? About not breastfeeding - page 12

Hello, I am not looking for a big debate or anything. I just want to know if nurses, in general, look down on moms who choose not to breastfeed. Not because of a medical reason, just because mom... Read More

  1. by   Mrs.S
    Quote from topamicha
    The benefits of breastfeeding remain the same throughout. Are they NECESSARY at age 5? No. Do they disappear at some magic weaning age? Of course not. The 5-year-old recieves the same benefits he did as when he was 2 or 1. Nutrition. Antibodies. Essential fatty acids. Hydration. And so on. The composition of breastmilk changes as the child ages. There is more fat and calories in the breastmilk a 3-year-old recieves as opposed to what a newborn recieves. So he is getting a nutritional bonus. Plus, he is getting protection against infection.

    That isn't to say I think he NEEDS these things at his age. But they certainly don't hurt.

    We give our children cow's milk. That certainly isn't natural or necessary, but we do it. I don't think it's any more odd for a child to be getting human milk at age 5 than it is for him to be drinking cow's milk.

    The WHO recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST 2 years. The AAP recommends it for one years AND as long as parent and child desire. And, as I've said, the worldwide weaning age is 4. Certainly 5 is pushing the envelope, but I don't think the woman deserves to be mocked. As everyone is so fond of saying in this thread, it's her breasts and her child, and if her child is obviously not uncomfortable with it, what's the problem?

    I do agree that it could cause some issues with other children, but she may have weaned before kindergarten. We really don't know.

    In any case, I'm not saying it's ideal to breastfeed to age 5, just saying it isn't terrible, either. Everyone is all for not judging moms who don't breastfeed at all, why is it okay to so freely pass judgement on a woman who breastfeeds to age 5? My point wasn't that it's the best choice, just that it's no worse of a choice that formula feeding, plus as an infant and toddler, the child got the benefits of nursing.
    Wonderful post; I couldn't agree more!
  2. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I think we are talking separate issues. There is no debate about whether breastfeeding benefits infants and toddlers. I do debate it benefits school age children. And it's not the same as feeding a baby formula if bf for some reason can't or won't work out for a given family. We are talking about psychological development at school age. The need for breastmilk OR formula at that age should be moot.
  3. by   Mrs.S
    Deb I definitely respect your opinion, I just think you are missing the point on this one. I don't think anyone is advocating for breastfeeding kids into their school-age years, the point is that we all agree we shouldn't be judging moms based on whether they choose to breastfeed, why is it OK when it somes to how long a mom chooses to nurse?
    I guess in this particular situation, the way the poster described the 5 y/o unbuttoning mom's shirt and helping himself in the middle of a staff meeting, that part of it does sound a little inappropriate to me. But the simple fact that she still breastfeeds doesn't bother me at all. We just don't know enough about her, or her family, or her situation to say "she's just serving her own interests."
    I just don't think anyone can say that breastfeeding at age 5 in and of itself is harmful to a child's development, or that it fosters dependence any more than co-sleeping or home-schooling or other more socially acceptable choices some parents make.
    just my opinion. thanks for listening.
  4. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I am always glad to hear various opinions and respect yours, too. I think we do agree a 5 year old opening up a mom's shirt in a staff meeting is not only distracting for everyone, but highly inappropriate. This is why I feel breastfeeding this long can be a bad idea. NOTE I did not say these are bad parents (unlike some who say those who formula feed are doing a bad thing)---I just say it's inappropriate. And you are right; we are heading in two different directions and I have digressed just a bit.

    Thank you for getting it back on track!
  5. by   geekgolightly
    Quote from Schmoo1022
    Hello,
    I am not looking for a big debate or anything. I just want to know if nurses, in general, look down on moms who choose not to breastfeed. Not because of a medical reason, just because mom chooses not too.
    My friend had a negative experience and feels so guilty for not breast feeding now. In my opinion, I think she is more guilty about not even trying , but she keeps mentioning a comment one of the nurses made.
    Just a general question
    Thanks!
    ive been on the other end, with nurses not much help with breastfeeding, and either way, comments really hurt when one is this vulnerable. new mothers should be treated with utmost care and respect. please tell your friend that she has nothing to be ashamed of. her choice is the best for her and nurses who are judgemental like that are rigid people. breast is best, but it isnt the only thing out there. there are a myriad of reasons for a woman not feeling comfortable with breastfeeding. education is important and so is absolute respect and maintinance of dignity.
  6. by   geekgolightly
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    I am always glad to hear various opinions and respect yours, too. I think we do agree a 5 year old opening up a mom's shirt in a staff meeting is not only distracting for everyone, but highly inappropriate. This is why I feel breastfeeding this long can be a bad idea. NOTE I did not say these are bad parents (unlike some who say those who formula feed are doing a bad thing)---I just say it's inappropriate. And you are right; we are heading in two different directions and I have digressed just a bit.

    Thank you for getting it back on track!
    ps in another thread a couple weeks ago, you said some things that really hit home with me and made me feel comforted. i really really appreciate it. :icon_hug: thank you for bgeing so wonderful. your patients are lucky.
  7. by   GooeyRN
    While I was in the hospital after delivery, one nurse was extremely helpful with trying to breastfeed. She is the one brought in the pump, taught me finger-feeding and was always available. Others were very quick to push formula, and not helpful at all with trying to get the baby to latch. Some just didn't care. But I am grateful for the one nurse who did try very hard to help me. My OB was quick to push formula. After only a few hours of trying she said its ok if BF doesn't work out and that it doesn't work out for many women. That was discouraging. I was hoping that she would have given me some tips instead. She did say that I wouldn't be a bad mother if I gave my baby formula. That did make me feel better, since the one LC from the hospital made me feel terrible about temporarily giving formula through finger-feeding. I still feel bad about not being able to breastfeed from the breast and having to pump. People are so quick to assume that I have intamacy issues and it is my "choice" to pump and bottle feed instead of feeding from the breast. I get angry when those who have successfully breastfed look at me like I have a nose growing out of my forehead when I try to explain that my baby is unable to latch. And now wont even try to from using bottles. But I had to use bottles. I could not feed my baby from a syringe forever! That is very inconvenient and unsanitary if you dont have the ability to wash your hands at feeding times. (Like in the middle of church when the baby is hungry) I know I am rambling, sorry! The primary goal is to feed the hungry baby. Women NEED to do what is best for the baby, themselves, and their family's. No one should make a mom feel guilty for what is best for her situation.
  8. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from geekgolightly
    ps in another thread a couple weeks ago, you said some things that really hit home with me and made me feel comforted. i really really appreciate it. :icon_hug: thank you for bgeing so wonderful. your patients are lucky.

    Thanks for those words. My patients' needs are very important to me. And I am as pro-breastfeeding as they come.:hatparty:
  9. by   BKRN
    Quote from CindyMac58
    Well, here's my two cents' worth:

    Bonding is in no way linked to bottle or breast feeding. I have 3 children I bottle fed. As much as possible, they were held/cuddled/eye to eye, skin to skin contact, as if they were breastfed. We bonded very well. My former sister-in-law breastfed her 2 daughters and absolutely ignored them when she was breastfeeding and has kept up the ignoring, I'll see you when convenient act.

    My youngest sister tried her hardest to breastfeed. She produced hardly any milk. The BF nazis at LaLeche League were adamant she not give youngest a bottle. My mother came to the rescue at 10 days of age - the baby looked pitiful, sounded pitiful. The sound of the first drop of formula hitting the bottom of that empty tummy was pathetic. My sis gave up the breast business and everyone was much, much happier.

    There are so many other things that go into motherhood. Breastfeeding alone does not make a good mom. It's the loving, the touching, the nurturing and trying and doing the best you can do by your baby.

    Supporting and encouraging moms should be our highest priority. Another guilt trip for not breastfeeding - whatever the reason - is not what a new mom needs.
    I so agree with this! I bottle fed both of my kids and they are both healthy, inteligent, loving, beautiful kids (if I do say so myself). With all of the child abuse and neglect we hear about these days-I am just thrilled to hear of parents that care for and love their children and treat them as the precious gifts that they are. I do not feel guilty about not breastfeeding my kids and do not think that any mother should be made to feel that way-especially by her nurse or LC. Give them the facts and all the support for whatever their decision may be!
  10. by   topamicha
    Thank you, Mrs. S I thought I was going to get ripped apart for that post. And, Deb, I'm sorry if I seemed snarky at all.
  11. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Not at ALL. I appreciate healthy and robust debate. It's what makes this place interesting. I am always glad to get dissenting or differing points of view. Sometimes, they make me go "hmmmm" and I do change my mind on some things. I am always trying to learn. The day I quit, may as well bury me.
  12. by   Mrs.S
    Quote from topamicha
    Thank you, Mrs. S I thought I was going to get ripped apart for that post. And, Deb, I'm sorry if I seemed snarky at all.
    :icon_hug:
  13. by   SharonH, RN
    Quote from StuNurseUP
    I am not trying to be abrasive.I don't want moms to be uncomfortable. I am not talking about situations where it is counterproductive to breastfeed; emotional distress, physiological issues, etc. I just want to know why as a society we don't breast feed when we know it is the best. I know a lot of bottle feeders get defensive about this issue, many people try to guilt them and they guilt themselves unnnecessarily. I am not trying to cast blame around on mothers who don't breastfeed. I just think alot of mothers do not get a full education about why and how to breastfeed thier babies. I am trying to advocate for a helpless infant who benefits from mom holding and touching them while they feed. (Many moms, GOOD moms, prop thier baby up with a bottle and do something else) It is good for mom and baby to have this sit-down time. I realize that there are many reasons why some mothers can't breastfeed; that is what formula is for! I don't believe that it should be a an either/or choice. If you need it you should have it, if you don't let your bundle of joy have the benefits that they deserve from mommys wonderful breastmilk. Decreased allergies, fewer ear and respitory infections, decreased rate of childhood CANCER, and decreased rate of diabetes. I am not trying to be abrasive, I just want our future generations to have the best future imaginable. (also according to research: breastfed babies have a higher IQ, even after the population is adjusted for socioeconomic factors)

    I was already a registered nurse when I gave birth to both of my children, I had the information and I simply chose not to breastfeed. Sorry I do not have a good reason. That must hard for some of you to hear.

    Funny thing is, my children have never had a single ear infection. Neither one of them has allergies or asthma. In fact, they are amazingly healthy. They both started walking a week after they turned 10 months old. They are both well-behaved A students. And they are both healthy and normal weights for their age and heights which makes them an increasing minority among their fatter peers most of whom were breastfed. How can that be? Explain that!

    I do not feel guilty and never will. Fortunately, I had nurses who were not judgmental and who did not try to push me. I made my choice clear and that was the end of that. I hope some of you can respect that for your patients.

close