? About not breastfeeding

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

Hello,

I am not looking for a big debate or anything. I just want to know if nurses, in general, look down on moms who choose not to breastfeed. Not because of a medical reason, just because mom chooses not too.

My friend had a negative experience and feels so guilty for not breast feeding now. In my opinion, I think she is more guilty about not even trying , but she keeps mentioning a comment one of the nurses made.

Just a general question

Thanks!

If I had saved it, I would post it for you all to read. In a nutshell, IQ testing is a joke and studies that show a correlation between breastfeeding and higher IQs are simply not credible.

Breastmilk contains essential fatty acids that are essential for brain development. It stands to reason that it would be the optimal food for brain development.

Also, breastfeeding DOES facilitate bonding. Breastfeeding moms get the benefit of oxytocin, which is a "love" hormone.

Also, in reference to the mom breastfeeding her 5 year old...someone said she is serving her own interests ahead of the child's...pretty similar to a mom who chooses to formula feed "just because" - except the child at least gets the benefits of breast milk. The average age for weaning worldwide is 4...while I would never breastfeed a child to age 5, I don't think she necessarily deserves criticism.

When I had my last child, I tried for 2 weeks to breastfeed. I couldn't get her to latch on correctly, she would make the clicking noise each time. She was getting enough milk, but my nipples hurt so much the whole time she was feeding and didn't get much better when she wasn't. So I finally gave up and put her on a bottle. The stress that was created from all the pain was gone and my husband and I were finally able to just enjoy our baby instead of worrying about what we were doing wrong. We had all kinds of people (including nurses) look down on us for our decision. They felt that we should have kept trying, that it would've gotten better eventually. Well, come to find out, our daughter is tongue-tied (the frenulum connecting her tongue to the bottom of her mouth is very tethered, making her tongue have little ability to move like it should). We then went through a trying time of deciding whether or not to have her condition operated on, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, I had feelings of guilt because of comments people made. Nobody should have to go through those feelings because it is your choice how you raise your own child.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Also, in reference to the mom breastfeeding her 5 year old...someone said she is serving her own interests ahead of the child's...pretty similar to a mom who chooses to formula feed "just because" - except the child at least gets the benefits of breast milk. The average age for weaning worldwide is 4...while I would never breastfeed a child to age 5, I don't think she necessarily deserves criticism.

I mean you no disrespect but I have to ask: what truly is the benefit for the CHILD in this in an otherwise well-fed, healthy home--like most American/Western homes? (not talking about famine-prone areas and stricken families)

And what does the child tell his/her playmates at school or in the park or other social occasions?

Either way, it's kind of no-win, from where I sit:

She/he either shares their routine of breastfeeding at age 6, 7, 8 or beyond with play/school mates, and is judged as "weird" and treated as such or...

She/He keeps it a secret, as if it's wrong, to avoid judgement and ridicule from others--something I don't see as very desireable either.

Either way, this is not something I can possibly see in the best interest of a child beyond the toddler/preschool years and yes I do see it as self-serving on the part of a parent at THIS point of child development. This is a point where kids are becoming increasingly independent of parents---the school-age years. I can't see breastfeeding as a healthy way to support that critical developmental task.

While I would never tell anyone the "right" age to wean, I sure hope my three year old weans before 5! :p

I mean you no disrespect but I have to ask: what truly is the benefit for the CHILD in this in an otherwise well-fed, healthy home--like most American/Western homes? (not talking about famine-prone areas and stricken families)

And what does the child tell his/her playmates at school or in the park or other social occasions?

Either way, it's kind of no-win, from where I sit:

She/he either shares their routine of breastfeeding at age 6, 7, 8 or beyond with play/school mates, and is judged as "weird" and treated as such or...

She/He keeps it a secret, as if it's wrong, to avoid judgement and ridicule from others--something I don't see as very desireable either.

Either way, this is not something I can possibly see in the best interest of a child beyond the toddler/preschool years and yes I do see it as self-serving on the part of a parent at THIS point of child development. This is a point where kids are becoming increasingly independent of parents---the school-age years. I can't see breastfeeding as a healthy way to support that critical developmental task.

The benefits of breastfeeding remain the same throughout. Are they NECESSARY at age 5? No. Do they disappear at some magic weaning age? Of course not. The 5-year-old recieves the same benefits he did as when he was 2 or 1. Nutrition. Antibodies. Essential fatty acids. Hydration. And so on. The composition of breastmilk changes as the child ages. There is more fat and calories in the breastmilk a 3-year-old recieves as opposed to what a newborn recieves. So he is getting a nutritional bonus. Plus, he is getting protection against infection.

That isn't to say I think he NEEDS these things at his age. But they certainly don't hurt.

We give our children cow's milk. That certainly isn't natural or necessary, but we do it. I don't think it's any more odd for a child to be getting human milk at age 5 than it is for him to be drinking cow's milk.

The WHO recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST 2 years. The AAP recommends it for one years AND as long as parent and child desire. And, as I've said, the worldwide weaning age is 4. Certainly 5 is pushing the envelope, but I don't think the woman deserves to be mocked. As everyone is so fond of saying in this thread, it's her breasts and her child, and if her child is obviously not uncomfortable with it, what's the problem?

I do agree that it could cause some issues with other children, but she may have weaned before kindergarten. We really don't know.

In any case, I'm not saying it's ideal to breastfeed to age 5, just saying it isn't terrible, either. Everyone is all for not judging moms who don't breastfeed at all, why is it okay to so freely pass judgement on a woman who breastfeeds to age 5? My point wasn't that it's the best choice, just that it's no worse of a choice that formula feeding, plus as an infant and toddler, the child got the benefits of nursing.

Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, LTC.

I understand why some mom's don't breastfeed. My baby was a few weeks early, low birthweight, very sleepy, jaundiced, and couldn't latch or suck. I met with 2 lactation consultants. The first was not helpful at all, and acted like I did a terrible thing by giving my little one formula (finger fed, no bottles) at first due to nothing coming out when I pumped. What was I suppossed to do, let her bili levels continue to rise? :crying2: The second LC was much more understanding. My child is now 12 weeks and still cant latch. I use a breast pump to express milk. I am fortunate to not need to work right now. So if someone has to work, this is not an option. Pumping does not empty the breasts like a baby does, so you need to pump more often than a baby feeds. I pump 12 times a day, (that is every hour and forty minutes, around the clock) and it takes ~20 minutes each time. That adds up to a few HOURS a day. Combine that with the time to feed the child, change, and cudddle. my child only leaves my arms when she is sleeping or she screams. Its exhausting. I don't get much sleep. Its not easy to hold a child while pumping. My hospital grade pump (needed for exclusive pumping) goes for $700. You need to purchase bottles and replace pump parts periodically. So far I invested over $1000 in doing this. Then the pump parts have to be sterilized daily, and washed well inbetween usings. Anyone who needs to work or wants to leave the house ever can not do this. I am VERY fortunate to have a supportive husband to help with feedings in the evening and overnight so I get a rest. During the day while my husband works I am lucky to get a bathroom break or two. Not everyone is so fortunate with finances and support. I know breast milk is best, (and thats why I go through this) but I understand when women choose to use formula instead of exclusivly pumping when breastfeeding does not work out.

After reading these posts I felt that I must respond for all those non-breastfeeding women out there. I delivered my baby 5 days before my last semester of nurse practitioner school began. I had decided early on that I was not even going to attempt to breastfeed. Sure, I got flack from my nurse colleagues but oh well. It's my body, my baby, and my lifestyle. I was too busy attending classes 2 hours from home, working 2 days/week, and doing clinicals 40-50 hours/week. I didn't want to even deal with breastfeeding for the five days before the new semester began because I knew it would make it that much harder for the milk to dry up. Nonetheless, I graduated on time and my baby turned out JUST FINE. As a nurse practitioner, I advocate that breastfeeding should be left up to the individual period. By the way, purple cabbage leaves do wonders for drying the milk up fast as well as helping with the swelling and soreness of engorgement.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

TY for the wise words, ACNP and welcome to the OB/GYN/Midwifery Boards. I see you are a new member here. Glad to have you on board. Hope to hear more from you soon.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
The benefits of breastfeeding remain the same throughout. Are they NECESSARY at age 5? No. Do they disappear at some magic weaning age? Of course not. The 5-year-old recieves the same benefits he did as when he was 2 or 1. Nutrition. Antibodies. Essential fatty acids. Hydration. And so on. The composition of breastmilk changes as the child ages. There is more fat and calories in the breastmilk a 3-year-old recieves as opposed to what a newborn recieves. So he is getting a nutritional bonus. Plus, he is getting protection against infection.

That isn't to say I think he NEEDS these things at his age. But they certainly don't hurt.

We give our children cow's milk. That certainly isn't natural or necessary, but we do it. I don't think it's any more odd for a child to be getting human milk at age 5 than it is for him to be drinking cow's milk.

The WHO recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST 2 years. The AAP recommends it for one years AND as long as parent and child desire. And, as I've said, the worldwide weaning age is 4. Certainly 5 is pushing the envelope, but I don't think the woman deserves to be mocked. As everyone is so fond of saying in this thread, it's her breasts and her child, and if her child is obviously not uncomfortable with it, what's the problem?

I do agree that it could cause some issues with other children, but she may have weaned before kindergarten. We really don't know.

In any case, I'm not saying it's ideal to breastfeed to age 5, just saying it isn't terrible, either. Everyone is all for not judging moms who don't breastfeed at all, why is it okay to so freely pass judgement on a woman who breastfeeds to age 5? My point wasn't that it's the best choice, just that it's no worse of a choice that formula feeding, plus as an infant and toddler, the child got the benefits of nursing.

The only way I say "worse" is I do believe it's not good for the development of a child approaching school age to still be breastfeeding. I respect your opinion here, hope you can do the same. Have a good day.

I understand why some mom's don't breastfeed. My baby was a few weeks early, low birthweight, very sleepy, jaundiced, and couldn't latch or suck. I met with 2 lactation consultants. The first was not helpful at all, and acted like I did a terrible thing by giving my little one formula (finger fed, no bottles) at first due to nothing coming out when I pumped. What was I suppossed to do, let her bili levels continue to rise? :crying2: The second LC was much more understanding. My child is now 12 weeks and still cant latch. I use a breast pump to express milk. I am fortunate to not need to work right now. So if someone has to work, this is not an option. Pumping does not empty the breasts like a baby does, so you need to pump more often than a baby feeds. I pump 12 times a day, (that is every hour and forty minutes, around the clock) and it takes ~20 minutes each time. That adds up to a few HOURS a day. Combine that with the time to feed the child, change, and cudddle. my child only leaves my arms when she is sleeping or she screams. Its exhausting. I don't get much sleep. Its not easy to hold a child while pumping. My hospital grade pump (needed for exclusive pumping) goes for $700. You need to purchase bottles and replace pump parts periodically. So far I invested over $1000 in doing this. Then the pump parts have to be sterilized daily, and washed well inbetween usings. Anyone who needs to work or wants to leave the house ever can not do this. I am VERY fortunate to have a supportive husband to help with feedings in the evening and overnight so I get a rest. During the day while my husband works I am lucky to get a bathroom break or two. Not everyone is so fortunate with finances and support. I know breast milk is best, (and thats why I go through this) but I understand when women choose to use formula instead of exclusivly pumping when breastfeeding does not work out.

That is awesome that you have been able to provide breastmilk to your child for so long! Exclusively pumping is a huge committment--I did it for 4 months before my 33-weeker with Down syndrome got the hang of nursing. I was never so happy as the day I put that pump away!

I just wanted to give some encouragement to moms considering pumping when breastfeeding doesn't work out. My baby had several drs. appts/therapy appts. a day for those 4 months while I was pumping--on top of transporting my older daughter to from school etc. So we did leave the house frequently and I spent a lot of time pumping in the car. Was it easy? NO! I hated it! But I also knew the benefits of breastmilk were huge. And because I kept up my milk supply, when he was ready to breastfeed, we could. For me personally, it was incredibly rewarding to be able to nurse him. And even if he would never have been able to, it comforted me to know that I was doing something that would be beneficial to him. Now, my limit would have absolutely been 6 months...it is exhausting and draining and a gigantic pain and I know I wouldn't have kept it up beyond that. But I do have a friend who exclusively pumped for her baby with a cleft palate for a year while she was working, so it can be done. Also, I just rented the hospital grade pump--we definately couldn't have afforded to spend $700! Oh, and I also didn't pump as frequently...that would have worn me out, although it would clearly have increased my supply. I just pumped after every time I fed the baby.

So exclusively pumping is a challenge...but it is doable, even for those working etc.

Shannon

Specializes in postpartum, nursery, high risk L&D.
The benefits of breastfeeding remain the same throughout. Are they NECESSARY at age 5? No. Do they disappear at some magic weaning age? Of course not. The 5-year-old recieves the same benefits he did as when he was 2 or 1. Nutrition. Antibodies. Essential fatty acids. Hydration. And so on. The composition of breastmilk changes as the child ages. There is more fat and calories in the breastmilk a 3-year-old recieves as opposed to what a newborn recieves. So he is getting a nutritional bonus. Plus, he is getting protection against infection.

That isn't to say I think he NEEDS these things at his age. But they certainly don't hurt.

We give our children cow's milk. That certainly isn't natural or necessary, but we do it. I don't think it's any more odd for a child to be getting human milk at age 5 than it is for him to be drinking cow's milk.

The WHO recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST 2 years. The AAP recommends it for one years AND as long as parent and child desire. And, as I've said, the worldwide weaning age is 4. Certainly 5 is pushing the envelope, but I don't think the woman deserves to be mocked. As everyone is so fond of saying in this thread, it's her breasts and her child, and if her child is obviously not uncomfortable with it, what's the problem?

I do agree that it could cause some issues with other children, but she may have weaned before kindergarten. We really don't know.

In any case, I'm not saying it's ideal to breastfeed to age 5, just saying it isn't terrible, either. Everyone is all for not judging moms who don't breastfeed at all, why is it okay to so freely pass judgement on a woman who breastfeeds to age 5? My point wasn't that it's the best choice, just that it's no worse of a choice that formula feeding, plus as an infant and toddler, the child got the benefits of nursing.

Wonderful post; I couldn't agree more!

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