Moses & God on the Computer

  1. [font=monotype corsiva][font='monotype corsiva']moses & the lord


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    [color=#8080c0][color=#8080c0][font='comic sans ms']"excuse me, sir."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"is that you again, moses?"
    [font='comic sans ms']"i'm afraid it is, sir."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"what is it this time, moses; more computer problems?"[font='comic sans ms']"how did you guess?"

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"i don't have to guess, moses. remember ?"[font='comic sans ms']

    "oh, yes; i forgot."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"tell me what you want, moses."
    [font='comic sans ms']
    "but you already know, sir. remember?"

    [font=copperplate gothic bold][font='copperplate gothic bold']"moses!"[font='comic sans ms']

    "sorry, sir."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"well, go ahead, moses; spit it out."
    [font='comic sans ms']"well, i have a question, sir. you know those ten 'things' you sent me via e-mail?"

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"you mean the ten commandments, moses?"
    [font='comic sans ms']"that's it. i was wondering if they are important."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"what do you mean 'if they are important,' moses? of course, they are important. [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']otherwise, i would not have sent them to you."
    [font='comic sans ms']
    "well, sorry, sir, but i lost them. i could say the dog ate them; but, of course, you would see right through that."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"what do you mean you 'lost them'? are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, moses?"
    [font='comic sans ms']
    "no, sir; i forgot."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"you should always save, moses."[font='comic sans ms']
    [font='comic sans ms']
    "yes, i know. you told me that before. i was going to save them, but i forgot. i did forward them to some people before i lost them though."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"and did you hear back from any of them?"[font='comic sans ms']"you already know i did. there was the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not.' may he change the words a little bit?"
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"yes, moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."
    [font='comic sans ms']"and what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the 'ten suggestions,' or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"[font='comic sans ms']

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"moses, i will act as if i did not hear that."[font='comic sans ms']"i think that means 'no.' well, what about the guy who said i was scamming him?"
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"i think the term is 'spamming,' moses."[font='comic sans ms']"oh, yes. i e-mailed him back and told him i don't even eat that stuff, and i have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"and what did he say?"
    [font='comic sans ms'][font='comic sans ms']"you know what he said. he used your name in vain. you don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason i lost those ten 'things', do you?"
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"they are not plagues; they are called 'viruses,' moses."
    [font='comic sans ms']"whatever! this computer stuff is just too much for me. can we go back to those stone tablets? it was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least i never lost them."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"we will do it the new way, moses;[font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light'] using computers!!"
    [font='comic sans ms']"i was afraid you would say that, sir."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"moses, what did i tell you to do if you messed up?"[font='comic sans ms']"you told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']"it's a mouse, moses, not a rat. mouse! mouse!
    and did you do that?"
    [font='comic sans ms']"no, i decided to try calling technical support first. after all, who knows more about this stuff than you? and i really like your hours. by the way, sir, did noah have two of these mice on the ark?"[font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']

    "no, moses."

    [font='comic sans ms']"one other thing. why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice,' because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"[font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']

    "i did not name them, moses. man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to."

    [font='comic sans ms']"oh, that explains it. i bet some woman told adam to call it a mouse. after all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'apple?'"
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']
    "say good night, moses."

    [font='comic sans ms']"wait a minute, sir. i am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font='copperplate gothic light']
    "which ones are they, moses?"

    [font='comic sans ms']"let me see.
    'thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and
    'thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'"
    "turn the computer off, moses.
    i'm sending you another set of stone tablets."



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  2. 3 Comments

  3. by   ExquisiteRevelation
    :chuckle This is great, thanks for sharing. I'm sending it to a friend of mine, I know she'll enjoy it too!
  4. by   TxMeadowsLVN
    Quote from franemtnurse
    [font=monotype corsiva][font=monotype corsiva]moses & the lord






    <table class=msonormaltable style="width: 96.6%" cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 width="96%" border=0><tbody><tr><td style="padding-right: 0in; padding-bottom: 0in; width: 100%; padding-top: 0in" width="100%">




    <table class=msonormaltable id=mod_edimaintable cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 border=0><tbody><tr><td id=mod_editextregion style="padding-right: 1.5pt; padding-bottom: 1.5pt; width: 100%; padding-top: 1.5pt" width="100%">
    [color=#8080c0][color=#8080c0]"excuse me, sir."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"is that you again, moses?"
    "i'm afraid it is, sir."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"what is it this time, moses; more computer problems?""how did you guess?"

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"i don't have to guess, moses. remember ?"

    "oh, yes; i forgot."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"tell me what you want, moses."

    "but you already know, sir. remember?"

    [font=copperplate gothic bold][font=copperplate gothic bold]"moses!"

    "sorry, sir."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"well, go ahead, moses; spit it out."
    "well, i have a question, sir. you know those ten 'things' you sent me via e-mail?"

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"you mean the ten commandments, moses?"
    "that's it. i was wondering if they are important."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"what do you mean 'if they are important,' moses? of course, they are important. [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]otherwise, i would not have sent them to you."

    "well, sorry, sir, but i lost them. i could say the dog ate them; but, of course, you would see right through that."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"what do you mean you 'lost them'? are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, moses?"

    "no, sir; i forgot."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"you should always save, moses."

    "yes, i know. you told me that before. i was going to save them, but i forgot. i did forward them to some people before i lost them though."

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"and did you hear back from any of them?""you already know i did. there was the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not.' may he change the words a little bit?"
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"yes, moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."
    "and what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the 'ten suggestions,' or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"

    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"moses, i will act as if i did not hear that.""i think that means 'no.' well, what about the guy who said i was scamming him?"
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"i think the term is 'spamming,' moses.""oh, yes. i e-mailed him back and told him i don't even eat that stuff, and i have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"and what did he say?"
    "you know what he said. he used your name in vain. you don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason i lost those ten 'things', do you?"
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"they are not plagues; they are called 'viruses,' moses."
    "whatever! this computer stuff is just too much for me. can we go back to those stone tablets? it was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least i never lost them."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"we will do it the new way, moses;[font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light] using computers!!"
    "i was afraid you would say that, sir."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"moses, what did i tell you to do if you messed up?""you told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]"it's a mouse, moses, not a rat. mouse! mouse!
    and did you do that?"
    "no, i decided to try calling technical support first. after all, who knows more about this stuff than you? and i really like your hours. by the way, sir, did noah have two of these mice on the ark?"[font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]

    "no, moses."

    "one other thing. why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice,' because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"[font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]

    "i did not name them, moses. man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to."

    "oh, that explains it. i bet some woman told adam to call it a mouse. after all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'apple?'"
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]
    "say good night, moses."

    "wait a minute, sir. i am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back."
    [font=copperplate gothic light][font=copperplate gothic light]
    "which ones are they, moses?"

    "let me see.
    'thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and
    'thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'"
    "turn the computer off, moses.
    i'm sending you another set of stone tablets."







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    love this~!! passing it on
  5. by   danu3
    This reminded me of a Far Side (I think it was Far Side) cartoon. You have Moses telling God "God, you got to do better than this!". In the cartoon, you see only one stone tablet and only one commandment "Behave Thyself".

    Guess that is how we got the 10 commandments afterwards...


    -Dan

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