history: my son was delivered in at my home on October 16, 1999 with a lay midwife. I set my sites on becoming a midwife right then and there, my son was bf, not vaxxed, no vit-k, not circumcised, and raised vegetarian. I did not tear.
I started nursing school when Hunter was a year old with the hopes that " well it's hard to get into lay midwifery and build clientelle. maybe I should try L/D and get paid well as a nurse and build experience............... then get out of nursing, build clientelle, and become a lay midwife.
When I did my clinicals in L/D, i cried everyday. Epidurals, catheters,fetal monitors, etc...... This is NOT how I envision birth. It made me sad. ( birth is a natural part of a womans life)
I started nursing school to BE A MIDWIFE!!!!!! now as a new grad i have decided to work in the ED and part time in a psych unit. because working L/D would be awful to me. ( i.e nobody checked my lochia, nobody palpated my fundus)
nursing school has definitely changed me, yet, i've studied all the L/D stuff, and if i ever have another child, I will have the baby at home. I am just mad/frusterated at myself that I thought that nursing would make me a good lay midwife.......and it really won't.
Bottom line, i went to nursing school to learn about birth/intrapartum etc. and the conventional aspect of it really does not appeal to me.
Here I go, as a new grad starting in the ED, when all I really wanna do is be a homebirthing midwife................
I feel weird and frustrated at this point. Yes, i will have a good job that I can support my son and I on. Yes I have a degree, but NO, i want to be a homebirthing midwife. yet nursing school failed me regarding labor and delivery. They taught breast is best woo hoo, but think that vegan moms need more nutrition.
I'm lost. I'm starting a job as an ER nurse, but I really wanna assist moms to deliver in their own homes.
any help, advice encouraging words would be a plus. i still have that "dream" of assisting moms at home, but i really honestly don't know if it will happen..........