Hickphonics

Help Your Peers!

by betts
  1,758 Views   9 Comments

  1. The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with the Feds by labeling Black slang, "Ebonics," as a language, has decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this would be a Hickophone. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:


    Heidi, noun:
    Greeting.
    Hire Yew, Complete sentence:
    Remainder of greeting.
    Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."
    Bard, verb:
    Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
    Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
    Jawjuh, noun:
    A state just north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
    Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
    Bammer, noun:
    The state just west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum.
    Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
    Munts, noun:
    A calendar division.
    Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
    Thank, verb:
    Ability to cognitively process.
    Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
    Bare, noun:
    An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
    Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
    Ignert, adjective:
    Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
    Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
    Ranch, noun:
    A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
    Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
    All, noun:
    A petroleum-based lubricant.
    Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
    Far, noun:
    A conflagration.
    Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
    Bahs, noun:
    A supervisor.
    Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
    Tar, noun:
    A rubber wheel.
    Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
    Tire, noun:
    A tall monument.
    Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
    Hot, noun:
    A blood-pumping organ.
    Hod, adverb:
    Not easy.
    Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
    Retard, verb:
    To stop working.
    Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
    Tarred, adverb:
    Exhausted.
    Usage: "I just flew in from Lanner, and boy my arms are tarred."
    Fat, noun, verb:
    1. A battle or combat.
    2. To engage in battle or combat.
    Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'all."
    Rats, noun:
    Entitled power or privilege.
    Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
    Lot, adjective:
    Luminescent.
    Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
    Farn, adjective:
    Not local.
    Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
    Did, adjective:
    Not alive.
    Usage: "He's did, Jim."
    Ear, noun:
    A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
    Usage: "He cain't breathe... give 'im some ear!"
    Bob War, noun:
    A sharp, twisted cable.
    Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
    Ju-Here or Jew Here, Noun and verb contraction:
    Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
    Haze, contraction:
    Usage: "Is Bubba smart?"
    "Nah... haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
    Seed, verb, past tense.
    View, contraction; verb and pronoun:
    Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
    Heavy Dew, phrase.
    A request for action.
    Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor? Go bah me that Linnerd Skinnerd tape"
    Gummit or Gubmit, Noun:
    A bureaucratic institution.
    Usage: "Them gubmit boys shore are ignert."
    Y'all, Noun:
    A degree of rotation.
    Usage: "There are three degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll, and Y'all."
    Warsh, Verb:
    To clean.
    Squarsh, Noun:
    A vegetable (also verb - to flatten).
    Usage: "Warsh that squarsh, Bubba... you don't know where its been!"
    •  

  2. 9 Comments

    Topic Closed
  3. by zumalong
    Mar 28, '02
    :roll Ya'll got it right. I can see you have your ducks lined up in a row. I emailed this to all my no'thern frendz who done gone south to live.

    Thanks for the laughs:roll :roll
  4. by nursnancy
    Mar 28, '02
    Makes me git a hankerin for some turnup greens.
  5. by MitziK
    Mar 28, '02
    Paw come take a gander o'er yere, them gubnit folks nose all bat that secon cuzin of yurns from jajuh. I tol ya thay nose evahthang.

    Thank you betts, too funny.
  6. by donmurray
    Mar 29, '02
    A wonderful resource and aid to international understanding!
  7. by micro
    Mar 29, '02
    WELL I WILL CARRY Y'ALL ON OVER TO THE CLASSES ON HICKPHONICS AS I AM ONE OF THE TEST SUBJECTS.........
  8. by suzannasue
    Mar 29, '02
    betts.
    yew fergot "bum"...noun...explosive device
    "the air force should just bum them people all to hell"
  9. by donmurray
    Mar 30, '02
    A classical Scots variation on this theme in Glaswegian dialect is
    "Seezapunnaburrafurramurra!" This phrase, when broken down, translates as
    Seeza = See us a = Give me a
    punna = pound of
    burra = butter
    furra = for the/my
    murra = mother.
  10. by micro
    Mar 31, '02
    well lika u'all know lika this is what i is sayin' lika you know...
    gee why ain't y'all gettin' it.......
    ain't you had no schoolin'''''
  11. by momrn50
    Mar 31, '02
    Hey..we talk jussssst like that in southern Ohio too!!! HAHAHAHA

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