The most ridiculous birth plans you've had the pleasure of reading - page 3

by PeepnBiscuitsRN

41,963 Views | 170 Comments

I don't know when I became so jaded- I had a birth plan with my son...every single thing went the opposite of what we had wanted (induction, ITN with subsequent pukefest and finally stat section for non reassuring heart rate and... Read More


  1. 0
    Oh my gosh my sentiments exactly!! The flipper comment has me cracking up. So true.


    Quote from monkeybug
    The general consensus at my hospital was this: the longer the birthplan, the quicker you end up in the OR. And if it was laminted, Katy bar the door! that section was usually stat without even time for an initial instrument count.

    I'm all for making a birth experience your own (if we ever had that rare patient that wanted to go natural, I'd end up taking them because I was the most comfortable with natural labors), but I truly believe the doctor in the movie Knocked Up said it best, "You want a special experience? Go to a Jimmy Buffet concert."

    I would usually go through them line by line with the patients, and gently try to point out their dumba$$ery. "We do not wish you to circumsice our son without first discussing it with us." "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, great stupid ones, I always arbitrarily pick out boy babies to circ, and I spirit them away in the dead of night when you are sleeping. Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!" I really don't give one good dang about who gets circed and who doesn't, and I'm certainly not going to risk my license on something like that.

    It reminds me of all the many times I've been asked as I'm about to give medication, "Will that hurt the baby?" OF COURSE it will!! It's our generation's answer to thalidomide, and I'm just drooling in anticipation as I pepare to give your baby flippers! Geesh, what the heck are they thinking? I'm not your enemy, and if you are so convinced that I am, then stay your butt at home!
  2. 1
    Some people need to figure out their expectations and discuss them with their doctor first, let's say, in their first trimester. It is a good idea to find out what the hospital will/will not allow. In many cases, that would be better than a birth plan.

    IMO that would be better for the patient and the hospital staff.
    monkeybug likes this.
  3. 2
    Quote from dariah
    What I don't understand is, if these women do enough research to learn what steri strips and saline locks are, then how come they don't research the hospital's policies to know if that's a place they'd like to give birth?
    I couldn't agree more.

    I did find it disturbing during the labor of my first son that the nurse kept insisting that I get an epidural "because I'd be sorry I didn't, and might want one and it would be too late." She yelled the part that I just typed in quotes. She went as far as to bring in the doctor who puts in the epidurals (sorry, my spelling isn't so good, but I can say the word). This was after I repeatedly told her that I did not want the epidural. I told that doctor that I didn't want an epidural and he looked around the room like "okay, so why am I here?"

    I ended up pushing out my son with the help of a little Demoral to help me sleep. I did about 10 minutes of pushing.
    canoehead and losbozos like this.
  4. 3
    I don't mind birth plans at all, as long as the patient understands that they are just ideals of how their birth could go; but are totally fluid to changing as things change with labor. The more ridged the birth plan the closer the get to a C/S...
  5. 2
    So, what's the problem? Or the harm? Sometimes it seems a little strange but is more that we perceive it as confrontational & questioning our skills? If so, why? And if you think the patients can't see how you're feeling, think again. Birthing is an intensely personal experience that has become increasingly medicalized in the past 60 or so yrs. Welcome the birth plan; invite the parent(s) to detail it for you. Finding common ground is so important & will help the parent(s) have confidence in you. However, I do think it would be helpful for all if the providers could better inform the parents-to-be of the hospitals general routines. All of our babies go skin-2-skin & bf unless they need special attention.
    futureRNicole and Mermaidblues like this.
  6. 2
    pt requesting "clitoral stimulation" from nurse during induction on birth plan=not gonna happen

    that said, most birth plans i am coming across lately have been okay--usually printed off the internet --and i wonder if pts even have any idea of what they are requesting! i just think pts are not educated enough coming into the process and have no idea what they are talking about in 75% of the cases. i'm a childbirth educator, BTW--so biased, here.

    excuse the lack of caps and punctuation--recovering from 3-in-a-row
  7. 3
    plus, i always say in my childbirth classes that birth plans are like Christmas wish lists--you may or may not get everything you want on the list. that seems to lace the idea with some reality! ok, back to bed--
    sharpeimom, Mermaidblues, and canoehead like this.
  8. 3
    Quote from losbozos
    So, what's the problem? Or the harm? Sometimes it seems a little strange but is more that we perceive it as confrontational & questioning our skills? If so, why? And if you think the patients can't see how you're feeling, think again. Birthing is an intensely personal experience that has become increasingly medicalized in the past 60 or so yrs. Welcome the birth plan; invite the parent(s) to detail it for you. Finding common ground is so important & will help the parent(s) have confidence in you. However, I do think it would be helpful for all if the providers could better inform the parents-to-be of the hospitals general routines. All of our babies go skin-2-skin & bf unless they need special attention.
    The only 'problem' I have is that patients read online all the things that they "should" want, and then they come into the hospital with unrealistic expectations because we have admission orders and policies we have to follow. Like someone wanting to waive erythro and vit K? Not gonna happen in my state. Someone wants intermittent monitoring but their attending's not around to write the order? Again, not at my institution. So I feel like it kind of sets up an "us vs. them" mentality, and that patients lose site of the fact that the nurses are on their sides (usually) but we are still bound by policies, laws, and our licenses (as well as the fear of litigation!) I don't mind the idea behind a birth plan, but most of them belong in a birthing center, not at my busy, high-risk facility.

    What I've started doing (I think as a result of advice from this board!) is just reviewing the birth plan with the patient at admission. I try to let her know that many of the things she wants, we want too (immediate skin-to-skin, infrequent SVE, her partner in the room the whole time, etc) but if there's something that's just not going to happen I let her know (Only your primary OB can change that order, so talk to him/her about that; I can only delay the eye drops an hour after birth). That seems to smooth things over and helps to manage expectations.
  9. 1
    Quote from dariah
    What I don't understand is, if these women do enough research to learn what steri strips and saline locks are, then how come they don't research the hospital's policies to know if that's a place they'd like to give birth?
    There's really no way for anyone to do this. How would a patient go about finding out if intermittent monitoring is possible or if iv fluids are required? Especially considering that a patient has the right to refuse anything, even if we coerce them into it. If I call the desk and talk to a nurse I will likely get a different answer depending on who I talk to. Often if a patient asks their provider, the provider will give them an answer they want to hear rather than the truth.

    Many patients are limited in where they can go due to insurance. ACOG and local OB/GYN groups have made it very hard to have birth centers in most places so it is not an option for many people.

    It's oversimplifying greatly to say people should just do their research and pick a better place. It's simply not possible for most people.
    futureRNicole likes this.
  10. 0
    Well, plenty of women I know swap birthing stories and recommend OBs and/or hospitals.
    Ideally, a woman should present her birth plan to her ob/gyn PRIOR to going into labor. They should really be the ones to work through it so that it doesn't all fall on the nurse the day of.

    But, that's also assuming the docs are fully aware of hospital protocol, which sometimes they aren't. :-/
    And it's also assuming patients and docs actually get time to discuss the labor/birth process in their 15 minute prenatal appts. :-/


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