Strangest thing you've heard a co-worker or patient say? - page 8

Today, from a charge nurse, after he evaluated a patient's lung sounds (and let me listen; "textbook wheezes" with some crackles): "It sounds like her lungs are playing 'The Devil Went Down to... Read More

  1. by   muzzy
    This came from a schizophrenic patient in a state hospital. I will never forget him.
  2. by   Hilinenursegrl
    Quote from fatiguedRN
    How about waking up a patient introducing yourself as the nurse and being asked in return, "What tribe do you come from?"
    This wouldn't seem to strange in my place of work, as I work in an Indian Health Services Hosptal, and I HAVE has this question asked to me. To which I have to reply," None, some don't like that"
  3. by   Hilinenursegrl
    Quote from Butterfliesnroses
    I have a ton of stories but I'll share a few...

    I have a lady that frequently asks me to scratch her Y2K (vagina)...LOL

    I had a lady who I was toileting. We were blocked in the BR by her w/c, another aide was on standby. I gave her toilet paper and she was stood up wiping herself. I asked if she needed help (she was unsteady and having issues). She tried rubbing the dirty toilet paper in my face and yelled why do you want to smell it. I JUMPED over the w/c and went running! This same lady crawled out a window and went to a convience store and was throwing candy on the floor yelling for help because we had her captive. LOL.

    I had a resident who worshipped the devil/belonged to a cult. He was dying. The nurse told me I needed to leave the light on so he knew to go towards the light. I asked her if this was medically necessary. She just looked at me.

    I had a lady who yelled FIRE! at the top of her lungs. I go running to her room. I say where is the fire. She said FIRE my crotch is on fire, put it out NOW...

    Those are just a few!
    I about died laughing at this one. Pictures of a tiny LOL flicking Charmin in your face like a devil!!! OMG you made my night, TY.
  4. by   nursespunky
    Took care of an 80 something year old lady who'd had bladder surgery through the urethra. She said "It's been YEARS since I've had anything down there. That doc just made himself at home!" I replied "I bet he didn't even buy you dinner first!" The tech added "Honey you deserved dinner a movie AND a night at the Holiday Inn!!" The pts reply "I sure as hell did!!! He owes me!!" We all cracked up!!
  5. by   MADHAT6
    I had a man say to me " i have been fired from over two hundred jobs for my excellence,now do you think that's right ?" and then he proceeded to tell staff how they should be doing their jobs and we understood
  6. by   teeniebert
    As Camp Health Supervisor, from a camper who kept coming in with vague complaints (I think she just wanted to sleep in the infirmary where there was an electric fan and a radio):

    "The mosquitoes are out to get me, and they know where my tent is. If I'm here, they won't be able to find me!"

    :smackingf
  7. by   sweetsmiles10363
    yeah for the CCU!!

    H&P from a severe COPD'er: 'pt states last cigarette 1-2 hrs ago, but denies any attempt to kill himself'

    "**** happens. sometimes it happens before you can get your pants down"

    Rectotomy: cutting the nerve connecting your eyes to your rectum so you don't have a ****** outlook on life

    Propofol: nursing and pharmacy's date rape drug (LOL)

    "that's the sound of wild sputum"

    "sometimes you know your in before you even poke them" ---IV's!!!

    "life is always better with a sparkling laxative"

    "I'm balls deep with the suction and still can't get a gag"

    "what did the pt overdose on?" "Tylenol PM. that's why he's asleep"

    "we don't get paid anymore to be upset"

    (new admit) "we'll just gang bang her"

    "pt came back from surgery a little oozy" "what kind of close did they do?" "she was naked"
  8. by   doe9181
    My co-worker had a patient once and she had to put a FOley catheter in her. When she went to put it in the women said "It's been awhile since anyone's been down there and I'm not gonna lie, it feels pretty good." :uhoh21:
    My co-worker said she had to bite her tongue really hard to stop herself from laughing.
  9. by   CseMgr1
    For those of us who are old enough to remember "Laugh-In":

    My Mom was back in her hospital room snoring away, following a bronchcoscopy (they used general anesthesia for everything, back in those days). Anyway, my Step-Grandmother and I were sitting at her bedside talking....when she suddenly sat straight up in bed, looked at us and announced, deadpan: "I feel like ***CENSORED***, and if you don't believe me, look that up in your Funk and Wagnall's".

    We got hysterical. Seconds later my Mom lay back down and was snoring again...like nothing ever happened, and had no recollection of what she had said.
  10. by   island40
    Chronically mentally ill client asked me to help him find a girlfriend for the begining of the week because he couldn't wait until Friday for sex. I passed this request on to his social worker telling her that it was not in my educational background to pimp for the clients.
  11. by   Babs0512
    I had an 80 year old woman tell me, as I was putting in her Foley catheter, "My husband always said, when the front door is painted red, use the back door" I nearly choked on my own secretions I laughed so hard.
  12. by   blkgurlwithwings
    Quote from Babs0512
    I had an 80 year old woman tell me, as I was putting in her Foley catheter, "My husband always said, when the front door is painted red, use the back door" I nearly choked on my own secretions I laughed so hard.
    Think I'm gonna be ill....lol
  13. by   Melinurse
    Had a cute older woman ( 90 pounds ) with Alzheimer's. I had to do a dressing change on her foot. So after I took the old dressing off she starts " kicking " and says, " I'm going to kick your a**!!!" I told her she'd have to wait till after the dressing change. To my amazement she lay still for the rest of the treatment and then afterwards says, " you're the nicest one here at the airport." LMAO.

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