love all of our children, but would want to spare them what we would consider pain. Certain defects that are incompatible with life we might also abort ~ again out of love. And if we did abort, obviously we would not want to see the remains.

    I am obviously pro-choice and abhor abortion as a method of birth control; it disgusts me. But remember that not all abortions are done out of lack of honor for the life inside.

    I think I made my post too general and broad. I wouldn't dream of offending or implying that someone who chose to abort due to reasons such as genetic abnormalities or multiples were lacking in love for their child. I was focusing on women and their partners that think little of having an abortion simply because they "aren't ready" or because they didn't really want children in the first place and such. While I am pro-choice, I think far too many women abuse the option to choose, rather than use preventive measures (won't use the pill because they might gain weight, won't use a condom because their partners don't like them, etc). I apologize if I offended anyone in anyway, as it wasn't my intention to do so. This post was about *infants born viable, and left to die* (and not pro-choice/life or abortion in general) so I think the abortion comment struck a nerve and I typed without thinking. Not an excuse, just a reason.
    Last edit by CatLVNRN on Nov 9, '05
  2. by   Q.
    Quote from CatLVNRN
    I think I made my post too general and broad. I wouldn't dream of offending or implying that someone who chose to abort due to reasons such as genetic abnormalities or multiples were lacking in love for their child. I was focusing on women and their partners that think little of having an abortion simply because they "aren't ready" or because they didn't really want children in the first place and such. While I am pro-choice, I think far too many women abuse the option to choose, rather than use preventive measures (won't use the pill because they might gain weight, won't use a condom because their partners don't like them, etc). I apologize if I offended anyone in anyway, as it wasn't my intention to do so. This post was about *infants born viable, and left to die* (and not pro-choice/life or abortion in general) so I think the abortion comment struck a nerve and I typed without thinking. Not an excuse, just a reason.
    No prob, I get it.

    It's awfully hard to write out a response and account for every.single.idea that may come up or be inferred.
  3. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from wannabeL&D73
    The mothers I know who have actually experienced such a loss do not consider it a sick and grotesque mockery, they cherish and treasure the time they had to hold their child, however premature or whatever the deformity. They do not consider it sentimentality, but their only chance to hold and love the baby they hoped and prayed for. And the mothers I have spoken to who chose not to hold their diapered and dressed baby (I don't know anyone who has suffered such a loss who persists in calling it a fetus) have universally expressed regret for not saying goodbye to their child in the way they now wish they would have.

    Of course I would never presume to judge any parent's reaction in such a circumstance, but I don't think that most mothers in that position see dressing and holding their baby as sentimentality, but rather love.

    Shannon

    Edited to add: for the medical professionals, treating a baby who has been born deformed or previable with respect is simply the humane thing to do, not an act of sentimentality.
    I appreciate your post - I'm acquainted with a couple who found out they were pregnant with a child who had multiple birth defects incompatable with life outside the womb. They chose to carry their child to term. The mother gave birth vaginally. They held their child until it's last breath. Sex was indeterminate at birth. They treasure that time.

    steph

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