Funny things patients say ! - page 14

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More

  1. by   Poi Dog
    0445 round:

    Me: Good morning, Miss Simmons!

    Pt: Good morning, Poi. You look like s--t. Have you gotten ANY sleep at all?

    Self esteem: -10
    Laughter: 1
  2. by   That Guy
    "You just want to get me to bed to have one of your screw parties" - said the confused elderly man when 7 of us were trying to contain him.
  3. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Quote from That Guy
    "You just want to get me to bed to have one of your screw parties" - said the confused elderly man when 7 of us were trying to contain him.

    Oh, yeah, nurses and their famous screw parties!!!!!! We ALL know about those!
  4. by   corbinRN
    Quote from panda_181
    Just a question for my curiosity...I've never heard of it. What's a Progressive Care Unit?

    Amanda

    Just e-mail me... panda_181@hotmail.com
    Honey, just Google it...
  5. by   corbinRN
    While starting an IV on a little old confused lady, she started screaming down the hall, "Lord Jesus help me...RAPE! RAPE!"
    I couldn't help but laugh...then I told the other (female) nurse to supervise us... lol
  6. by   Poi Dog
    Quote from That Guy
    "You just want to get me to bed to have one of your screw parties" - said the confused elderly man when 7 of us were trying to contain him.

    I would have told him, "No, we just want you to participate!"

    LOL at screw parties... That's too funny.
  7. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    screw parties--isn't that just another name for staff meetings?
  8. by   Lynx25
    Nurse 1: Sir, I can't really give you an Ambien at 2 in the afternoon.
    PT: "Conservative Hussy! I'll report you!"

    Also:

    Pt1: Do you want one of my cookies, Dear?
    CNA1: No, I don't eat too many sweets, sorry.
    Pt1: Well fine then, you can lick me, I'm sour!

    I didn't know if I should die laughing, or vomit in the trashcan on that last one.
  9. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Conservative Hussy, RN. It has a kind of edgy ring to it!
    You ol' Clara Barton acting thing, you!
  10. by   supervisorhatchet
    One night at SNF, on a unit that I hadn't worked in a long time...I had several resident's that I was not very familiar with. As passed on in report, due to fall during previous shift, I was doing neuro checks.

    Oh, and I forgot to mention this was a secure unit with dementia and Alzheimer patients...

    First neuro check went well, as I still had my report sheet in my hand with all of his info/assessments. check # 2, with my papers sitting at the desk and him half way down the hall....

    trying to assess orientation, I asked several questions including "what is your name?"

    and he said " I don't know. What is it?"
  11. by   Poi Dog
    Quote from No Stars In My Eyes
    screw parties--isn't that just another name for staff meetings?
    Good one.

    I think it's another name for when management gets together to discuss staffing issues, no?
  12. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Quote from Poi Dog
    Good one.

    I think it's another name for when management gets together to discuss staffing issues, no?

    Even more to the point than my suggestion!!!
  13. by   MissJulie
    This one happened at our office, but not to me...
    One of the nurses was doing a health history on a patient, our paperwork calls for the nurse to ask the patient about any illegal drug usage (we're pain management).
    Nurse: "Sir, do you engage in the use of any illegal drugs or substances?"
    Pt: "Do I what?"
    Nurse: "Do you take anything illegal, or take anything to 'get high'?"
    Pt: "Do you mean like 'pot'?"
    Nurse: "Yes, I suppose. Do you use marijuana?"
    Pt: "Well, I smoke when I wake up before I get out of the bed, I smoke it after breakfast, I smoke it after lunch, I smoke it before and after dinner, and I smoke it before bed. Oh, and if it's been a bad day, I probably smoke more."
    Nurse: "Um, okay. Sir, if you had to guess, how much marijuana would you say that you use on a daily basis?" (*At this point, the nurse knew that the doctor would refuse treatment d/t illegal drug use, put thought "why not?")
    Pt: "I smoke a joint each time, why?"
    Nurse: "No reason. Let's finish this paperwork, okay?"

    So, she finished the paperwork, ushered the patient back to the lobby and told him to have a seat, someone would call for him in a moment. She went to the doctor and explained the situation, she was right, the doc didn't want to see him as a patient.

    The nurse went back to the lobby to call the patient back into her triage room.
    Nurse: "Sir, upon review of your information and background, the doctor has decided it would not be responsible for our facility to take you as a patient."
    Pt: "Why?"
    Nurse: "To be honest, Sir, your usage of illegal drugs are the main reason."
    Pt: "But it's just weed!"
    Nurse: "Sir, I don't know if you know this, but 'weed' as you call it, is illegal!"

    The nurse showed him to the door and wished him well on his drive home.

    BTW: His drug screen only showed TLC... And, he wasn't driving, his brother had driven him...

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Funny things patients say !