Joke Poker - Bottled Blondes

Nurses Humor

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I have been toying with the idea of starting a "Joke Poker" thread.

What is Joke Poker? Simply stated one person starts the thread with a joke on a particular subject and anyone can add a joke or two or three on that subject. The winner is whoever posts the last original joke.

You might decide to add four jokes at once betting that there are no more jokes or just post them one at a time but beware! someone else might steal your thunder and post YOUR joke before you do.

Rules:- keep it PC (politically correct) and within the TOS

No racial jokes - blonde jokes become bottled blonde jokes because ANYONE can become a bottled blonde.

Redneck jokes stay redneck jokes because again anyone can be a redneck

General religious jokes only - ones that do not target any group

keep it reasonably clean

That's all folks except - here is the first "Bottled Blonde" Joke

Upper class blonde

A plane is on its way to London when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she has paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy Class she would have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he should probably have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I've even

learned to speak 'blonde'."

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy Section.

The flight attendant and the co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class wasn't going to London".

Specializes in ICU.

I think I just won the "dumb blonde" Lottery - tried to post an "Irish joke" to Shamrock and PM'd it to myself -TWICE!

How about this one...

A bottle blonde calle the Fire Dept. and says "Hurry! come to my house...It's on fire!!!!"

The dispatcher replies, "How do we get there?"

Bottle Blonde replies, "DUH! What happened to your big red truck!!!"

How about this one...

A bottle blonde calle the Fire Dept. and says "Hurry! come to my house...It's on fire!!!!"

The dispatcher replies, "How do we get there?"

Bottle Blonde replies, "DUH! What happened to your big red truck!!!"

Canadian Bottle Blonde

A blonde pulls up beside a truck at a red light on a snowy winter's night, and frantically signals for the driver to roll down his window. When he does, she yells across to him, "Hi, my name is Marcia, and I just wanted to tell you, you're losing part of your load out the back of the truck!

"Hi," calls back the truck driver, "My name is Bob, and I'm driving a salt spreader!"

Canadian Bottle Blonde

A blonde pulls up beside a truck at a red light on a snowy winter's night, and frantically signals for the driver to roll down his window. When he does, she yells across to him, "Hi, my name is Marcia, and I just wanted to tell you, you're losing part of your load out the back of the truck!

"Hi," calls back the truck driver, "My name is Bob, and I'm driving a salt spreader!"

How can you tell when a bottled blond has stuffed her bras? She forgets to take the kleenex out of the box.

How can you tell when a bottled blond has stuffed her bras? She forgets to take the kleenex out of the box.

Specializes in ICU.

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the Patrol car arrived.

My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. ...Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."

"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth on the mirror."

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!"

Tres

As a blonde I am going toss one right back to you guys.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes? INVISIBLE!

lol lol lol

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Debbie was really sick of "blond" jokes. As an attractive, blond, newly-arrived medical student at the University of Utah, she felt disrespected -- as though the Utah natives considered her a California Blond Beach Bimbo.

So Debbie decided to test her hypothesis. She dyed her hair dark black. Then she went to a new area on the medical school grounds to see if people treated her differently.

She saw a farmer unloading a truckload of sheep for the artificial heart program. "You know, I'm a medical student." The farmer just nodded.

"I'm quite smart." The farmer smiled. "I'm sure you are."

"Let me prove it." said Debbie. "Are they paying you for these sheep by the pound?"

The farmer said, "Yes, they've budgeted three thousand bucks. We have to weigh them to see how many I leave here." "Well, I'll bet you a hundred bucks I can calculate how many sheep that is, in my head."

The farmer leaned back and pursed his lips. "I don't have a hundred on me. But I'll bet a sheep against your hundred." Debbie studied the flock as it milled around in the pen. "Thirty-seven! It will take 37 sheep." she said.

Sure enough, when the weighing was complete, the medical school had purchased 37 sheep. "Well, a bet's a bet." said the farmer. "Go pick a sheep from the rest of the flock."

Debbie ran into the flock and grabbed a fluffy black and white one. Holding it with both arms, she walked to her car.

She heard the farmer call after her. "Hey, we farmers are pretty smart too."

"I'm sure you are." said Debbie.

"Let me prove it," the farmer asked. "If I can calculate the original color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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