Strangest thing you've heard a co-worker or patient say?

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Today, from a charge nurse, after he evaluated a patient's lung sounds (and let me listen; "textbook wheezes" with some crackles): "It sounds like her lungs are playing 'The Devil Went Down to Georgia!'" ;)

Specializes in Extended Care, Med/Surg , Palliative,.
ummm - not to be indelicate - but he doesn't have a lisp by any chance, does he? :chuckle

omg :chuckle thanks for the laugh...he does have an accent, but it would never make a "sp_" sound turn into a "sh" sound...but you wanna bet that's where our minds kept going...lol

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omg... that is hilarious!!!

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Specializes in Neurosurgical, Trauma, Medical ICU, CVR.

I had a patient on a PCA of Dilaudid....at a VERY high rate. At 3:15am I went into draw her blood. She was talking....I asked who she was talking to. She had the phone up to her ear. She pointed at the tv, and stated "They get me everytime".....Wait....what? She was ordering an Orek vaccume cleaner. I had to tell the phone operator that the patient would have to call her back once she was discharged! LMAO.

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There's quite a story that goes along with this one. Names were changed, of course.

I'm a CNA at a retirement home, and this particular night I was working the evening and noc shift. There's a very sweet and mildly demented lady who lives in the facility. She's civil and quiet and kind, but doesn't remember what she ate for breakfast! On this day we didn't see her at dinner with the other residents.

Since dinner is usually the best time to pass meds, we missed giving her her pills. We go up to her room and knock on the door. "Marie? Ms. Marie?" I turn the knob and walk in to hear her say "Oh no honey wait!" Ms. "Marie" is standing near her bed stark naked, with TWO sets of clothes neatly folded and placed on a nearby chair. "Just a minute honey!" she says. I withdraw myself from her room just in time to see a second pair of manly legs moving around in her bed.

I was stunned, but after thinking about what I had just scene I dissolved into giggles at the mental image: two short little old people taking off their clothes and neatly folding them and putting them to the side before copulating awkwardly.

Of course I HAD to tell my coworker on the night shift. She was OBSESSED with finding out who she had slept with. Watching her the whole night was funnier than the scandal between Ms. "Marie" and her companion. She looked for EVERY excuse to try and check in and see who the mystery man was.

Finally, after a night of wondering and guessing, we saw Ms. Marie on her way to breakfast in the dining room. My coworker stopped her and gushed, "Marie, who was your visitor last night? I'm dying to know!!"

Marie looked at her very innocently and said, "I don't know honey, but he was very clean."

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Specializes in Psychiatric,QI and Informatics, Ambulato.

"Talking to you is like arguing with a huge rabbit."

I was speechless.

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...why a rabbit?

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Please tell me that was a patient and NOT staff (re: rabbit remark)!

I, too am speechless regarding the elderly fornicators.

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Specializes in Psychiatric,QI and Informatics, Ambulato.

This came from a schizophrenic patient in a state hospital. I will never forget him.

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Specializes in Emergency/Trauma.
How about waking up a patient introducing yourself as the nurse and being asked in return, "What tribe do you come from?:p"

This wouldn't seem to strange in my place of work, as I work in an Indian Health Services Hosptal, and I HAVE has this question asked to me. To which I have to reply," None, some don't like that"

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Specializes in Emergency/Trauma.
I have a ton of stories but I'll share a few...

I have a lady that frequently asks me to scratch her Y2K (lady parts)...LOL

I had a lady who I was toileting. We were blocked in the BR by her w/c, another aide was on standby. I gave her toilet paper and she was stood up wiping herself. I asked if she needed help (she was unsteady and having issues). She tried rubbing the dirty toilet paper in my face and yelled why do you want to smell it. I JUMPED over the w/c and went running! This same lady crawled out a window and went to a convience store and was throwing candy on the floor yelling for help because we had her captive. LOL.

I had a resident who worshipped the devil/belonged to a cult. He was dying. The nurse told me I needed to leave the light on so he knew to go towards the light. I asked her if this was medically necessary. She just looked at me.

I had a lady who yelled FIRE! at the top of her lungs. I go running to her room. I say where is the fire. She said FIRE my crotch is on fire, put it out NOW...

Those are just a few!

I about died laughing at this one. Pictures of a tiny LOL flicking Charmin in your face like a devil!!! OMG you made my night, TY.

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Took care of an 80 something year old lady who'd had bladder surgery through the urethra. She said "It's been YEARS since I've had anything down there. That doc just made himself at home!" I replied "I bet he didn't even buy you dinner first!" The tech added "Honey you deserved dinner a movie AND a night at the Holiday Inn!!" The pts reply "I sure as hell did!!! He owes me!!" We all cracked up!!

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I had a man say to me " i have been fired from over two hundred jobs for my excellence,now do you think that's right ?" and then he proceeded to tell staff how they should be doing their jobs and we understood

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