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betts
667 Posts
The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with the Feds by labeling Black slang, "Ebonics," as a language, has decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this would be a Hickophone. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
Heidi, noun:
Greeting.
Hire Yew, Complete sentence:
Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."
Bard, verb:
Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
Jawjuh, noun:
A state just north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
Bammer, noun:
The state just west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
Munts, noun:
A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
Thank, verb:
Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
Bare, noun:
An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
Ignert, adjective:
Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
Ranch, noun:
A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
All, noun:
A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
Far, noun:
A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
Bahs, noun:
A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
Tar, noun:
A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
Tire, noun:
A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
Hot, noun:
A blood-pumping organ.
Hod, adverb:
Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
Retard, verb:
To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
Tarred, adverb:
Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Lanner, and boy my arms are tarred."
Fat, noun, verb:
1. A battle or combat.
2. To engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'all."
Rats, noun:
Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
Lot, adjective:
Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
Farn, adjective:
Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
Did, adjective:
Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
Ear, noun:
A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breathe... give 'im some ear!"
Bob War, noun:
A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
Ju-Here or Jew Here, Noun and verb contraction:
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
Haze, contraction:
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?"
"Nah... haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
Seed, verb, past tense.
View, contraction; verb and pronoun:
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
Heavy Dew, phrase.
A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor? Go bah me that Linnerd Skinnerd tape"
Gummit or Gubmit, Noun:
A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmit boys shore are ignert."
Y'all, Noun:
A degree of rotation.
Usage: "There are three degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll, and Y'all."
Warsh, Verb:
To clean.
Squarsh, Noun:
A vegetable (also verb - to flatten).
Usage: "Warsh that squarsh, Bubba... you don't know where its been!"