Hickphonics

[betts]

The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with the Feds by labeling Black slang, "Ebonics," as a language, has decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this would be a Hickophone. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

Heidi, noun:

Greeting.

Hire Yew, Complete sentence:

Remainder of greeting.

Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

Bard, verb:

Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."

Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

Jawjuh, noun:

A state just north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

Bammer, noun:

The state just west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum.

Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

Munts, noun:

A calendar division.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

Thank, verb:

Ability to cognitively process.

Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

Bare, noun:

An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.

Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

Ignert, adjective:

Not smart. See "Arkansas native."

Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

Ranch, noun:

A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.

Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

All, noun:

A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

Far, noun:

A conflagration.

Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

Bahs, noun:

A supervisor.

Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

Tar, noun:

A rubber wheel.

Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

Tire, noun:

A tall monument.

Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

Hot, noun:

A blood-pumping organ.

Hod, adverb:

Not easy.

Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

Retard, verb:

To stop working.

Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

Tarred, adverb:

Exhausted.

Usage: "I just flew in from Lanner, and boy my arms are tarred."

Fat, noun, verb:

1. A battle or combat.

2. To engage in battle or combat.

Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'all."

Rats, noun:

Entitled power or privilege.

Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

Lot, adjective:

Luminescent.

Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

Farn, adjective:

Not local.

Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

Did, adjective:

Not alive.

Usage: "He's did, Jim."

Ear, noun:

A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).

Usage: "He cain't breathe... give 'im some ear!"

Bob War, noun:

A sharp, twisted cable.

Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

Ju-Here or Jew Here, Noun and verb contraction:

Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

Haze, contraction:

Usage: "Is Bubba smart?"

"Nah... haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

Seed, verb, past tense.

View, contraction; verb and pronoun:

Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

Heavy Dew, phrase.

A request for action.

Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor? Go bah me that Linnerd Skinnerd tape"

Gummit or Gubmit, Noun:

A bureaucratic institution.

Usage: "Them gubmit boys shore are ignert."

Y'all, Noun:

A degree of rotation.

Usage: "There are three degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll, and Y'all."

Warsh, Verb:

To clean.

Squarsh, Noun:

A vegetable (also verb - to flatten).

Usage: "Warsh that squarsh, Bubba... you don't know where its been!"

[zumalong]

:roll Ya'll got it right. I can see you have your ducks lined up in a row. I emailed this to all my no'thern frendz who done gone south to live.

Thanks for the laughs:roll :roll

[nursnancy, LPN, RN]

Makes me git a hankerin for some turnup greens.

[MitziK]

Paw come take a gander o'er yere, them gubnit folks nose all bat that secon cuzin of yurns from jajuh. I tol ya thay nose evahthang.

Thank you betts, too funny.

[donmurray]

A wonderful resource and aid to international understanding!

[micro, RN]

WELL I WILL CARRY Y'ALL ON OVER TO THE CLASSES ON HICKPHONICS AS I AM ONE OF THE TEST SUBJECTS.........

[suzannasue]

betts.

yew fergot "bum"...noun...explosive device

"the air force should just bum them people all to hell"

[donmurray]

A classical Scots variation on this theme in Glaswegian dialect is

"Seezapunnaburrafurramurra!" This phrase, when broken down, translates as

Seeza = See us a = Give me a

punna = pound of

burra = butter

furra = for the/my

murra = mother.

[micro, RN]

well lika u'all know lika this is what i is sayin' lika you know...

gee why ain't y'all gettin' it.......

ain't you had no schoolin'''''

[momrn50]

Hey..we talk jussssst like that in southern Ohio too!!! HAHAHAHA