Man---Woman Thing

  1. ----- I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much.
    And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

    FOR EXAMPLE:
    One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
    We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept.
    store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.
    She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

    I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile..
    You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
    •  
  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   Still Riding
    I wouldn't have sex with you for those comments either. I would be so mad.
  4. by   txspadequeenRN
    THAT IS FUNNY




    Quote from TitaniaSidhe
    ----- I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much.
    And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

    FOR EXAMPLE:
    One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
    We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept.
    store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.
    She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

    I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile..
    You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
  5. by   malenurse1
    Quote from TitaniaSidhe
    ----- I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much.
    And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

    FOR EXAMPLE:
    One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
    We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept.
    store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.
    She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

    I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile..
    You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
    HA HA HA HA!!! :chuckle That is WAY to funny!!!
  6. by   AmyB
    That was GREAT!!!
  7. by   Havin' A Party!
    Good one, Titania!

    Hey, to paraphrase the old adage, what's good for the gal is good for the guy, right?!?!

    After all, it's only fair... equality, I say.
  8. by   Altra
    GREAT!!!!

    Hoping you two manage to get your ... needs ... better in sync.
  9. by   Audreyfay
    You didn't really do that, did you?
  10. by   Audreyfay
    Just like....why buy the cow if the milk is free, and why buy the entire meat market if the sausage is free?
  11. by   TitaniaSidhe
    I am female here folks, I just thought it was funny & wanted to share the chuckle...
  12. by   Shed13911
    That is one of the funnier stories that I have heard in quite a while!!LOL
  13. by   gotaluvtheER
    Too funny! :chuckle
  14. by   Audreyfay
    ...and here I was ready to go on a man-bashing spree! I thought it was funny, and somewhat true. But I would imagine that it COULD be used. I had a hard time believing that a guy would actually do that, unless he was ready for a fight or divorce. Sorry I was so hard on you!

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