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Remember geriatric chairs? We used to Posey our wanderers into a geri chair for the day. Only ours didn't have brakes, and one old guy named Juan used to be able to push himself around the unit with his tippy toes. Backward. We'd put him out by the nurse's station on busy days, and everyone would sort of keep an eye on him -- even the house staff who all knew him well.

One particularly busy day, there were two codes going on at once and everyone was involved with one or the other of them. Juan scooted himself off the unit in his geri chair, and was found at the doorway to the firestairs trying to get the door open. The nursing supervisor brought him back. The next time, a patient's family member went to get the unit secretary, who pulled an NA out of a code to bring Juan back. The third time, a Harvard medical student encountered the nice old man Posey'd into a geri chair trying to open the door to the stairs. I'm sure he thought he was being helpful when he opened the door for the Juan and held it for him.

The next day when I came back to work, Juan was Poseyd in a geri chair wearing a cast over his entire torso and both shoulders. The toes still worked fine, though. I was determined not to have a repeat accident on MY shift, so the NA and I Poseyed Juan into the chair, and tied the chair to the sink in his room. The first sign that that may not have been a wise choice was when there was a loud crash followed by the sounds of gushing water and a flood pouring out of Juan's room. By the time I got there, Juan was propelling himself backward out of his room, dragging the sink. The housekeepers were not amused. Nor were the plumbers!

After that, we tied the chair to the handrail in the halls -- you know -- the ones patients are supposed to hang on to as they ambulate in the halls. Another poor decision. The rail wasn't attached to anything but dry wall . . . and following another loud crash (and some excited shouting) we found Juan propelling himself down the hall dragging the railing and a large chunk of dry wall. The carpenters were not amused. Nor was the couple in the room on the OTHER side of the dry wall . . . they were engaging in some long-postponed marital relations when Juan's removing a chunk of drywall exposed them to the entire unit!

Sadly, Juan's trip down the stairs backward ultimately caused his demise. He got a pressure sore under his cast, became septic, went into septic shock and arrested. We couldn't saw him out of the cast fast enough to start CPR in a timely fashion . . .