Hickphonics

  1. The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with the Feds by labeling Black slang, "Ebonics," as a language, has decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this would be a Hickophone. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:


    Heidi, noun:
    Greeting.
    Hire Yew, Complete sentence:
    Remainder of greeting.
    Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."
    Bard, verb:
    Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
    Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
    Jawjuh, noun:
    A state just north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
    Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
    Bammer, noun:
    The state just west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum.
    Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
    Munts, noun:
    A calendar division.
    Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
    Thank, verb:
    Ability to cognitively process.
    Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
    Bare, noun:
    An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
    Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
    Ignert, adjective:
    Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
    Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
    Ranch, noun:
    A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
    Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
    All, noun:
    A petroleum-based lubricant.
    Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
    Far, noun:
    A conflagration.
    Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
    Bahs, noun:
    A supervisor.
    Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
    Tar, noun:
    A rubber wheel.
    Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
    Tire, noun:
    A tall monument.
    Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
    Hot, noun:
    A blood-pumping organ.
    Hod, adverb:
    Not easy.
    Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
    Retard, verb:
    To stop working.
    Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
    Tarred, adverb:
    Exhausted.
    Usage: "I just flew in from Lanner, and boy my arms are tarred."
    Fat, noun, verb:
    1. A battle or combat.
    2. To engage in battle or combat.
    Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'all."
    Rats, noun:
    Entitled power or privilege.
    Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
    Lot, adjective:
    Luminescent.
    Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
    Farn, adjective:
    Not local.
    Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
    Did, adjective:
    Not alive.
    Usage: "He's did, Jim."
    Ear, noun:
    A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
    Usage: "He cain't breathe... give 'im some ear!"
    Bob War, noun:
    A sharp, twisted cable.
    Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
    Ju-Here or Jew Here, Noun and verb contraction:
    Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
    Haze, contraction:
    Usage: "Is Bubba smart?"
    "Nah... haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
    Seed, verb, past tense.
    View, contraction; verb and pronoun:
    Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
    Heavy Dew, phrase.
    A request for action.
    Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor? Go bah me that Linnerd Skinnerd tape"
    Gummit or Gubmit, Noun:
    A bureaucratic institution.
    Usage: "Them gubmit boys shore are ignert."
    Y'all, Noun:
    A degree of rotation.
    Usage: "There are three degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll, and Y'all."
    Warsh, Verb:
    To clean.
    Squarsh, Noun:
    A vegetable (also verb - to flatten).
    Usage: "Warsh that squarsh, Bubba... you don't know where its been!"
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  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   zumalong
    :roll Ya'll got it right. I can see you have your ducks lined up in a row. I emailed this to all my no'thern frendz who done gone south to live.

    Thanks for the laughs:roll :roll
  4. by   nursnancy
    Makes me git a hankerin for some turnup greens.
  5. by   MitziK
    Paw come take a gander o'er yere, them gubnit folks nose all bat that secon cuzin of yurns from jajuh. I tol ya thay nose evahthang.

    Thank you betts, too funny.
  6. by   donmurray
    A wonderful resource and aid to international understanding!
  7. by   micro
    WELL I WILL CARRY Y'ALL ON OVER TO THE CLASSES ON HICKPHONICS AS I AM ONE OF THE TEST SUBJECTS.........
  8. by   suzannasue
    betts.
    yew fergot "bum"...noun...explosive device
    "the air force should just bum them people all to hell"
  9. by   donmurray
    A classical Scots variation on this theme in Glaswegian dialect is
    "Seezapunnaburrafurramurra!" This phrase, when broken down, translates as
    Seeza = See us a = Give me a
    punna = pound of
    burra = butter
    furra = for the/my
    murra = mother.
  10. by   micro
    well lika u'all know lika this is what i is sayin' lika you know...
    gee why ain't y'all gettin' it.......
    ain't you had no schoolin'''''
  11. by   momrn50
    Hey..we talk jussssst like that in southern Ohio too!!! HAHAHAHA

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